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Sexual assault is a highly traumatizing experience. Overcoming the abuse can be very challenging, and on top of the daily struggle to maintain health and safety, survivors also have to deal with triggers that are likely to make the problem worse and force them to experience intrusive thoughts and memories connected with the assault. It is a painful reality to acknowledge that sexual assault is unfortunately still prevalent in society. According to statistics, an American is sexually assaulted every 68 seconds.
One in five women and nearly a quarter of men will experience sexual assault during their lifetime. Black, Hispanic, Latino and Native American women are at greater risk for victimization than white women. The effects of the assault are generally long-lasting and include post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, an increased incidence of substance abuse, as well as difficulty carrying out daily activities. Some victims notice that their personal relationships suffer and feel like they’re not as close to their family or friends as before the crime. In some cases, suicidal ideation intervenes, with figures estimating that around 13% of victims attempt suicide.
You may not be a survivor yourself, but you can find yourself in the position of offering all your support to a friend or family member who has been victimized. You might be confused about the best way to show them that you’re by their side and support them unconditionally. It’s normal to wonder if you’re being overbearing or if your concern can make them feel embarrassed and make the situation more difficult instead of helping.
Here are some ways in which you can be supportive without coming across the wrong way.
Listen to them
You’ve probably encountered this scenario before. You want to talk about a problem or an issue you’ve experienced, and instead of listening to you, the other person begins talking about a completely unrelated experience they’ve had. You must avoid doing this at all cost. If your loved one is struggling and wants to talk to you, make sure they know you’re available. However, make sure that you don’t pressure or rush them into telling you anything. They must be safe in the knowledge that they can express their anger, frustration, and sadness only when they want to and under the circumstances they choose.
Victims of sexual assault often feel helpless and like they’ve been denied personal choice and agency. Forcing them to open up will only deepen their trauma, so while you may think that talking about it will improve the situation, that is for the victim to decide. While you listen to their story, don’t interrupt them, and don’t press them to divulge more. Telling the story is emotionally draining, and it is generally advisable to maintain your physical distance through it all. You can ask the person if they are alright with any kind of physical contact, such as holding hands or a hug, as it can be comforting for some individuals.
Let them know that, above anything else, you believe them entirely. It’s unfortunate that this has to be included, but it’s essential to be mentioned, especially given the fact that the credibility of survivors is often questioned. It’s normal that you’ll experience feelings of sadness or anger throughout, but it’s critical to maintain your composure. Emotional outbursts might scare your friend into closing off, which is counterproductive.
Do your research
While every story is unique, it’s essential to educate yourself on the impacts of sexual assault. Your friend, partner or relative isn’t responsible for you learning more on the subject. Moreover, it is a much more comfortable experience for both of you if you read on your own. There are several resources you can access, both online and in books. Anti-sexual violence organizations are an excellent place to start when you’re looking to gain insight into how you can help. Learning more about the situation will help you be overall better equipped mentally and emotionally to be of genuine support for your friend or partner. You’ll be able to be by their side as they navigate therapy or get legal help from a Fort Worth Sexual Assault Attorney.
Although there’s no definitive list of ways in which a person will respond to abuse, some behaviors are typical in survivors, including dissociation, shame, and hypervigilance. In the case of the latter, some words, actions, smells or gestures can trigger unwanted memories to resurface. Even if it’s someone they love and trust, survivors will still have a difficult time and may jump or tense in response to a trigger. Making healthy decisions might also become more complicated, as victims can struggle with low self-esteem and poor body image after the abuse. This can cause them to put themselves into unsafe situations or form relationships with people who don’t respect them or have their best interest in mind.
Encourage self-care
While you should be a constant support in your loved one’s life, it is ultimately up to them to make their own decisions and start the healing process in accordance with their wishes. Don’t try to control this process; allow your partner or friend to navigate the situation based on their own timeline, motivation or readiness. Gently encourage them to get all the help they need. Sometimes victims might experience self-loathing and feel like they’re unworthy of support.
It’s also vital that you get support as well if you need it. People who love survivors of abuse often feel like they don’t deserve assistance or resources because the crime wasn’t committed against them. However, you shouldn’t hesitate to ask for professional help if you feel overwhelmed. You cannot help anyone if you don’t look after yourself first.
Lastly, it’s essential to recognize that the healing process takes a long while. In some cases, it is never truly over, and ongoing efforts are necessary. Resolving feelings associated with the perpetrator, identifying the consequences, stopping negative behaviors and reclaiming power and agency are the most critical steps that’ll help open the path to recovery. Remember to remain patient. There will be setbacks and regression along the way, but that, too, is part of the overall progress and deserves recognition.
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This content is brought to you by Stephen Marshal
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