An entire subgenre of urban legends consists of lying about how rape culture works. They’re not helping.
One of the charms of the internet age is how near-forgotten urban legends can suddenly flare to life again, like an intellectual herpes outbreak. If the right Tea Party grandma puts something up on her Facebook, then all of a sudden we’re hearing this one anew:
A woman left her office after working hours and saw a little girl crying on the road. Feeling pity for the child, she went to ask what happened. The child said: ‘I am lost. Can you take me home please?’ Then the child gave her a slip of paper and tells the woman where the address is.
The woman, being an average kind person who, didn’t suspect anything took the child there.When they arrived at the ‘child’s home’, the kind hearted woman pressed the door bell and she was electrocuted as the bell was wired with high voltage, and fainted.
The next day when she wokeup, she found herself in an empty house up in the hills, naked. Condoms were all thrown around with semen flowing. She has not even seen her assailants.
That’s why nowadays crimes are targeted onkind people like her.
Needless to say, it’s not true. It’s just another vaguely racist way of deflecting the fear of rape away from actual situations and onto “gang members”. I mean, has anyone even thought through the logistics of how this would work?
“I dunno, I really feel like some rape today, but I don’t know how I can possibly get within raping distance of a woman. That is such an insurmountable obstacle… perhaps we could come up with some sort of cunning plan?”
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free“I’ve got it! You wire the front doorbell with exactly the amount of electricity that knocks out, but does not kill, someone we don’t know, because that is how electricity works! I’m going to go engage a small child in our gang-rape plan, because that makes total sense! Then we just wait around this booby-trapped house until someone tries to bring the kid back to us!”
“What if it’s a man?”
“Why would a man help a child? You’re talking crazy.”
“So when do we get to the rape?”
“I don’t KNOW when. We have to wait for it.”
“I could just call up my girlfriend and we could rape her. She’d come over if I asked.”
“NO, man, it has to be some random white lady!”
“How do you know it’ll be a white lady?”
“Well, that’s just sort of taken for granted.”
“Fair enough.”
“Can we order a pizza or something?”
“We booby-trapped the doorbell, remember?”
“But the pizza delivery person might be a woman…”
“That DOESN’T COUNT.”
“Dude, is this going to be another one of your rape parties that turns into a YouTube party?”
The grim, undramatic fact is that the overwhelming majority of people who are raped or sexually assaulted suffer at the hands of someone they know and trust. These legends, and there are an awful lot of them,
are about projecting fear onto the Other. It’s way more emotionally comforting to believe that rape is about scary Other People lurking in the shadows with nefarious schemes than it is to believe, you know, anything realistic.
It’s way more emotionally comforting to believe that rape is about scary Other People lurking in the shadows with nefarious schemes than it is to believe, you know, anything realistic.
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On a certain level, these legends are a form of victim-blaming, presenting a series of increasingly elaborate ways of protecting oneself from rape, and therefore implying that those who do not follow these procedures, who don’t turn around three times and spit to ward off the evil spirits of rape, have no one but themselves to blame if they get assaulted. This allows the legend-believers to take refuge in the Just World Fallacy, to inhabit a world where they are safe because they know not to help children or flash their headlights, and to hell with everyone else.
On another level, these legends occupy the same space as the paranoid stories about black helicopters and the constant machinations of the Antichrist. They allow those who believe them to live in a more exciting and morally satisfying world. In the world of these legends, rape isn’t an ugly violation of trust from someone you know and love, it’s an elaborate plot, involving a whole organization with hidden identities and disguises and knockout spray and electrified booby traps. I suppose the logic is that if one has to suffer the trauma of sexual assault, it’s better to do it in a mid-70s James Bond film.
One of the ongoing roadblocks to getting people to acknowledge and confront the realities of rape culture is stories like these, thinking like this. We want to believe in villains rather than systems, in conspiracies rather than conditions, in culprits rather than culture. As long as people would rather inhabit an alternate reality that’s more comforting, we’re going to have a hard time convincing them of the realities of this one.
Photo—B.Kerah/Flickr
I liked the article, but the comments…
There’s some misreading of Schrodinger’s Rapist going on here. It’s not a how-to manual for women. It’s not saying women *should* be afraid of all men. It’s explaining to men a reality that many women face, whether it’s fair or not (to the women or to the men). I’m a single, young woman. And if a man approaches me, I have no way of knowing whether it’s an innocuous he-only-wants-directions reason or not. That’s the point. I have no idea what your intentions are and I have no responsibility to be friendly and helpful to you. It might be that… Read more »
It’s about approaching a woman for any reason, without quantifier. It could be for any reason, like asking for directions.
And regardless of the reaction, it is still sexist. What makes it ok to assume the worst about a man ,because penis – but not becuase of his skin colour?
I first heard this “electrocution” story in Junior High, and even then I knew it was a load of crap. Heard a few other variations of it over the years as well (including a version that ended with “she woke up in a tub of ice and her kidney was gone!” instead of a gangbang.) Figures that in the Internet Age every hoary urban myth that ever existed would be brought back to life. And a multitude of others would be created. Good grief….
Rape culture is in itself a rape myth. There is no data to support the notion that ordinary men are raping women without their knowing it and there is good data (Lisak/Miller) to support the more traditional and rational belief – that its a small number of personality disordered men that know what they are doing.
And there is also the fact that the very things associated with rape culture like for instance availability of hardcore pornography are inversely correlated with rape. And also the fact that other crimes like murder, theft and robbery are correlated positively with rape which you wouldn’t expect of rape were produced by some special culture. But you would expect if rape was done by the same anti-social individuals who commit murders, assaults and robberies.
Rape culture is not a myth. Orchid and assman, I don’t know what literature you have been reading, but rape culture is real. It’s the fact that we live in a society that blames the victim. Maybe you, personally, don’t. That’s great. But a woman is raped and there is a large set of people who ask what she was doing to put herself in that position in the first place. Rape culture is when a teenager is sexually violated and a celebrity asks why she put herself in that position in the first place (that position being unconscious and… Read more »
They are trying to say that rapists are criminals, and rape fits in with murder and robbery. This view is supported by lisk and miller who found that 70% of the violence in their survey was committed by the single digit percentage of men who also rape. (Their survey asked about all kinds of violence, and slotted the rape question in at the end)
Getting rid of violence in our society will also get rid of rape.
Gonna rant in this answer and generalize a bit, hope it makes sense! From what I understand rape culture is more about the shit that goes on like if a woman is drunk, there was a recent study showing 20% or so of people think her being drunk meant she couldn’t be raped, she was asking for it, etc. Stuff like that, or men are always wanting sex, an erection is consent, myths that promote rape. Victims being blamed for their own rape, and not being believed when they’ve been drunk, etc. Schroedingers rapist however may be a good explanation… Read more »
I think you make a lot of good points. On the rejecting issue, a lot of men think there is “hope” when there is clearly none. I wish men would realize that if you ask a woman out and she says “I can’t, I’m busy” and doesn’t suggest an alternative (“How about next week?”) – it means NO. Yes, women could be more direct but how easy it for anyone to say “No, I don’t like you?” or “I am not attracted to you and never will be.” No one wants to be mean (well most people don’t).
See that pisses me off, cuz if I say I can’t, I’m busy, I usually mean later on is ok. I suggest saying “Sorry, I appreciate the offer but I am not interested. I hope you find a great woman/man, good luck.” and do so in a calm, happy, upbeat n positive voice and I doubt many will find insult there. It’s not mean at all, it’s mean to leave people hanging and not be direct because it gives hope.
Honestly, I think this may be an example of a failure of male-female communication. When women talk to each other, a lot of information is conveyed indirectly through tone of voice and body language and what is NOT said. We don’t just focus on the words, we look at the whole picture. For example, if a woman is REALLY attracted to you and REALLY wants to date you, she WON’T be busy — she will make time. Or if she has a prior commitment she can’t get out of, she will (a) explain what the problem is and (b) offer… Read more »
I’ve often found her signals to be ambiguous though, being direct with words is soooo much better. I think a lot of men feel led on, like when a girl is all over a guy but then gives him the friendzone speech. EG, If you are touching a guy a lot, hugging, cuddling, acting like a GIRLFRIEND would and then tell him no, you don’t wanna date then quite frankly you’re an asshole for it.
Instead of being pissed off, how about acknowledging and accepting that there are different communication styles that are taught and learned and deeply ingrained? There are TONS of things that are left unspoken and implied or assumed in all kinds of communication; doubtless you do it yourself in ways that you’re unaware of it’s so habitual and (you assume) generally understood. One of my first aware experiences of this was when I stayed with a family from another North American sub-culture and mistakenly mistook the timing of their responses as offensive and rude — basically they were talking over each… Read more »
Well both need to clarify but she definitely should not be ambigious. Why does it piss me off? Because I’ve heard women say they’re busy now as a way of saying ask later. Some women get annoyed if you don’t ask them later and expect you to mindread them. It’s childish and annoying because body language is not direct nor is it always accurate. My body language often says I am one thing but deep down I am another. If women continue to be ambiguous to rejecting men then they only have themselves to blame if the man asks again… Read more »
In all honesty, and as a woman, this pisses me off too. If I say “I’m busy,” I mean “I’m busy.” If I say “I’m not interested,” it means “I’m not interested.” If I say “I don’t think we’re a good match,” I really hope I don’t get quizzed on exactly why. But hopefully it’s straight forward enough. Granted, there are ways of being straight forward and saying what you mean without being mean. But I really do not want the responsibility put on me of someone thinking I’m rejecting them when I’m just not. When I’m really busy.
Exactly. I have plenty of female friends that are direct, so in all fairness it’s perfectly understandable to ask again later unless they look scared or make some gesture since many women are direct.
Something like “Sorry, I’m really buy right now but ask me in a few days” might go down better.
Yes! Absolutely this! It’s why articles like Schroedinger’s Rapist only further *disempower* women by making them feel like any person they talk to on the street is a rapist in disguise. Living in fear of the unknown is a horrible thing. And statistically nearly pointless given the real dangers lie from people they know and trust. Sadly.
Schroedinger’s Rapist is quite a nasty one. Not only does it disempower women by making them feel like any person they encounter on the street MIGHT be a rapist in disguise but it also relieves women of anything resembling responsibility for rape prevention. Nope its up to men to stop rape because this is one of the few times where the actions of the few actually do represent the whole. And don’t be a guy that gets pissed about it either cuz that’s a whole new can of worms. He’ll be told that he shouldn’t be mad at those that… Read more »
@ Danny There is a subset of Schroedinger’s Rapist also. I remember once in college I was working late in a computer lab. My college was located in a rougher section of town, which was also almost entirely black. A white woman I didn’t know, but (I assume) was also a student asked me to walk her to her car parked four blocks away. I think there’s also a view that some men (those more “other”) are more likely to rape. I guess she viewed an unknown, light skinned, college educated, man as less of a threat than the unknown… Read more »
Yes, not only are we men supposed to stop rape, but according to SR we’re still suspect as potential rapists.
So hey, if a woman needs help? Ooh, better be careful. Wouldn’t want to be a Schrodinger’s Rapist now, would I?
All SR does is promote bigotry against men, and discourages decent men from intervening.
Schroedinger Rapist does a much much worse thing it dehumanizes men. It makes men feel as though they have been excluded from respectable society. We condemn social exclusion because of race, gender etc. Why is the social exclusion leveled at men not condemned. The other thing is that this relates very directly to racism. Black men have always been treated as sub-human and socially excluded precisely because of the idea that they were sexual predators. Now this idea has been applied to every man. Black men are now legitimate targets once again by virtue of being men. And as usual… Read more »
Wow, there is a lot to unpack here. I’m a white woman, don’t know that I would really identify as a “feminist” but I did date a black guy for awhile, in my early 30s. It didn’t ultimately work out, but he was a really good guy and I remember the time fondly. We just didn’t have enough in common to make it serious. Anyway I hear you about the mistrust of men and Schroedinger’s Rapist, but here’s the thing: just as nearly all black men have had the experience of being pulled over for Driving While Black, Walking “Suspiciously”… Read more »
“nearly all women have either been raped or been in a situation where rape was imminent or very likely” Where does this stat come from? I’ve seen 25% for rape & attempted rape, but I’m not aware of a stat over 50%
From personal experience and those of my female friends and coworkers I would say that the statistics of rape, abuse and sexual assault in America are very low compared to actuality. Sort of a catch 22, the few friends that I have had actually report rape and assault have all been dragged through the mud by courts, law enforcement, and even their own friends and family and none of them resulted in any convictions. Most of my friends who have suffered do so in silence, unwilling or emotionally unable to come forward. Most statistics on rape in America now say… Read more »
Kat makes an important point about unreported rape, though the caution expressed in a previous post that hard facts matter is also important. On rainn.org they note that half of rapes are unreported, so the 25% stat is more like 38% or so, but not half. Issues such as inappropriate touching in a dance club or elsewhere, and particularly street harassment, are not the same as rape but exist on the lower end of the same spectrum. Carol Brooks Gardner from Indiana University, Indianapolis did an extensive study and found that 100% of women have experienced street harassment. The one… Read more »
Actually the 25% stat is still 25%, because they include rapes that aren’t reported.
I read shroedingers rapist too and saw the links it has to assuming men are pedophiles and how many men now cannot interact freely with children because of outright bigotry towards them. Now there are PLENTY OF MEN who fear interacting with women because they don’t want to make them uncomfy, so women and men are losing out because there are people who make it overblown.
A majority of my male friends have had an unwanted or abusive sexual experience, or suffered child abuse. Most of my male friends are over 30 and not in serious relationships, like me…This is because I make friends with people like me.
Your friends are not a random sample of women, and cannot be extrapolated to women as a whole. You just aren’t friends with the women who have had entirely positive or neutral experiences with men.
I too think this thread has gotten skewed by the addition of the “Schrödinger’s Rapist” writing. This article seems to be saying that rape urban legends do more harm than good to women by deflecting their rape fears onto “others” or in this case, elaborate plans by gang members, rather then on the more likely perpetrators…their friends and family…yeesh. The “Schrödinger’s Rapist” writing is merely an open letter written by one women to explain to men what it is like to live as a women in our society and then offers suggestions on how to interact with women that will… Read more »
He’s not lucky, he is male, he’s actually more likely to be attacked than you are. Men are the most likely victim of violent crime in public, and most likely victim of murder. He’s simply ignoring his fear or doesn’t have the fear. Women can learn to ignore it too. Women really need to stop fucking spreading the myth of male safety in public. I am 6’6, 300lbs, and I am shit scared at night when alone in public. Men are the most likely victim of violence, we are NOT SAFE or safer than women so please women stop spreading… Read more »
I also began thinking how lucky he was that he could even do this kind of photography, out at night, in remote areas. So “lucky” means being more likely to be the target of just about every non sexual crime under the moon than a woman? That’s a problem that predates Shroedinger’s Rapist and has apparently been exacerbated by it. Being less likely to be the target of sex crimes because one is male is not “luck” when being male increases the likelyhood of nearly every other violent crime. My point is that unless you are a women you have… Read more »
I too think this thread has gotten skewed by the addition of the “Schrödinger’s Rapist” writing. This article seems to be saying that rape urban legends do more harm than good to women by deflecting their rape fears onto “others” or in this case, elaborate plans by gang members, rather then on the more likely perpetrators…their friends and family…yeesh. And SR is no exception to this – in this case the other is the group of men in general, when occupying a public space with them. And the point about the more likely perpetrators applies here too as you aren’t… Read more »
“nearly all women have either been raped or been in a situation where rape was imminent or very likely.” For this to be true, most men would have to be rapists or at least a large portion unless NEARLY ALL women have been around a small percentage of men who are rapists. Last I saw around 6% of men were rapists (something like 2-3% for women I’d guess), so that 6% is raping or nearly raping let’s say 95% of women? Rape stats show around 1 in 4 women have been raped, that’s not nearly all, that’s not even the… Read more »
Upthread, someone said women have a responsibility to avoid being raped. Isn’t being cautious a part of that? I don’t mean being paranoid but just being careful not to get into situations unnecessarily where you could be in danger. Like, don’t walk alone at night through a bad neighborhood. Don’t accept a ride from a stranger (of either gender). Etc.
There’s a difference between, “I don’t know about this guy. I better be careful.” and “I don’t know this guy. If he doesn’t do something to make me feel comfortable that means he’s a threat.”
Its a big leap between being cautious because of unknowns and holding an entire subset of people accountable and responsible for your person on caution and how to proceed with it.
This, with emphasis on *guy*. This behaviour is blatantly and needlessly gendered.
Because women are frequently raped by other women? I’d say it’s not “needlessly” gendered. Actually, when walking alone, I usually don’t like to be approached by any single person, be they man or woman. And it’s not my responsibility to be smiley and open to random people on the street just because I’m a woman. Look, I get that in a just and utopian world, no one would be afraid of anyone and we’d all smile and say hello to each other. In that world, articles like SR wouldn’t be necessary. But in the world that we live in, or… Read more »
I’ll respond to both of your comments in one post. If SR is only being used descriptively, then that is one thing. However plenty of people use it as prescriptive, exhorting men and only men to change their behaviour in the street, and only towards women, often beyond that which is expected of them towards men. I’ve seen men encouraged to cross the street if they see a woman approaching. I’ve seen men encouraged to announce their presence if walking behind women. It is when the advice becomes gendered that it becomes problematic. Even if it is descriptive it is… Read more »
If women are that scared, then why aren’t women crossing the street instead? Why is it up to men to change their behaviour to suit a woman’s fears by walking across a street? Sounds overly like entitlement to me, entitlement to have others change their life to suit your own needs. It’s fine to expect people to leave you alone but I draw the line at expecting others to change where they walk just to suit your own fears.
When it comes to movement in public, whoever has the fear-reaction is responsible for acting on it, in my opinion.
“For this to be true, most men would have to be rapists or at least a large portion unless NEARLY ALL women have been around a small percentage of men who are rapists.” It’s the latter: it’s a small percentage of men who are rapists or would-be rapists, but those men target as many women as they can. This is not a “baseless accusation” – regardless of what any statistics say (and 25% would be more than bad enough to cause women to be very cautious), pretty much any random woman you talk to is going to have experienced some… Read more »
Anyway I hear you about the mistrust of men and Schroedinger’s Rapist, but here’s the thing: just as nearly all black men have had the experience of being pulled over for Driving While Black, Walking “Suspiciously” While Black, and other such indignities, nearly all women have either been raped or been in a situation where rape was imminent or very likely. And now I’m hearing men dismiss the experience of women with “statistics” in much the same way that white people try to deny to black people that racism is still a thing. It’s not cool, in either case. This… Read more »
aaaaand blockquote fail -_-
It sucks, and it doesn’t mean we want to exclude or mistrust all men, but I just don’t feel that I owe it to every man I’ve never met to put myself in a position where I don’t feel comfortable, just to avoid hurting the feelings of someone I (again) haven’t met. So you understand why there are guys that feel they don’t owe it to women to “earn their trust” by going out of their way to make them feel comfortable in such situations? When you’re told be virture of being male that you should cross to the other… Read more »
I also want to make it clear that I totally believe you when you say women like that exist – that is, women who are scared of men (and often black men in particular) to the point where all of them are worthy of mistrust and considered potential rapists and predators. I’m not dismissing that – just saying there are plenty of women who don’t feel that way, even though we may in some circumstances be more cautious around strangers than you would like.
I’m a white feminist woman and I’ve dated many black men, a Chinese man, a Mexican man, a Polish man and a German man. Oh, and a hunk from Switzerland. I don’t choose my men based on their ethnicity. I choose them by how they treat me. Which is how all women should be choosing their men.
Plenty.