Naomi Fryers shares words of support for a Melbourne man falsely accused of being a creep and smeared on social media.
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Editor’s Note: For those of you not familiar with the incident addressed in this post, a man in Melbourne, Australia took a photo of himself in front of a Star Wars display to send to his children. A woman who believed he was photographing her children shamed him on social media and accused him of being a pedophile. When the man found out, he went to the police and cleared his name.
To the man at the centre of the Melbourne shopping centre selfie saga,
A vigilante campaign transpired, and you were guilty until proven innocent—your trial by social media continued to the point of death threats.
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It was (in your own words) a ‘daggy dad joke’ but no one could have anticipated how such a simple act could turn out so horribly wrong and that so much trauma would ensue. With no ill intent you took a photo to send to your children, posing with a Star Wars sign in a popular Melbourne shopping centre. Subsequently, your face was smeared across a very public Facebook noticeboard and shared widely with a ‘creep’ label and something akin to a danger warning. It was a misunderstanding by a frantic mother that believed you had greeted and taken photos of her children. But it was posted online halfway across Australia before it could have been corrected by police or appropriate authorities. A vigilante campaign transpired, and you were guilty until proven innocent—your trial by social media continued to the point of death threats.
Firstly, in the wake of these events please know you are not alone at this time and neither is your family. There are plenty of people in the community who feel empathy for your plight, and together we must challenge the status quo to regain a sense of justice and attempt to ensure that events like these do not transpire again. Not in our community, not to one of our men, not to someone’s dad, friend, or partner; not to somebody, not now, not ever.
You must realise that you, like other innocent men, you never deserved the paranoia surrounding you. I’m a mother of a toddler, and it shouldn’t need to be said that it’s ok for you to smile and greet me, or my child for that matter. What’s more, I promise to return that smile long into the future, just as I would to another woman.
The events that have transpired and victimised you should serve as a warning to others, about blindly following, believing, and sharing everything you see on social media. I have witnessed other second rate detective accounts of incidents being widely disseminated on the same jumped up junta noticeboard where this post originated. I have seen car registrations posted. I have witnessed business’ names being tarnished. And then in your instance I have witnessed the crucifying of your character. This must stop.
I could have taken that photo and no one would have batted an eyelid. That’s a regretful reality and a sad reflection on the society we live in today.
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Another good man has confided in me that he gets nervous driving through school crossings at 40km an hour (maximum speed) because he fears being sighted and accused of child watching. I concede that as a woman I’m privileged to never have had that worry. He, of course, is not alone. Another male friend on a trip overseas wanted to take pictures of how jovial the children were, playing in a neighbourhood park. He refrained for the same reason. I could have taken that photo and no one would have batted an eyelid. That’s a regretful reality and a sad reflection on the society we live in today. When a lynch mob mentality makes people so paranoid that situations like this can occur, society needs time for some thoughtful reflection.
In light of these damaging events you must know that those that know of your plight want you to realise it’s ok to cuddle the children in your life and for it to make you justifiably happy, without the need for suspicion. Those who know and love you will recognise these circumstances for what they are- a regretful misunderstanding that has culminated into the worst kind of defamation.
While initial devastation over the false accusations is understandable, in the longer term please try to stay as carefree and unchanged by this as you possibly can. At best you will probably be reluctant to go shopping or use a camera in public in the future. And after your ordeal, that might not even be the worst you suffer. But you must try and remember to hold your head up high. You’re a proud Dad just like any other. Give yourself that permission. Undoubtedly your children love their carefree ‘Star Wars’ Daddy. They will certainly want him back when this whole mess blows over. After all, there was nothing wrong with him in the first place.
Photo—757live tech/Flickr
I’m thrilled this discussion is taking place, and to show that there are many women who are just as outraged and confused by this phenomena. Just 2 weeks ago, on a field trip with one of my children to a kids museum, another mother was gossiping about how a man was “watching kids slide down a slide”. Her outrage was obnoxious, and hurtful. Reminding her that he was surley waiting for his own children to slide down, and pointing out that there were lots of fathers in attendance at this school event, did help a bit to bring her back… Read more »
Totally agree with what Whitney has said here. But I also think we need to consider the accountability of how men’s sexuality is sometimes displayed for the purpose of entertainment. I am not sure I will word this perfectly but I think some of the fear in our culture that exists around men and young children may even be an extension of some of the obession we see in the world with a large percentage of men focused on youth in females. Teen porn is one of the biggest growing segments of porn among men toward females. There are countless… Read more »
What bothers me is that the Internet is another weapon where a bad/evil women can accuse you of doing something real or imaginary and you are not allow to refute the accusations. It is like being accuse of a crime by a corrupt cop and then a corrupt DA and corrupt judge send you to prison.
Naomi, thanks for talking about this. It was a beautiful response to a terrible situation. One I totally agree with and support. I am really begging to think that we need actual classes around how to responsibly use the internet and social media. I’m really sorry this man had to experience this but I’m really glad he was able to over-come the false accusations and reclaim his reputation. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that not everything is as it seems just because it was posted. I certainly don’t want to add to a culture that makes men feel alienated from… Read more »
Before people overlook it, I’d like to say thanks to Naomi for writing this article. It’s refreshing to see a woman look at this kind of situation from his point of view, with compassion and reason. I would not mind seeing more articles like this.
Yes, when we get understanding from the opposite gender, it has an amazing affect doesn’t it?
Seconded actually, and bravo to Peter Ross also for weighing in. Both good pieces, but always encouraging to see sense across genders.
Obviously this is a case of gender profiling. If a woman had been in his position, there would have been no accusations, no Facebook furor, and no action by the security guards.
What’s funny is that the woman has no problem going to a mall with security cameras everywhere. There are male security guards watching film footage of children in malls all day long.
Oh no! Men with cameras around children!
There’s something pathetically narcissistic about this ladies actions that is really typical of suburban America. The idea that everything is out to get YOUR KIDS, that every threat you see on the news while tucked away in your safe little hole is going to happen to YOU if you go outside. She feels totally justified because her kids are so much more important than this poor man’s reputation. That’s really the issue here.
Australia, actually, but probably the same culture of fear there as well. She went home to smear his reputation by driving on the lefthand side of the road instead of the righthand side.
Am Australian, can confirm. The pedophilia hysteria is ridiculous here. Even female camera club members feel nervous to take pics of kids that are not their own, and fathers are nervous with their own kids at the park!
Who’s looking after her children while she’s obsessing over her FaceBook crusade?
How would she feel if her son was accused of being a child rapist?
Good question. I know that its pretty popular to pull this question on men. “How would you feel if other men were looking at your daughter/neice the way you look at young women?” Its meant to be something of a wake up call to get men to see the error of their ways. Maybe women need to start asking themselves similar questions when it comes to men. “How would you feel if your son had been accused of being a child predator for taking a selfie in a store? How would you feel if you saw a post accusing your… Read more »
Quicker would be to appeal to their own self-interest perhaps – how would they feel being accused of being a predator based on taking a harmless selfie at the “wrong” place and time?
She’s looking in the entirely wrong direction anyway. The biggest threat to her child’s safety is her own family and other people her children already know. (That includes herself as well.) “Stranger danger” is largely hysteria. Statistically, anyway.
Good point.
Someone needs to contact her children and tell them that if their mother ever touches them in an inappropriate way, or abuses them, that mom has no right to do those things and they should contact the police immediately.
No Go Yell Tell. It’s not just for strangers.
That may not work because she can just brush it off with a quick flick of “women don’t do stuff like that.” Yes I know the facts say otherwise but bear in mind how long people have worked to maintain this illusion that women don’t commit sex crimes and bear in mind how hard people are fighting to keep that illusion alive even going as far as to keep laws gendered and going lenient on the female sex offenders that are caught. I think in this case the best idea to appeal to her motherly love (if she has any).… Read more »
I think heterosexual men could also take a cue and quit blindly accusing gay men of being pedophiles who shouldn’t be allowed around children, simply on account of their sexual orientation. Throwing gay men under the bus is NOT going to gain you any favors with misandrists with pedophilia hysteria who think ALL men are potential pedophiles.
Then there are worse incidents like Sarah McKenzie-Ayers in the UK who got only a 16 month suspended sentence and community service for hitting a man in the face with a bottle twice and cut him to the bone. This was not self-defense. She did it because he was “standing too close.” I’m willing to bet the mother in this article suffers no consequences for her actions.
Thankfully he hasn’t been a massive victim of the “listen and believe” nonsense.
He needs to sue her, and sue her hard. Precedent needs to be set to help end these witch-hunts. It’s disgusting that someone’s life can be ruined over a few words like this, especially when they are innocent. Facebook has a lot of these “share without verification” posts of people, I’ve seen some say a person in the photo beats up women or hurts animals and people share it blindly.
Unfortunately, the courts would likely take her side, because she never overtly said he was a pedophile. She said what she saw happening, she said how it made her feel, and she went to the security guards, who sympathized with her. I suppose it’s a “defamation of character” case, but she was clever enough never to outright label him a sex offender. In fact, her defense attorney would argue that she publicly said he was NOT a registered sex offender. Also, I don’t know how libel/slander laws work in Australia, whether they’re like the ones in the UK or in… Read more »
In Australia it’s a pretty open n shut case that she would lose I believe. Defamation is a civil case and I don’t believe it requires intent, but there is clear intent of harm to his character by how she worded and shared the post. Most people are saying she’d lose badly.