The fact that I have commented on a different stereotype for each day of the month of December is evidence that I am opinionated. I am happy the month (and year) is over — both because 2018 did not treat me particularly well but also because I am out of good ideas (and opinions). Thirty-one male stereotypes are more than sufficient. It’s time for me to focus on other topics, and #MeToo is at the top of the list for 2019. My New Year’s resolution is to help advance this revolution.
While a large part of #MeToo is about listening to and believing women — and withholding our opinions as men — it appears that the movement has reached a new stage that goes beyond the popular hashtag. Now that many prominent men have been outed and held accountable to varying degrees, the question that remains is ‘what’s next’? A movement must be dynamic in order to remain relevant.
It also must be as inclusive as possible without diluting its message. I applaud efforts like #ItWasMe that bring men into the movement despite some pitfalls. While men who use the hashtag #MeToo to share their own stories of victimization can be accused of attempting to shift the conversation, men who share stories of past transgressions under #ItWasMe are strengthening the conversation by giving credibility to the victims. After all, it’s much harder to dismiss accusations when the accused admit them openly.
The central contradiction that must be addressed moving forward is how to achieve a satisfactory level of accountability for the victims while leaving open the possibility of redemption and reintegration. If this sounds too kind to the perpetrators, remember that not all transgressions are equal (sexual harassment is not on the same level as rape, for example) and also remember that even the most violent criminals usually return to society at some point. Barring life imprisonment or the death penalty, which has not been the fate of any perpetrator targeted by #MeToo so far, these men will see the light of day once again.
And what do we do then? It’s not an easy question. Are we satisfied with simple deterrence or do we push for sweeping cultural change?
This is where dialogue is necessary. As much as men might be too opinionated at times, I think we need to hear from as many people as possible now that #MeToo has successfully forced the conversation. We need to hear not only from those directly affected by gender-based violence but also from those far removed from it and from those who are unconvinced. Understanding the opposition in order to supplant it is essential in the pursuit of radical change. What if we could get inside the heads of all those (mostly white Republican) women who supported now-Justice Kavanaugh over Dr. Ford?
Most importantly, we must push beyond gender stereotypes. Perhaps the greatest folly of #MeToo is (unwittingly) reinforcing the female victim/male perpetrator dichotomy. Humans are complex. Gender is fluid. Justice is not an event but a process. The movement must evolve.
But that’s just one man’s (humble) opinion.
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Male Stereotype Number One: Men Don’t Cry
Male Stereotype Number Two: Men Don’t Ask for Directions
Male Stereotype Number Three: Men are Competitive
Male Stereotype Number Four: Men Don’t Cook
Male Stereotype Number Five: Men are Warriors
Male Stereotype Number Six: Men Are Clumsy
Male Stereotype Number Seven: Men Are Aggressive
Male Stereotype Number Eight: Men are Either Good or Evil
Male Stereotype Number Nine: Men Can’t Be Friends with Women
Male Stereotype Number Ten: Men are Strong
Male Stereotype Number 11: Men are Breadwinners
Male Stereotype Number 12: Men Don’t Refuse Sex
Male Stereotype Number 13: Men ‘Manspread’
Male Stereotype Number 14: Men ‘Mansplain’
Male Stereotype Number 15: Men Don’t Listen
Male Stereotype Number 16: Men Are Better Drivers
Male Stereotype Number 17: Men Like Porn
Male Stereotype Number 18: Men Don’t Do Therapy
Male Stereotype Number 19: Men Can’t Handle Commitment
Male Stereotype Number 20: Men Aren’t Feminists
Male Stereotype Number 21: Men Like Guns
Male Stereotype Number 22: Men Don’t Have Feelings
Male Stereotype Number 23: Men Don’t Shop
Male Stereotype Number 24: Men Are Leaders
Male Stereotype Number 25: Men Are Childish
Male Stereotype Number 26: Men are Stubborn
Male Stereotype Number 27: Men Are Territorial
Male Stereotype Number 28: Men Aren’t Nurturers
Male Stereotype Number 29: Men Are Selfish
Male Stereotype Number 30: Men are Controlling
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