Ariel Chesler, son of a noted second-wave feminist, explores the role male allies should take in the feminist movement.
In the wake of the misogyny-inspired mass shooting in Isla Vista, California, last week, millions have turned to Twitter to share their experiences of harassment, violence and sexual assault under the hashtag #YesAllWomen. While the majority of these tweets have been from women, men – including feminist men – have also joined in the conversation. And some don’t like that at all.
Twitter sensation, activist, and frequent hashtag creator Suey Park claimed that the #YesAllWomen hashtag had been co-opted by white feminists and male feminists and instructed them to “fall back.” This led to debates about whether men can be feminist leaders or even feminists at all, with some preferring to call them allies or pro-feminist.
Of course, we should remember that many abolitionist leaders were White. Men have always been part of the women’s movement. And, our collective goal should be for our legislators, our judges, our police officers, and our teachers, among others, whether they are men or women, to be feminists. After all, not all women are feminists.
This debate has been further complicated by the fact that Charles Clymer, a contributor at Policy Mic, and loud feminist voice on Twitter, has been accused in recent days of being abusive to women, using feminism for personal gain and using his feminist Facebook page to meet women. This has spawned another hashtag – #StopClymer.
This leaves us with three queries: Who owns a hashtag? Who owns a movement? And, how can men who identify as feminists or who support feminists best navigate the waters of Twitter and the feminist movement?
In the case of #YesAllWomen, the idea was to give a platform to women to discuss their common experiences with misogyny, sexism and violence. But, since this was taking place on Twitter, it was inevitable that supportive men would chime in, such as Neil Gaiman who tweeted: “The #yesallwomen hashtag is filled with hard, true, sad and angry things. I can empathise & try to understand & know I never entirely will.”
While I believe that men, including myself, are and can be feminists, we must also walk a careful line. On Twitter, as with any public space, male voices are often heard the loudest. And, sadly, for some to hear important messages, the messenger must be a man. It is crucial to remember that sometimes the best way for men to support women and feminism is by listening or amplifying women’s voices.
However, it is not realistic to expect silence from any large population on social media, as social media by its nature encourages wide participation. Twitter is also simultaneously about community dialogue and individual self-promotion. This presents a problem because while it equalizes voices (a good thing) it encourages each voice to view itself as equally important. This makes it hard for men who are dedicated to being feminist activists and writers to know when to “fall back.”
One thing is clear, however. Male feminists should never attempt to silence women’s voices. They should also be aware of their status and privilege as they engage with others, and know that they will never face the level of threats and harassment faced by women online. But, why should we care if it is not our voice delivering the message if it moves us all forward?
Unfortunately, the motives of male feminists, like men in general, are often suspect, and even more unfortunate, individuals in the past have proven that power can be abused. Of course, men can abuse power whether or not they are feminists. Women too.
At the same time, men, especially those with a wide audience, should be talking to other men about feminism, toxic masculinity, and male violence. As many have been discussing this past week, and as is evident from the men killed in Isla Vista, misogyny kills men too.
Some, like Bonnie Erbe of PBS’s To the Contrary, believe that men are the final phase of feminism and I tend to agree. In the end, it is on men to change themselves and other men to understand the matrix of oppression and the ways in which it harms them too.
As with all movements, the only way to effect change is for everyone to be moving it forward. If we are ever to defeat the systems of oppression we are all subject to, men must be involved and men and women must work on these issues together. This is because, as the recently departed Maya Angelou taught us, “no one of us can be free until everybody is free.”
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This story was previously published on The Good Men Project.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto
I don’t understand how it’s a misogyny-inspired mass shooting when he murdered more men than women. “THAT GUY MURDERED TWICE AS MANY MEN THAN HE DID WOMEN…MISOGYNY!!!!”
I see exactly zero misogyny in the mass shooting. Quite on the contrary, I see rather the problem that to criticise women is the modern day equivalent of blasphemy. He very obviously hated women because he had suffered neglect and emotional abuse by both his mother and his step mother who, when he was at a young age, all of a sudden moved into his dad’s house, without any further ado. Yes, his dad was also a neglectful parent but we all know that the parent of the opposite sex has the most impact on any child. Hence, why I… Read more »
“What is a Man’s Role in the Feminist Movement?”
Punching bag.
Gender equality is for everyone. You cannot have a hierarchy within an equality movement. I’m a male who is feminist, and my feminism is not subordinate to any given female’s feminism, and not for anyone to define or delimit for me. My feminism is inextricably linked to the idea of achieving my own personal empowerment through liberation from gender constraints, so to walk on eggshells about feminism cos I’m a bloke acts directly against everything feminism means to me. Female feminists can have dark ulterior motivations just like male ones do, that doen’t excuse treating the remaining majority of good… Read more »
Feminists who endorse such a position merely engender more suspicion and emnity from the non-feminist world, because they reason that if to act that way within the fem movement is ok to them, it’s reasosnable to assume that they’ll probably extend that attitude to the world at large.
Got it in one. There is absolutely no reason to believe that an activist that supposedly wants equality for all people will switch from a “women are the top priority” mindset at any given point.
Im sorry for Patrick steward, but he is quite ignorant on these matters. While hes performance as captain J.L.Picard in Star Trek next generation has been legendary his reputation as actor is irrilevant on these matters. Sincerely I know now how NOT to be a feminist, and people who is interested, know how not to be THAT feminist. Beside why is this on the GMP? I mean there is a desperate need for taking mens issues seriously and we are going to read how to shut up and be quite when women are talking etc all the usual standart obsolete… Read more »
There is a Libertarian principle called Zero Aggression Principle, or ZAP. Simply put, it means you do not initiate force against anyone for any reason. Period. The only exception is defending yourself or someone else from attack. This should be taught is schools as a matter of course. As far as being an ally, I think the MGTOW path is best since you are not getting caught up in someone else’s agenda.
Why do feminists paint DV as a Male inflicted problem, rather that a Human problem?
Women as a group are not better kinder or gentler than men as a group are…….Saying anything else is sexist……yet the feminist portrayal of DV is overwhelmingly male oppressor / female victim.
Amen to that! Just ask Erin Pizzey!
Simply None…null….void.
Men as a group need to start to tend their own garden….no longer share-crop for feminists and be left with only what the owners of the field neither want or need.
“And, our collective goal should be for our legislators, our judges, our police officers, and our teachers, among others, whether they are men or women, to be feminists” What – so you’d FORCE people to become feminists whether they want to or not eh? You cannot force people to accept a set of political beliefs that they may not believe in or at the very least, are unsure of their relevence. Freedom of speech should also include freedom of thought! And if I was a teacher for example, I would not take too kindly for anyone – however well-meaning their… Read more »
I knew your mother at Bard where she met and married Faiz (is he your father) before moving to Kabul in the early 1960s; at the time the bravest thing I had ever known a woman to do. She was brilliant and beautiful, as she is today. But, I wonder at her unflinching support of Israel in view of their oppression of Palestinians, and whether she was equally concerned about the oppression of women by Jewish fundamentalists (like the Hasidim). My question to Phyllis on her Facebook page went unanswered.
My overall impression is “Sit down, shutup, women can say whatever they want about men, women are more correct about men than men are. We’ll get to your issues after women are safe, but you can’t make your own movement, and don’t even try criticize any part of feminism”. A bit defeatist sure but that is the impression I get by some vocal feminists, other feminists….the nafalts, seem to be far more quiet. I regularly see men open up to the idea of feminism just to get shut down hard and have negative experiences in feminist spaces. It really does… Read more »
Archy wrote: “It really does feel like a lot of feminists simply expect men to help women, but no expectation of women to help men in return” ===== If I can play devil’s advocate for a moment and take the feminist position (what they would likely represent), their response would be along the lines that because we live in a male dominant society, (I loathe buzzwords, so I don’t use the ‘p’-word) and because there are a greater number of women’s inequalities, men aren’t entitled to seek equality on their issues until women achieve full equality. (Although I say ‘greater… Read more »
In principle it’s a valid point. I’d say that its invalide even in principle. Supposedly feminism is about helping all people so how can it possibly be valid to think there must be a heirarchy of who gets help first or “who has it worse”? In fact feminists regularly pat themselves on the back for saying that there is no point in arguing, “who has it worse?”. Yet time and time again men are expected to work on the problems that women face first and foremost. For example, one big issue for women is violence against women. It’s a very… Read more »
you raise good points Archy.
The mens movement is here for you brother. <3
I have been thinking about something I call “Male Feminism” The feminist movement is very into other genders and lifestyle choices: GLBT, minorities, oppressed. Why not a male version of feminism? Male feminism is different than men who are feminists. Is not the men’s rights movement (yuck). Is not really about woman’s rights at all. We support equality for women of course. Male feminism while embracing the ideas of feminism is focused on helping us men deal with understanding how our social programming works. What messages it has in it. Whether or not we men agree or even like it.… Read more »
Working through the ways in which men are or feel suppressed will help future men stop cycles of suppression against women and other men. — But that is exactly what is NOT happening. If you want to hear about “the ways in which men are or feel suppressed”, you have to listen to – and ultimately honor – the voices emerging from the Men’s Human Rights Movement – voices like Warren Farrell, Paul Elam, Karen Straughan and a host of others. But feminists so far refuse to listen to those voices – and that includes the feminists running this web… Read more »
Have you read Men On Strike by Helen Smith? If not, give it a look.
A few thoughts from one feminist: I think arguing over whether men can call themselves ‘feminists’ is a waste of effort. Let people label themselves, and judge them by their actions instead. I can accept an essay on why men should or shouldn’t call themselves feminists as long as the message is on point: respect and collaboration to create equality for women and men. Feminism should be about elevating women, not pulling men down. Anybody who helps this cause is helping to create a better world. Listening and amplifying is preferred, but the message needs to get out to many… Read more »
But where do men go for the 2 way street version of equality? So many men want an egalitarian movement but so often the focus remains solely on the harm women face. How do we address both sides?