Jason Greene commits to being a role model for his children about how to end domestic violence.
The next time you go and pick up your daughter from school, count how many girls are in her class. (You can still do this exercise even if you only have sons.) When you do that, remember this: 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime and 1 in 3 women will experience a type of sexual assault in her lifetime. What does that number look like as you count how many girls are joyfully playing as they leave the school. As a father, that number scares me to tears.
Domestic violence is once again on the front page due to the recent murder/suicide involving the Kansas City Chief’s linebacker Jovan Belcher. People are asking, “What would make someone do something like this?” Nobody has any answers. I don’t. I’ve never wanted to hit my wife, so I can’t possibly fathom why anyone would. We constantly hear about the danger of bullying in schools, and kids are taught to stand up to and speak up against bullying. When is society going to do the same? Stand up and say enough is enough? Last year I wrote a blog about Floyd Mayweather’s conviction for abusing his girlfriend. And what are we talking about now? Trying to get him in a super fight with Manny Pacquiao where he’ll get paid millions of dollars. Hero worship is directed at someone who has been convicted of abusing his girlfriend.
A while back, I attended a fund raiser for Sanctuary For Families, an organization dedicated to serving domestic violence victims. I heard many personal stories from women who unfortunately have found themselves in that 1 in 4 category. I thought to myself throughout the presentations, “How could anyone do that? How could a man hit a woman?” As I thought about all the women in my life—my wife, my daughter, my mother, and my sister—I became sickened. That’s four people.
So how can we end domestic violence in our society? It’s hard to believe heading into 2013 that we haven’t yet. What can I do? As a father, I can do a lot. It is my duty to teach my two sons that they are to respect women. It is my duty to raise a strong daughter and teach her that it isn’t okay to be disrespected and that she is worth more than anything another person can provide. It’s my responsibility to teach all three of my children that violence is never an appropriate way to resolve conflict and that physical aggression is never anything other than a reprehensible act of cowardice. That nobody should be made to feel like a victim. And the best way for me to do those things is to respect, love, and honor their mother, my wife, and for her to give the same things back to me. Statistics show that witnessing violence at home is the strongest risk factor for a child becoming an abuser as an adult. And boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to become abusers when they are adults.
Domestic violence is a societal problem, but the end to domestic violence begins with what is taught and modeled at home. Teaching my daughter how to avoid domestic violence is not the only answer—teaching my children never to bully those they love is.
Photo courtesy of Flickr/funkblast
It would be interesting to go into the family history of Belcher and his GF/wife….I have a feeling that perhaps his parents or family members have histories of DV in their pasts….and that he was recreating the violence he grew up with in his own relationship….
Yes but, male victims are seriously under reported, I know also women are, but uintil now the numbers make men almost unexistant. That means that probably there are men who not only get abused but are also culturally advised the be quiet about that. People should be encouraged to report abuse, not denied, as this article does. The best way to help these people is actually to speak up, to advice the citizens to seek help. But how are they suppose to do that, when the cultural narrative ONLY shows in large numbers that ONLY women and GIRLS get abused?… Read more »
Using discriminatory language of any kind, including gender, isn’t just forbidden, it is inaccurate and ultimately dangerous to the officer. The perpetrator’s description includes the gender of the person doing the hitting and the victim description includes the gender of the person being hit. That isn’t discrimination, it is accuracy. In response to the 1 in 7 comment, I can’t speak to instances I am unfamiliar with and have not researched, but I can tell you that in the hundreds of domestic violence calls that I took, only 4 had male victims and only 2 of those had female aggressors.… Read more »
Using discriminatory language of any kind, including gender, isn’t just forbidden, it is inaccurate and ultimately dangerous to the officer. That is clear and rational – it males sense that bias and discrimination should not be allowed to either endanger officers in response or official stats. Being accurate and not introducing bias is so important Before anyone cries that these crimes are under-reported, so are crimes against women. This is disappointing – given that you claim that gender or using discriminatory language of any kind is not allowed. It’s also disappointing that the victim-hood of a male rape survivor or… Read more »
The fact remains that the playing field is not level. a 5′ 5″, 135 lb woman does not stand much of a chance defending herself against a 6 foot, 200 lb man. It is true that there can be physical disparity which can be seen as a factor in domestic abuse. You have missed other factors though. Psychology – Social Pressure – there are many cases where belief has overridden evidence, and it’s assumed that the bigger person is the violent and aggressive one. Even when it’s two males this bias plays out and gets manipulated. Such Biases have played… Read more »
A very nicely written article…. I hear your heart in this article to stop domestic violence in the sphere in which you have control. Regardless of statistics and who does what to whom, the heart of this matter is what one person can to do to help change the atrocities inflicted on the vulnerable, the innocent or weak. The author is stating personal reflections on a serious problem, what prompted it and then what he is doing in his part of the world to make sure he and his family are not perpetrators or victims of domestic violence. Now only… Read more »
As a former 911 dispatcher, and now working in the District Attorney’s office, I have lost count of the number of girls and women I have spoken to. They are different ages, different races, and all religions are represented, but they all have 1 thing in common–they are all victims of domestic violence and/or sexual assault. While violence against men is equally reprehensible, it is not as prevalent. Men are typically bigger and physically stronger than women and that gives them a distinct advantage in a physical altercation. All children need to be taught to respect others and themselves, but… Read more »
” I am grateful that there are men like Jason standing beside us in the battle to end violence against women.”
I admit at cost to sound like a troll I find stopping violence against women, a secondary less important goal. What it is really important is to stop the violence against EVERYBODY, men, women, boys, girls, elders and animal alike. If its only to stop the violence against women, then count me out.
While violence against men is equally reprehensible, it is not as prevalent. So 1 in 7 is not significant or prevalent in USA Crime stats? I have a simple question. As A dispatcher, what is the policy for prioritising responses when a call is received reporting Domestic Violence? Does that Policy document contain gendered language such as women and girls or is it gender neutral and representing all citizens equally? I do ask because here in the UK I have had to clean out many police policy documents and remove gender abusive and misused language and make the lanaguage comply… Read more »
I stand with Eagle on this one, I dont think its fair to claim ‘ women have it worse’ when so much against boys is under reported or kept quiet. Jason greene, I know you have good intentions, and hat of for that, but may I request that your next article (if you write another one) are inclusive of both genders?
ciao
Thank you for being a strong role model for the people in your family, and for taking a stand. Many people just want to shake their heads that such abuse happens, but few take the effort to think about how to embed good values into their family life. That takes real courage.
Thanks Karen.
Your article has made me think about something I don’t usually think about. MY role in ending domestic violence. Not only this, but teaching my son not to bully or be bullied, not by anyone, including myself.
Thank you for writing about things that matter, Jason.
Thank you Kristi
Nice article. As a father of a young girl, it’s interesting to see the role models she’s supposed to emulate. Repeatedly, it’s the pretty princess — which is the theme of birthday party after birthday party she attends. The message seems to be: look attractive, wear the right clothes, passively wait for your prince charming. Conversely, a lot of what I see pushed on boys encourages aggression. When was the last time you saw a toy gun geared towards a girl? In not so subtle ways, we give the message that boys should be the aggressors, and girls the passive… Read more »
Thank you Jtree. I get so frustrated with the role models that my daughter is supposed to have. And have you noticed that almost all the Disney Princesses are trying to get married while they’re still teens? What was Ariel thinking?
“And while I agree with the former commenter that boys and girls are both the recipients and perpetrators of violence and bullying, I think there’s little argument that a girl has a considerably higher chance of being sexually assaulted than a boy, and when it comes to physical confrontations, girls are at a distinct disadvantage when boys are he aggressors.” This is what I’m talking about right here. Whenever there’s a chance to tell the other side, arguments against always fall back on the “Women and girls have it worse…” retort. This will be my final comment before I leave.… Read more »
Jason, I am so proud of you. Great article. I was a victim, and so glad that you are dedicated to training your children. If everyone whose has children would do the same what a different world we would live in. It is not to late to take a stand and speak our hearts. I stand with you and promise to influence the woman I come in contact with to encourage them that they are worth so much more and deserve so much more…Love does not hurt; it brings healing Love never fails. 1st C orinthians 13 tells us what… Read more »
Thank you Pam for sharing.
Okay, people. I’ve had it for real.
I supplied a link to my article and you put it into moderation. Stop doing it!
Eagle comments containing trigger words or links usually end up in moderation. its a automatic procedure. I have to say, Im quite satisfied with the moderation so I think you are being a bit to harsh.
Relax man.
Well I can see the frustration. So many ladies can type the R word and not be blocked – it goes up on-line no stopping it. But if male contributors use that R word it’s mod land for certain. They just don’t trust guys to be able to use that word and know what it means.
I assure you MediaHound the moderation of keywords is not done on a gendered basis. If for no other reason there is no certain way to tell a male commenter from a female one.
So it is by individual then. Is there a gender bias in the individuals?
thats also my impression. But I noticed that the auto-moderation comes in when somebody post links or use some trigger words. If the message is not spam or offensive, between a couple of minutes and few hours it gets online. I never experienced that a message of mine vanished.
Many have and it’s always around Sacred Cow Subjects. It gets very odd when you are reading a response to a message that has vanished – happened only yesterday. The Subject males and abuse in a foreign country. The response ends up dropping to the bottom of the comments.
I dont know, never noticed. But as you say, it happens to others then I stand corrected.
Dear Typo it’s been done to me repeatedly! P^) Some are not happy that I check facts and read. Meddling Rational Archivist. But Bias only works for so long when faced with factual reality.
“You are right; boys are attacked physically by both genders. I could’ve also included verbal and emotional abuse in this article as well. In writing this piece, I had images of people that I personally worked with and that caused me to become passionate about what I was writing and overlook some other areas.”
If you want an image of what it’s like for the other side, for people like me, read this article I contributed last year:
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/bullied-by-girls-and-women-one-mans-account/
Secondly, regarding evidence of the 1 in 4 study being debunked. Unfortunatly, the comment I made with the links is gone.
Your comment about debunking the “1 in 4” statement I disagree with. Show me a credible source that says otherwise.
I did. But the people here at The Good Men Project deleted my comment. Which goes to show whose side they’re on.
Eagle – it’s the season for tropes. Students went to College in October and got all radical when they got tweeted at. As I’ve noted about the USA October to December is the Big R season and the net goes nutty with the slightest factoid or bad tweet. The denial of reality is common in cult behaviours. I did write about it here.
Not surprised you guys delete my comment with the evidence debunking the 1 in 4 study. This place hasn’t changed.
“1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime and 1 in 3 women will experience a type of sexual assault in her lifetime.” Those findings have been dubunked, in case you didn’t know. “We constantly hear about the danger of bullying in schools, and kids are taught to stand up to and speak up against bullying. When is society going to do the same? Stand up and say enough is enough?” Only you choose to frame it as girls are the only ones bullied by boys. I was abused by both genders yet time and again I… Read more »
By the way, here’s some evidence against the 1 in 4 study.
http://www.leaderu.com/real/ri9502/sommers.html
http://www.city-journal.org/2008/18_1_campus_rape.html
http://communityvoices.sites.post-gazette.com/index.php/opinion/the-radical-middle/27667–one-in-one-thousand-eight-hundred-seventy-seven
These are all about rape. Read my article again. But let’s say the numbers are off, which according to the CDC they are not. And the study is only a little over a year old and ongoing. Still, abuse of any kind is terrible regardless of whatever the one in ? is. The thing that happened to you was terrible and I understand that you feel hurt because men like you are overlooked. This is the last time that I’ll respond to something you’ve said. I hope you can find peace and healing.
Dear Eagle, I’m sorry that you were bullied at a point in your life. It wasn’t right and those that took that horrible action against you should’ve been held accountable. The act should’ve never happened. I truly am sorry. I’m also sorry that your story is not represented here. You are right; boys are attacked physically by both genders. I could’ve also included verbal and emotional abuse in this article as well. In writing this piece, I had images of people that I personally worked with and that caused me to become passionate about what I was writing and overlook… Read more »
#ObeseSparrowCult Yes I do remember the CDC Report and having to read the whole thing. The news releases made some fascinating reports about life in the USA. It’s amazing too, because so many people saw the press release, downloaded the full report and then couldn’t find the 1 in 4 figures being reported without some rather odd mathematics being done. It’s still not clear when or where the CDC findings and views were subject to independent scrutiny and peer review. But some basics aside, lets take the CDC figures you quote as 100% gospel. About 1 in 7 men has… Read more »