Although 2018 has been compared to the “Year of the Woman” (1992), men remain entrenched in most leadership positions from the dance floor to the Oval Office.
On the micro level, the tension is between the extent to which women are willing (and able, based on circumstances) to step up versus the extent to which men are willing to step back. Recently I was asked to explain what I look for in a woman as I swipe left or right — so to speak — and I mentioned assertiveness. I like women who can lead, and I like women who want to lead.
This distinction is important because I have known women who have deferred to men even when it was obvious to me that they held strong leadership potential. I was raised by women who did not defer to men, so I’m more comfortable with female assertiveness than I am with (stereotypical) passivity. Assertiveness gives me a sense of comfort: when times are tough, I know I can rely on my partner. I also know that I don’t have to be perfect.
Some men may not admit this, but it’s really not desirable to make all the decisions all the time.
Moreover, leadership has been redefined in the modern age. The Social Change Model of Leadership Development, for example, promotes leadership as a process instead of a static position. It is also normative, which means that achievement is not celebrated for its own sake but is measured based on adherence to values of social justice, collaboration, service, and so on.
I am very critical of how individual leaders in the Western world are worshiped for achieving financial success, for example, even when they’ve contributed virtually nothing of real value to society. Donald Trump is the poster child of this tendency. We need alternative models to become mainstream so that leadership is no longer associated with megalomania. This starts with the empowerment of women and other historically marginalized groups.
To reiterate, I am not suggesting that we merely replace inadequate male leadership with female leadership, even though megalomania is a hallmark of the worst aspects of masculinity. Most Western institutions are hierarchical and concentrate power in the hands of a few. Democratic elections, which occur only periodically, do little to alter this reality, and the democratic ethos that underpins our political system is almost entirely absent in the workplace (not to mention the household). The problem is not so much a lack of individual leaders but a lack of creativity around what leadership could or should be.
Wannabe kings need to morph into collaborators.
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Male Stereotype Number One: Men Don’t Cry
Male Stereotype Number Two: Men Don’t Ask for Directions
Male Stereotype Number Three: Men are Competitive
Male Stereotype Number Four: Men Don’t Cook
Male Stereotype Number Five: Men are Warriors
Male Stereotype Number Six: Men Are Clumsy
Male Stereotype Number Seven: Men Are Aggressive
Male Stereotype Number Eight: Men are Either Good or Evil
Male Stereotype Number Nine: Men Can’t Be Friends with Women
Male Stereotype Number Ten: Men are Strong
Male Stereotype Number 11: Men are Breadwinners
Male Stereotype Number 12: Men Don’t Refuse Sex
Male Stereotype Number 13: Men ‘Manspread’
Male Stereotype Number 14: Men ‘Mansplain’
Male Stereotype Number 15: Men Don’t Listen
Male Stereotype Number 16: Men Are Better Drivers
Male Stereotype Number 17: Men Like Porn
Male Stereotype Number 18: Men Don’t Do Therapy
Male Stereotype Number 19: Men Can’t Handle Commitment
Male Stereotype Number 20: Men Aren’t Feminists
Male Stereotype Number 21: Men Like Guns
Male Stereotype Number 22: Men Don’t Have Feelings
Male Stereotype Number 23: Men Don’t Shop
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