Bronwyn Lea implores men to do their part to stop sex trafficking.
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Dear Men,
A conversation on Twitter got my attention a while ago. Using the hashtag #YesAllWomen, women shared incredible and awful stories of ways in which they had been harassed, marginalized, ridiculed, leered at and exploited by men.
Yes, all women.
Soon the conversation changed, and people began to respond with #NotAllMen hashtags. Not all men are rapists. Not all men are addicted to pornography. Not all men pay for sex. Not all men disrespect and degrade women.
No, not all men.
This letter is for you: the not-all men. And I’m writing to say We Need You. And, Please Help.
January is National Trafficking Awareness Month, and I am just beginning to uncover how close to home some very dark things are. Vulnerable women and children are being trafficked in our neighborhoods: they are preyed on and prostituted, and I didn’t know that so many of those who seem to be prostitutes are, in fact, victims who are drugged, manipulated and abused to be there.
Economics 101 teaches us that supply meets demand. This is true in the sex industry too. I didn’t know (and maybe you didn’t either) that the primary demographic of those buying sex are white, middle-class, well-educated, white-collar workers. Women and children are being trafficked to supply the demands of the very people society deems to be the most respectable.
But not all men are like that, which is why we need your help.
If you are a man who is white, or middle-class, or well-educated, or white-collar (or any combination of those descriptions), then you have a voice with these men that I don’t. You may not know who they are, exactly, but they’re among the every day guys at work, in class, at the gym, at the game. They’re the guys on the golf green, at the bar, and at your business conference.
Women talk differently around women than when men are around, and men talk differently around men than when women are around. When women are around, men are less likely to suggest a couple of hours of entertainment at a strip club, or to make lewd remarks about how they’d like to “see her naked.”
Perhaps you hear men around you talk like that, and you find it uncomfortable. It might be funny, but it’s not who you are – so you say nothing. You let it go, finish your drink, and make your way home. I want you to know first of all that I really respect you not taking them up on the invitation.
But I am writing to ask you to do more. I’m asking you to please speak up and take a stand that it’s not okay to speak to women or about women like that. To point out that the massage parlor or gentlemen’s club they’re suggesting probably has trafficked women or children working there—did they know that? To say that prostitution may not mean what they think it means. To say you’ve heard some stories from women who worked the streets and it has changed your opinion on what was really going on there.
But maybe you don’t even need to say that much. A man saying something like “hey, that’s not cool,” in response to a “guy’s joke” might not seem like much, but it means so much.
If you stay silent, you may have protected your own character in that situation, but your silence is interpreted as indifference. “All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing,” wrote Bonhoeffer. The sex trafficking industry relies on secrecy to thrive, and when we fail to say something, we allow it to keep its secrets. Our silence become complicity.
Please, don’t let the sexist joke go unchallenged.
Please, don’t let the guy next to you jest about “showing her who’s boss” without speaking up.
Please, don’t stay silent when someone makes a “movie suggestion.”The line between pornography and trafficking is a very thin one.
Please, if you are on a business trip and are invited out for an evening of entertainment, don’t just say “no thanks” and walk away. Say, “You shouldn’t go either.” Perhaps even invite them to do something else.
There are men in our communities who are predators and pedophiles. But not all men are like that. You are not like that. So I’m asking you: will you please be our protectors? Would you be a voice of conscience to the men around you?
For my sake. For my daughters sake. For all the #YesAllWomen,
Please, speak up.
We need you.
This post appeared on bronlea.com as part of the #ACourageousOne series, featuring art and stories to raise awareness about sex trafficking locally and abroad as well as on The Huffington Post. Find out more about what you can do to end trafficking in your neighborhood here.
Photo—Corrie Haffly
It is always interesting to see what hits the wall of moderation, clearly avoiding the conversation that no one else is having.
Having been in the units that tracked and prosecuted woman trafficking, I think I know a thing or two, and it is clearly which side of that argument that mods fall under
Here is something you might be interested in. Legalized prostitution reduces rape.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/07/17/when-rhode-island-accidentally-legalized-prostitution-rape-and-stis-decreased-sharply/
Don’t get me wrong. I think there is room to ask and expect men to be selective when patronizing the sex industry to minimize the change they’re contributing to sex trafficking. If you’re buying porn only buy from major studios with established stars type thing.
…and silke, because sometimes such issues get electrified, I’ll reiterate that the post was in no way attempting to disparage either the author or the subject matter. I’m absolutely on board with it and very much appreciative that it was posted. My only issue is with this foolish gender war we continue to fight, and demonstrating how oppressing men leads to the oppression of women (and vice versa of course), how both genders are at each others throat across the internet, taking every advantage to do so. It was to demonstrate how we are going to have to proceed in… Read more »
The problem is that there is often no middle ground. Well there is, but no one want s to look into it. I don’t think the solution in this case is to ban the sex industry. I do think an argument can be made to ask men to be more selective in how they spend their money. and there are safe guards that government can implement. Let’s say that in Germany they could pass a law that only German citizens can work as prostitutes. No more trafficking of Romanian women or the pimps would have to undergo the probably long… Read more »
As a minor point of contention, I would assert it’s equally likely to presume of human behavior that ‘When men are around, women are less likely to suggest a couple of hours of entertainment at a strip club, or to make lewd remarks about how they’d like to “see him naked’ ” but no one’s assuming that these women need to be morally shepherded (by morally upstanding fellow women) from that (supposedly) precariously thin line of jocularity and potential transgression into predator or sex trafficker. So, for an article that is purportedly going to be primarily about sex trafficking, and the… Read more »
Of course, some women are forced into prostitution. Some are not. But you should have seen the feminists going on about Crystal Magnum during the Duke rape hoax. You’d have thought sex work was right up there with nursing lepers or something. Nobody could say boo about it. But, as far as what I’ve been in a position to do…nothing. Nobody I ever knew after the Army ever mentioned an intent to purchase commercial sex. Never had the opportunity to call someone out, even from my keyboard which, apparently, is exponentially incredibly virtuous. Maybe all those guys actually were too… Read more »
Well I guess I’m the first guy you’ve talked to who has and ironically I was both a minor and unwilling. The woman wasn’t taking no for an answer. I actually got the equivalent of 50% off so much for trying to get out of it by pleading poverty.
The issue I have with this article is that it assumes that if a percentage of the sex industry deals with trafficking then you must be a bad person if you patronize the sex industry. There are abuses in the diamond industry so when should women stop demand diamonds. There are abuses in the garment industry so when should we stop buying clothes. Many men die in energt exploration so don’t drive gas powered cars or ride gas powered trains / buses. If you want to reduce abuses in the industry, legalize and regulate. This is just another article criticizing… Read more »
John
It has been legalised and “regulated” in Germany. The result is that everything got even worse than before .
I looked at this article. I see what you mean. I’m still not sure though that I agree it’s an issue of legalization. http://www.spiegel.de/international/germany/human-trafficking-persists-despite-legality-of-prostitution-in-germany-a-902533.html First, they talk about the law being anti-exploitative. They take about flat rate sex for $129. Wouldn’t that be exploitative by definition? The authoresses are aware of this, but have done nothing. Sounds like an enforcement issue. They talk about poor women from Romania who actually came to Germany to be prostitutes. That sounds like an immigration issue. Germany was the place where there was mass sexual violence on new years. They talk about crooked police.… Read more »
HI John
You give me a lot to read here :).
I promise I will read it.
You don’t have to read it. The point I was making is that nothing in life is perfect. We have to live our lives the best we can, but recognize that our choices impact others. Don’t give up your car because 11 people died during the Deppwater Horizon tragedy, but be conscious of fuel efficiency and walk to places that are close. I used to remember when walking distance was a mile. Now I see people driving a quarter mile away from their houses to get to a bank. Men definitely can do a lot better in their choices when… Read more »
The above may have been a bit overly spirited, to the point that I question whether I should have written it. I then question if it is enough when I learn of an Isis memo providing instruction on how to properly rape their sex slaves. I don’t even know how to process that, but I stopped questioning when I witnessed one man summoning as much money as he can, buying up as many sex slaves as he can, and returning them to their families. I also know in my heart of hearts that if the entire situation were reversed, there… Read more »
That #NotAllMen is becoming a battle cry first heard over the mini revolt against profiling and herding those good boys into anti-rape classes as if they are bad men in a good wrapper. I have a saying too. It was relayed to me by a member of another men’s board. It was at a time when we were seeing a great deal of anger. He answered a post of mine telling me not to worry so much if young men are just angry, worry when they stop caring…and that precipice is closer then we think. I’ve talked to thousands of… Read more »
-DJ-
“They ask why they should care for a society that does not care about them. They ask why they should help, do more as they watch their rights diminished while hearing about their privilege.” –
I do not live in the U.S. DJ, so please help me understand .
What rights are men loosing today in America ?
Rights?
Hi Silke, I do not want to hijack this thread and run it off in a different direction as this is about seeking support, by men, for women and I do not want to feed a fire. The post was in regard to how we get men on board as asking is not going to work but in many cases may raise rebellion because of either real or perceive diminishing of rights. However, In relation to gender equality? All of them! Kidding a bit, but if you are truly interested you can visit A Voice for Men (this is a… Read more »
Thank you -DJ- , I will visit that website !
-DJ-
I visited a voice for men and their forum.
Frankly I was shocked and disquieted by the attitudes ,values and ignorance I saw there.
So NO.
Do not send women to A Vocie For Men , to learn about what rights men have lost.
You do not have to answer this comment :).
Bronwyn
Thank you!
Without customers, there’d be no merchants. That much is true. I’m seventy and I have never in my life heard any businessman, neighbor, or acquaintance suggest going to someplace where women are trafficked. The only guy who I think may have committed rape–he liked to brag about his exploits–ended up in prison on a federal charge. There were some soldiers I knew at one place or another who talked of going into town for purposes of commercial sex. Problem is, according to some feminists, there’s nothing wrong with that if the women are making the choice and it’s hard to… Read more »
Richard, the situation with sex workers choosing their profession is a tricky one, and different altogether. One thing that has surprised me, though, is hearing the stories of many women who were trafficked and how they were beaten by pimps if they appeared “not into it”. So, all that to say, that a John seeking the services of a sex worker may take her apparent agreement as a sign of choice, whereas in fact coercion is at play. Another thing should be said, and that is that children under the age by law cannot be considered to be consenting/choosing to… Read more »