Danny Torres suggests that to help create a safe world, we need to develop a regimen of kindness.
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“We know one in five girl children are sexually assaulted.”
– Jessica Valenti, Choosing Comfort Over Truth
Woody Allen is in the news again. And with allegations of sexual assault, it’s difficult to know the truth. Perpetrators lie. Rumors spread. TMZ articles get published. So as an exercise in reasonableness, I try to wait for things to play out. Yet again, however, I’m uncomfortable appreciating Allen’s work. Sexual assault is pervasive, ugly, and unforgivable. And all too common. To separate the art from the man is an approach I’ve taken in the past. Having to do this with regularity though is tiresome. But this is not just about Allen. This is about one in five. One in five girls. And the men who make that one in five a reality.
Jessica Valenti’s article about Allen was a shot of bourbon at seven o’clock in the morning. Too much too early. “We know one in five girl children are sexually assaulted.” That line burned. Made my blood boil. I was at the San Diego Convention Center when I read it. I walked in the exhibit hall thinking I had too much to read that morning. Kept thinking, how many women in the hall were assaulted when they were young? How many mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, cousins, grandmothers, school teachers, principals, directors, leaders have been hurt by men? How many men in the hall were monsters? And how many of these monsters will have received my hello, smile, or handshake during the course of the day?
But this is not just about Allen. This is about one in five. One in five girls. And the men who make that one in five a reality.
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But to proceed in this way, to continue this line of thinking and questioning, was paralyzing. To make it through the day, three things had to happen: 1) I had to be a better man, 2) I had to assume that people were good and decent in order to be a better man, and 3) I had to sacrifice for people, “over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways.”
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For Example
On my way out of the exhibit hall, I found myself walking behind a young woman, mid-twenties, wearing a knee brace and hauling a large black fiberglass case full of heavy materials. The case was nearly as big as she was, about 4 and a half feet tall, and likely heavier. Her Sisyphean boulder. She struggled, sighing and lunging with each step. And her limp was pronounced, awkward. She was clearly uncomfortable. Her entire body dipped with each effort forward, knees nearly buckling.
As she walked out the large exhibit hall doors to get to the lobby, a tall man in a tan jacket held the large door open. He clowned a smile and went on his way after she passed through. He let the door swing back to close. I rushed over and caught the door, then met up with her in the lobby.
“Let me help you,” I said.
“It’s okay,” she said, a bit relieved at first and then a bit reticent. “I got it.”
“I could use the workout,” I said. “It’s no problem.”
She accepted my help reluctantly. A stranger, I made her uncomfortable. And rightly. Who the hell was I? And what did I want? “We know one in five girl children are sexually assaulted.” By men mostly. But she was exhausted. And in pain. Vulnerable.
I made small talk to reassure her that I was harmless, that I was a man trying to be better. As I lugged that case to the elevator, I told her about my recent knee injury, to reassure her that I’d been injured too and vulnerable. That I’d been there. That she wasn’t alone.
As we walked down the enormous Convention Center lobby on the first floor, from the exhibit hall to the shipping center, I carried my own materials too, like a mule. But it was a weight I needed to bear.
My forehead perspired near the end of our trek. Not now, I thought. Not now. My sweat will make her uncomfortable. It’d gross her out. So I snuck in a quick swipe of my forehead with my sweater sleeve betting she wouldn’t see. And I had to take a deep breath when we reached the shipping center, and let out a grunt, a guttural bray like that galling guy at the gym finishing a set of powerlifting. My body betrayed me.
She accepted my help reluctantly. A stranger, I made her uncomfortable. And rightly. Who the hell was I? And what did I want?
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We were cordial as I left her case at the counter. The shipping attendant took the case and sent it off for delivery. I didn’t ask where. I never asked for her name. And she didn’t ask for mine.
I wished the young woman good luck. She wished me the same. And after we said our goodbyes, I left quickly, never looking back. It seemed appropriate. She had her guard up. And I wanted to make clear to her that I wanted to be a better man and wanted nothing in return. No confirmation on a job well done. No further assistance. I didn’t want to make her nervous. And she was right to have her guard up. “We know one in five girl children are sexually assaulted.”
♦◊♦
Some Daunting Statistics
According to the World Health Organization, 35% of women worldwide have experienced either intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
According to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), nearly one in five women (18%) in the United States have been raped in their lifetime; one in four women have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner; and one in six women (16%) have been stalked during their lifetime.
This is an enormous problem.
I blame us guys. I blame even us guys who think we are decent guys. Even me. We need to change the way we think. The way we act. The way we conduct ourselves in our public and private lives.
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And I don’t blame movies for this horror. I don’t blame magazines. I don’t blame video games. I don’t blame advertisements, guns, football, beauty pageants, the adult entertainment industry, bikinis, poverty, implants, spaghetti straps, short shorts, the education system, religion, biology, capitalism, or governments. And I certainly don’t blame women. I blame us guys. I blame even us guys who think we are decent guys. Even me. We need to change the way we think. The way we act. The way we conduct ourselves in our public and private lives. On the web and at school. On the field. On the court. In the gym. In the office. In the bar. And in the bedroom.
♦◊♦
Stopping Violence Against Women
Sure, we have complex brains full of greatness. And there’s much of it we don’t understand. But there is a lot of junk in there. So guys, if a harmful impulse presents itself, bury it. If you have a condition, get help. If you’re not sure what you think or do is harmful, think harder. Think more. Even if it’s just a smidgen of harm. Handle that. Then, and this is the most important thing, get out into the world and practice being decent.
Practice being decent. Dedicate time for this. Just as you do when you learn a new skill, a new sport or new computer code.
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It may require effort for some of you. Some sacrifice. But you can do it. Train your brain to recognize opportunity and go out of your way to do this. Practice being decent. Dedicate time for this. Just as you do when you learn a new skill, a new sport or new computer code. Be kind. Be helpful. Courteous. Reprogram yourself. Just as you did when you learned to play the piano or to sink a jump shot or to build a swing set for your kids. Practice. Do this with regularity. Practice. You can do this. If you get tired, push yourself to do one last extra set of kindness. It’s muscle memory. Practice.
I submit that if we express kindness and feel empathy toward men, women, and children, every day and work hard at it, we will become so good at it, we will begin to bring this one in five number down to zero.
I know this is possible because we all experience terrible thoughts every day and do nothing. Pulling off the highway at 65 MPH. Or punching someone in the face. Yelling at your children. But we can bury it. For self preservation. To follow the rule of law. So extend that ability to control yourself. Even if you’re angry, stressed, or tired. Or if you’ve been wronged or are out of luck or tasted bigotry and discrimination. Or the fist of a father.
Preserve humanity. Start doing kind things for people simply because they are people. Make small sacrifices to be kind. Hold the door for a guy twice your size, even if you’re carrying your own stuff or having a deep conversation with a friend. Don’t fret if your son wants to play with a girl’s doll. Offer help and your support to everyone, but to children and women especially.
Take the shopping cart all the way back to the cart rack near the store entrance. Don’t leave it near the car parked next to you. Take a little break from your day-to-day self interests. Be patient. Help a person out. Take a moment out of your busy schedule, or your angry disposition, and congratulate someone. Compliment them. Find the good.
And don’t expect a status boost for these acts. Don’t take one if offered. And when you get home, remind the people you care about. Remind them that there is good in you and in the world. And that you’re helping out.
So guys, when faced with an opportunity to be a dick, after a night out drinking with your girlfriend, and she’s had too much to drink, you’ll be poised instead to do the right thing. To be decent. You’ve had practice. You’ve done your reps. Help her to bed. Cover her up with a warm blanket and tuck her in. Let her sleep. And enjoy coffee and eggs with her in the morning.
♦◊♦
The reward is zero in five. And future generations of guys will know better. Your sons will know better. They’ll have watched you practice and will practice themselves.
Guys, five in five of us need to change.
Article originally appeared on Keep Using That Word.
Find Danny on Twitter @danny_torres
Image via Clker.com
Edit : One way to stop violence against women is stop violence by women.
One way to stop violence by women is stop violence by women.
One more way to stop violence against women is to stop violence by women.
I am a woman who has lived in a domestic violence situation and I empowered myself by leaving.
While I totally agree that violence against women has to come to an end so does violence against men, children and animals also has to come to an end, to me this shouldn’t be gender specific.
Obviously ending violence against anyone shouldn’t be gender specific. I do not think the article or author has anything in this article that would suggest otherwise. Simply by taking a perspective of acknowledging violence against women in this case (there are a ton of articles on GMP that also acknowledge violence unique to men), does not suggest that ending violence against anyone else is of less concern.
Frankly, we need to stop making assumptions and critcisms of articles for the things they don’t actually even suggest or say.
“Obviously ending violence against anyone shouldn’t be gender specific. I do not think the article or author has anything in this article that would suggest otherwise… Frankly, we need to stop making assumptions and critcisms of articles for the things they don’t actually even suggest or say.” Among other things OP itself says is: “This is about one in five. One in five girls. And the men who make that one in five a reality.” – That sounds like a pretty big suggestion of gendered roles to me; of who is victim, and who is victimizer, and of how it is gender… Read more »
This article has seemed to generate a lot of male/female animosity. I wonder if it has more to do with the topic itself, or the author’s self-flagellating tone. Because the topic is a valid one: even if men are often victims too, even if women often commit violence too, it doesn’t matter. Some men DO commit violence against women. It happens, and it’s bad: why?, and what can we do about it? The author’s tone, on the other hand, is one that’s often presented by vindictive female feminists and self-loathing male feminists alike: ALL men are bad, and they just… Read more »
“Good men and women DO need each other, not for any material reason, but because it makes us happy, because on some level we ARE each other.”
Well said.
TGMP- Why isn’t this the comment of the day, if not the month?
I’ve noticed a major increase in self-flagellation by men about violence against women. It’s really depressing the disproportional levelf of support men give women when we aren’t getting enough support for women with violence against us BY women. That’s why you see so many “whataboutthemenz” comments. I am not that intelligent yet I can see it clear as day, I am surprised so many intelligent people seem to overlook it. Articles that shame men like this “I blame us guys. I blame even us guys who think we are decent guys. Even me. We need to change the way we… Read more »
President Obama’s vision, from his talk yesterday, is what we need to address violence. There is an individual and societal component to violence. We’ve been addressing the male individual/societal component via the penal system and criminal justice, locking up boys and men since the beginning of time. They are primarily viewed as free agents of their destiny and hence responsible for their plight. On the other hand, women’s violence has been dealt with in a much more compassionate manner, as we treat the violence of juveniles and those that are acted upon and react without full personal control. Most people… Read more »
“Maybe addressing some of these problems in society would alleviate the pressures that push people over the line into criminal behavior. I don’t know the best way to accomplish it, but we certainly need to breakdown the traditional gender roles that have sown mistrust and vindictive anger between men and women.” RE: Paul – Some very significant insights in the entire post there Paul, to say the least. I thought you made a really great case for people looking at gender, as I read it, more apolitically & discussing it constructively, rather than having it be used dogmatically. Not to overplay (or… Read more »
Sorry about the double-post: it DID indeed double-post there after all… In retrospect, that was a lot of unnecessary re-typing to say the same thing again…
Wow, all I can say is, I can see why we have an MGTOW movement. If this is how you view men, and how we are the root of the “problem,” then you can deal with that problem yourselves.
Wow… these comments are diluting some pretty simple facts:
1.There are a lot of good men.
2. Men are considerably more violent than women and children.
3. For the world to be a safer place, all men have to have an awareness of, responsibility for, and commitment to change violent behaviour. Even the good men.
Good article.
Children learn violence from their caregivers at early ages, most caregivers of young children are women and women generally treat boys, even male infants more harshly than they treat girls. As the twig is bent so grows the tree. Start treating boys as people whose feelings matter, as if they are important rather than something to stuff away. Treating the effect of violence is less effective than treating the root cause.
Kate, last I heard, women have the capability of committing heinous abuse against men and women, boys and girls. Domestic Violence, Sexual Violence, there are female perpetrators out there in addition to male ones.
We can debate all you want about who carries the monopoly. The fact is, the world would be a safer place if BOTH GENDERS have an awareness of, responsibility for, and commitment to change violent behavior. Even the good ones.
Does the fact that women have the capability of committing henious crimes negate a discussion on women who are victims of henious crimes? Clearly, based on your response, it does. You have talked about *EVERYTHING* but what this actual articls has attempted to address.
This isn’t about “both genders”. This is about talking about women who are victims of sexual crime = bad, prejudice, harmful to men. Talking about men who are victims of sexual crime = good, right, just.
Thanks alot for your “support” of women.
Erin, I suggest you stop presuming that I don’t support women. You don’t know me in my personal life, you’ve never met me, so keep your presumptions to yourself please.
Eagle, you’re right, I don’t know you and what you do in your personal life. But my comments aren’t meant to be personal to you or your life off the board. You clearly said you are “all for supporting women”, but I couldn’t find one comment in response to this article that was actually in support of women. That’s is all I am really saying. If you are going to make a comment about how you are all for a general supporting of women, in response to an article about violence against women, and then none of your subsequent comments… Read more »
You made it personal, Erin, with the “Thanks alot for your ‘support’ of women”. Not only was that uncalled for, it was really offensive. I went out of my way, and was very careful, not to make similar remarks about you. Yet you couldn’t resist chiding me, could you? This is the last time I’m going to say this and we’re done: Critiquing this article, the methods it applies, does not equate that I don’t support women. I don’t need to adhere to your standards of what it takes to support women. And I don’t need you making snark remarks… Read more »
How have I forced you to any “standard”? Show me where I articulated any “standard” to begin with. I asked you a question. It was asked respectfully. It was an extremely broad question. You responded with outrage that I would dare ask you how you support women. Because apparently, asking someone how they do something is offensive. You said you support women. But you followed it with a “But”. None of your following comments showed any support for women. So I asked you where I could find those and you have the audacity to become defensive about that. Not fair.… Read more »
Eagle35- I wish I could say this in person as I mean it in the kindest way, but I suspect it will be taken as offensive. Saying you support women and actually supporting women are two very different things. If you truly and honestly supported women I doubt you would be making the comments you are and getting defensive. Truly supporting women would mean saying “I accept that women experience sexual violence in unacceptable amounts and will do my best to do what I can to reduce the amount of violence ANYONE may experience”. Any other response to an article… Read more »
Lets not erase the 1 in 6 boy children who suffer sexual child abuse.
https://1in6.org/
How does an article that talks about the sex crimes women and girls face erase anything for boys or men? Mike, there are many articles exclusive to men and boys about the sex crimes they suffer and not one of those articles erases or minimizes anything for girls or women. Having an article that exclusively focuses on women and girls or having an article that exclusively focues on men and boys, does absolutely nothing to take away from the other gender. Stepping into an article, that clearly is specific to talking about stopping violence against a specific gender, does not… Read more »
It’s more than just the argument that we ought to be gender neutral in our criticisms. Yes, boys and men are the victims of sexual violence, too, and it’s wrong. But we also can’t ignore the truth. I don’t know the numbers, but I think it’s safe to say that men are more often the perpetrators of sexual violence and misbehavior. As men, if that’s the truth, we should own that. But it’s how we look at it that’s important. Because, as noble as it may seem to him, the author accomplishes little, if anything, by chastising men for their… Read more »
Paul: ” Yes, boys and men are the victims of sexual violence, too, and it’s wrong. But we also can’t ignore the truth.” Again, how do you know that women suffer more is the TRUTH? Statistics? We DON’T KNOW it’s the truth because the idea that boys and men can be victims of sexual and domestic violence is a fairly recent phenomenon that has yet to be explored. And any attempts to explore it further have been met with extreme resistance and opposition from the very people who supposedly care. Again, look what happened here: People constantly throwing “Women have… Read more »
Eagle35, I admitted that I suspect, but don’t know, that “men are more often the perpetrators of sexual violence.” (I never said anything about “women suffering more,” although my guess is that they suffer sexual violence “more often”). Statistics in this matter are often misleading, anyway. I have no problem believing that the incidence of sexual violence against boys and men is much higher than reported. I also suspect that incidences of non-sexual violence against men is higher than against women, if that makes you feel better. I don’t know what you mean by “people who supposedly care.” My guess… Read more »
Paul: “Of course, even then, I would be fairly certain that the sexual abuse is largely perpetrated by men on other males.”
Why would you be fairly certain that sexual abuse is largely perpetrated by men on other males when hardly any research is being done on the subject and the statistics are misleading?
You want to talk about sexual abuse of men and boys, that’s fine. Of course, even then, I would be fairly certain that the sexual abuse is largely perpetrated by men on other males. That used to be the common perception which I suspect was to a large degree caused by most research not even asking about female perpetration. So what happens when one does? In the NISVS 2010 Report published by CDC male victims of sexual violence reported a majority of female perpetrators in all categories of sexual violence except rape – which was by the CDC defined as… Read more »
Some very significant insights there Paul, to say the least. I thought you made a really great case for people looking at gender, as I read it, more apolitically & discussing it constructively, rather than having it be used dogmatically. Not to overplay (or underplay) the role of gender, I personally think it’s important to also remember that there is a subtle difference between an assertion that ‘most people who commit violence are males’ (which, by and large, is statistically factual) and asserting or implying by this that ‘most people commit violence BECAUSE of they are male/because of masculinity’- which is conflating correlation… Read more »
This is a perfect example of White Knighting, or coming to the rescue of women whether they want it or not. It proves you are better than those “other” men and elevates your position with women. It may not be a conscious choice, but it is condescending.
She accepted my help reluctantly. A stranger, I made her uncomfortable. And rightly. Who the hell was I? And what did I want? “We know one in five girl children are sexually assaulted.” This is reason enough not to stick your neck out for any woman — and particularly not for any feminist. They immediately assume you’re out to rape them. lol Brothers, let them struggle with their heavy bags. Being polite and helping strangers is “benevolent sexism” and is “the equivalent of violent sexual assault”. Of course, if it’s another man who is struggling, I always help out, hold… Read more »
One other thing, OP:
OP “I blame us guys. I blame even us guys who think we are decent guys. Even me. We need to change the way we think. The way we act. The way we conduct ourselves in our public and private lives.”
While I sympathize with the guilt you feel for your fellow man, it is still YOUR guilt. Don’t project it on to me nor tell me how to think, act or conduct myself in private or public. That’s facism.
OP “I blame us guys. I blame even us guys who think we are decent guys. Even me. We need to change the way we think. The way we act. The way we conduct ourselves in our public and private lives.”
“Blame-all and Praise-all are two blockheads.” –Benjamin Franklin, in ‘Poor Richard’s Almanack’ 1734
Agreed, Eagle35- When we project our own feelings or prejudices onto others, based simply on the fact that they share an arbitrary characteristic (with ourselves or others) then that’s not fighting prejudice or injustice, it’s perpetuating it, whether it’s pushing a social agenda or not.
Not sure if this double-posted– sorry.
What makes me sad is that almost every guy out there IS a good guy. The statistics are horrific and makes total sense for me as a woman who has had her fair share of groping, verbal abuse, threats, heavy breathing phonecalls, assaults and all that crap. Somehow the statistics convey the feeling that guys is shitty on a large scale which is NOT true. The guys who DO behave douchy usually have a very long trail of victims/sufferers. I´ve known many men in my life; coworkers, friends, spouses of friends, neighbours, relatives, schoolmates. 99,9% of them have been good… Read more »
In your first paragraph you justify the article with your victim hood.
In the next you refute it?
Think about it is 0.1% of men getting around to sexually assulting 25% of women?
You are irratoinal and incapable of logical thought.
You tell us every guy you know is good but that you have had your fair share of men grope/harass etc you suggests you come across a lot of the men the article talks about.
Which is it?
http://www.theguardian.com/…/men-victims-domestic-violence Dear The Good Men Project, if you want to portray yourself as a platform that helps enrich men’s lives, how about you stop doing the same nonsense every other media platform does and that is portray only men as perpetrators and women as victims. Leave the man hating to rabid feminists and the Uncle Tims who will gladly sell out their gender to gain female approval. Violence against EVERYBODY is the problem.
Wow, powerfull article.
Really goes to show just how much junk science is out there doesn’t it.
You link to the summary , why not link to the actual study that shows the questions they used to determine all these things. You take the numbers at face value and don’t question where they came from and from there go on to blame ALL GUYS for the crimes of others.
I feel bad for you Danny. The water boarding has worked. They have succeeded. Tell a lie. Make it a big one. Say it often. Say it like even you believe it. Eventually everyone will take it as fact. Where has this happened before… Mein Kampf. The result: Now you resent being you. Simply becuase you are male. You feel guilty for simply going about life. You feel you need to change to accomidate someone elses irrationality. You feel you need to accommidate the messages being bleeted at you. You stop rational thought process. You become one of them. Humans… Read more »
wow.. men must hate feeling a fraction of what was put on women for hundreds of thousands of years. Women handled it a lot better than men are currently handling it; and men have more freedom than women did. Men would not have survived if society’s structure flipped with men having no name, no rights, no voice. Women were bought and sold and had their identities stripped from them and this is called “rational”, “fair” and “just” Now a woman’s choice to simply KEEP her name (not stripping the man of his identity mind you) is met with such fury… Read more »
“wow.. men must hate feeling a fraction of what was put on women for hundreds of thousands of years.” So women have been sent to wars filled with propaganda by government to die in their millions? Women were out working themselves to death to protect families? This is not oppression olympics. Nice use of your feminist filter and focus only on the history of the suffering of women. And women aren’t being cast in the eye of the public as presumed or potential murderers and rapists for simply being born male. “Men would not have survived if society’s structure flipped… Read more »
“men have more freedom than women did. ”
Depends on the time period. Whenever war was around, most people didn’t have freedom, especially the men conscripted. The women who were in the non-occupied land had more freedom usually.
I see where your coming from but please don’t use gender for this topic It should simply be One Way to Help Stop Violence against people It minimises the chances men have of seeking and getting help when all victims should have the same access. It indirectly stigmatises men as the violent sex while this not true, men and women both have capacity for violence, maybe not quite statisticly equally accross society, but women can and are just as violent as men. I’m a guy who was abused as a kid, coming from an abusive marriage to an alcoholic My… Read more »
Yeah, I agree.
Look, I’m all for supporting women. But seriously, we’re not going to get anywhere if we keep focusing on women alone. With more men and boys reporting their abuse at the hands of male and female perpetrators, this isn’t realistic and even downright dismissive of their experiences.
I want to deal with domestic violence period. Men and women suffer from it.
And please enough with the “Women have it worse” reflex reaction. Both genders suffer, BOTH should receive equal supports.
I am yet to see a single article by a woman asking for women to stop violence against men. It is very disheartening to see so many men stepping up to the plate, whilst women seem largely uninterested in stopping violence against men. Makes you wonder if women really are feeling a sense of entitlement today. Prove me wrong folks! And before anyone accuses me of not caring, I have sheltered a DV victim before, have helped a few women leave and currently am helping a woman get past her experience with it and helping her seek safety too. What… Read more »
We should talk about stopping violence, period. But I don’t think we can end it by focusing on the victim. We need to focus on the ones causing harm to society. statistically, men are causing more physical harm to society than women. Most violence against women is done by men. Most violence done against MEN is done by MEN. We need to focus on the offender not the victim. focusing on victims is not going to help end violence. (they need focus to help them heal from the violence they experienced but this isn’t going to do anything in regard… Read more »
Most of the violence against children is done by WOMEN!
Mike, I’ve heard other people express that view. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. I do know that women in general have a lot more contact with children then men do. Even with more fathers being involved with their children’s lives today. Thus possibly skewing the number only due to sheer oppurtunity, not neccesarily because women somehow are simply more abusive then men toward children.
I am sorry, but that read as an excuse. It reads as if exposure to children make them do it, not as something they do themselves and something they themselves need to be responsible for and something they need to stop doing. The fact is that keeping the focus on male perpetrators while ignoring female perpetrators are doing those children abused by women a big disservice. Just as a focus exclusively on female perpetrators would do the children abused by men a big disservice. Unfortunately there is as some have pointed out a tendency in our society to focus exclusively… Read more »
Eagle, I in no way though tthat the author was saying women have it worse. I simply think he was trying to hold a conversation about sex crimes against women and what men can do to help. further, there are many articles on GMP that exclusively focus on sexual crimes against boys and men. It’s certainly a good discussion to have. It certainly doesn’t take anything away from women when we exclusively focus on sex crimes againts boys and men. I just can’t help wonder why when I see articles that focus on sex crimes against women, a lot of… Read more »
Erin: “I just can’t help wonder why when I see articles that focus on sex crimes against women, a lot of people seem to believe that this does infact take something away from boys and men.” Well, take a look at what happened just now in this commentary section. Someone spouting how we should focus mainly on male perpetrator’s because that’s what statistics dictate. In other words, they think female perpetrators are a minority and male victims only harmed by men. This is a perfect example of what I mean. The reason why I specifically focus on female perpetrators and… Read more »
Eagle, you had a problem with this article before anyone else chimed in. Especially that person. I think your issue is with the fact that this articles takes a viewpoint that is specific in it’s focus on women. And I do not think you would have had an issue at all if instead, this articles had a specific focus on men. Now, can you please focus on my response to you instead of bringing in a third party response? You have not addressed any one of my points and instead used someone else’s comments as a response to mine. I’d… Read more »
Erin: “Do you acknowledge that this article is clear in it’s title? Which is: “One Way to help Stop Violence Against Women.”” Yes. Erin: “Did you come into this article because you cared about stopping violence against women or because you believed that an article exclusively focused on women somehow takes something away from men?” I came here to speak out about the method it applies, and that is treating every single man as guilty and using bogus statistics. Also that violence isn’t gendered. Erin: “Where you perhaps confused about what the articles was going to be about?” No. In… Read more »
Well, I won’t get to much more into it then since you’ve already checked out of the conversation. I will only say this. You’re angry that the author has brought “decent men” into the conversation. Well I am sorry but it takes those of us who are infact decent to create real change. It’s kind of like you’re saying, “Because I am a decent man, I do not have to do anything to help because I have no responsibility here.” It’s those of us who are decent who need to lead the way. And even sometimes when we are decent… Read more »
If women experienced violence at the same rate that men do it would be an improvement from their current circumstances.
Its not about the people experiencing violence. Victims aren’t the PROBLEM. they are the SYMPTOM of the problem. The fact that MOST these victims experienced violence BY MEN is the problem that needs to be addressed. The idea that you can use “men are harmed as much as women are” as counterarguement to the real problem of WHO is causing the violence is just going to distract from the real problem. Vitims ARE NOT THE PROBLEM, so why are people so focused on the victims as a way of stopping violence… unless ALL these people think that those experiencing violence… Read more »
Interesting new way of dodging the issue.
First it’s “Male victims of females are a minority”.
Now it’s “This shouldn’t be about the victims. It should be about the perpetrators.” Every time male victims are brought up.”.
Come up with another one, why don’t you.
Huh? if women experienced violence like men did you’d see a 3-4x increase of female deaths from violence.
Women are as or more violent than men. They will defend their turf as aggressively as anyone for sound evolutionary reasons. And good on them. My mum refused to have an abortion because my birth was a risk. She defended her child with her life and I’m here because of her courage. It’s just not physically against a man as the risk of losing is to high. They are given to verbal, emotional, mental and especially economic violence. The ONLY gender difference is that once engaged in physical violence, more women then men end up hospitalized. Go toe to toe… Read more »
I agree, we should end violence against people.