As a young girl and as a woman, I have received catcalls from guys, as most women have before the uproar of harassment scandals.
The strangers couldn’t control their raging manhood while in the bar, walking on the sidewalk, or pumping gas. They were always more confident shouting in numbers, too.
- Age 18: “Damn girl, I could bounce a quarter off that ass!”
- Age 21: “Nice tits!”
- Age 25: “You are fucking hot.”
I stood unflattered—never smiling in return. All of these catcalls were unwelcome. I didn’t leave the scenes tall and poised, chin up, or feeling beautiful. Fire filled my chest instead. And these men had no idea who I was or that my brain actually worked. They also didn’t care. To them, I served as nothing more than a less attractive version of what they found in magazines.
Although these catcalls infuriated me, I think that men can still look.
With the current climate, I assume that men—good men—are afraid to flatter a woman. Shit, they must be afraid to look—to notice the woman buying a cup of coffee in the long, flowing sundress.
I get it.
But looking at beautiful things is a part of human nature. We sneak peaks at the opposite sex and the same sex. Gay, straight, whatever—we look. Today, good guys don’t want to be caught glancing at a woman. They don’t want to be compared to Weinstein, Trump, or the newest asshole who will be called out later today. I don’t blame the good men for being scared—for placing muzzles over their mouths and blinders over their eyes.
Women are beautiful.
Women like to look good—for themselves— but it’s okay for the good men to notice. It’s okay to even give us a compliment. Here’s how it’s done without acting as another harasser:
- Age 21: I was canoeing down a Michigan river while sharing a canoe with my boyfriend, today my husband, in a black bikini. A young guy shouted to us across the water, “Hey dude! Is that your girlfriend? She’s beautiful, you’re one lucky guy!”
- Age 25: While stumbling the streets of Chicago in a low-cut dress, (in what some would say I was “asking for it”) I saw the same guy a handful of times between bars. As we were entering our final cab of the evening he said, “You’re the prettiest girl. Have a nice night.”
- Age 33: I was picking up a dozen bagels in a dress at a local coffee shop. An old man with striking white hair waltzed up to me and said, “That dress looks lovely on you, dear.”
See the difference?
When a man vocally respects how a woman outwardly appears, it can feel like a compliment. He can make us feel like a person who is valued—not a body who is objectified.
At age thirty-six and two kids later, the compliments are dwindling. My silver strands are popping through my dark brown locks. My crow’s feet stay after I’m done laughing. You can no longer bounce a quarter off my ass. And I’ll admit, I like the praises I receive once a year. No, I don’t need them now that I’m older and more comfortable with my sagging body. But on occasion, it feels nice to get one from someone other than my husband.
Men, don’t be afraid to admire to us. You can look. Flatter us.
Just never, ever give a catcall.
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