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In the stillness of this Sunday afternoon as I hear the clinking sounds of the bars of the prison gates, it awakes me to the fact, I am separated from my father.
As a child, no one would tell me why my father was in prison or why he had lost his freedom. But we had always had these Sunday afternoon picnics once a month and I would get a physical reminder my father was alive and well. I could recognize his face reflected within my own.
The separation caused me to question my own personal worth and it still plagues me even today.
So, when I see the children being separated from their families because of immigration laws, I cringe with fear and my mind becomes flooded with own memories of loss and abandonment. My heart goes out to those children with a deep sense of knowing. I would hope these children will not be traumatized for life. My own life has been a journey of healing, attempting to override the fear and the loss of trust I carried for too many years.
I have learned so much about the use and misuse of power within our society, I have witnessed the acts of inhumanity when dealing with a family having to support a family member who is incarcerated and the family unit is split wide open. It is the beginning of the great divide.
We would always bring a picnic basket full of food, hopes, and kisses. We would be united together for a day. This was our sacred time as we watched motorcycle races and enjoyed the picnic lunch. We eat each word of our conversation like a good chef had prepared the meal for us to dine. There was no separation, no missing members. Everyone was accounted for. As a child, that moment made me feel whole, even though it was only a day. I still lived in silence anger unspoken.
Sunday afternoon and no separation from my father.
My father never intended to be imprisoned or break the law while trying to feed a habit. He was fighting his fears of not being able to live in his second class sense of being a citizen of a society that did not respect him. The lack of power he felt as a black man trapped in a limiting box made him angry, a person looking for a solution. The anger called for a personal relief, a new freedom of movement of mind, body, and spirit. Crimes committed against his person boomeranged to create a hungry that caused him to commit against himself and crimes against the society. He was only looking for freedom, not separation from himself and his history and culture. He began to fall out of his circle of loving.
When I sat with my father on those Sundays, I forgot about our brokenness, the pain of our fractured family. I had hope I was truly loved.
Your family represents your first sense of self, your place of belonging. If that image or memory is one of not being wanted in the world, you lose your sacred beginnings of life. It is a loss that is hard to erase from the memories of the mind and heart. Your sense of personal value, from that point on, is one of questioning why you are not good enough to be wanted.
I am afraid of the fact that the children of these families will be traumatized and create future generations of silently angered children into our modern world. The legacy of silent anger has corrupted our society as we see in the rising of gun violence, spousal abuse, child abuse, suicide, sexual abuse, racism, the hatred that become crimes committed against our mutual cultures.
I, personally, would hope we would be more united, be centered in being advocates of maintaining the family structure in order to maintain a more sound foundation of growth for our children of all cultures.
Even though I believe the history of racism in this country was the obvious base issue of my family’s state of being fractured, but I feel it is even more complex. The base cause is rooted in the fear and greed of our human politics. When we disregard the value of another human being, we commit crimes of the spirit and soul. The sins of racism have lasted one individual lifetime and beyond, into many generations beyond. The manifestations create ghettos of the mind and spirit, ghettos cemented in our major and minor cities. I feel it is time to stop the cycle, of possible human slavery of the mind and body. It is time to create a more healed, healthy and a more peaceful society for all citizens to live within.
The silent rage of rejection turns into a hate that could be avoided and we as a society have the opportunity to change the cycle by opening our hearts to the humanity of all people, no matter what culture or religion. The manifestations of love and support create strong healthy people. We as human beings breathe and thrive on the blood of love.
There are enough resources on our planet to support and nurture all of its citizens. It is up to us to make the appropriate decisions that would create an environment of all of its people having access to freedom, food, water, and respect.
It has taken me years to learn to respect myself because of my feelings of lack generated from my childhood. It was not my fault I was born into a world which created patterns of disrespect as a history. It has taken me years to learn how I could have an individual voice of contribution to aid in the process of turning around the social injustices which exist in our modern times.
I learned from my process of healing, I could make a change in the world by making a change in my thinking and actions. We all have that opportunity within us. I would hope we would step into the sanity of our minds and hearts to see the values of our individual selves and how they are connected to the health of the entire society. If every belly and heart is filled there would be no war or hate.
I wish for the healing of the children of the immigrants attempting to come into our country for freedom. I also pray for us who are born here and have yet to receive all of our individual freedoms. We should leave no one behind and we would have less reason to live in fear. I know because I know I am loved and needed, as I love myself and contribute to the loving and supporting of all others. There is no separation, no real borders. We are all one race, the human race.
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Photo by Nicholas Kwok on Unsplash