I remember when I was a child. Like so many others of that age, my friends and I had a “clubhouse”. Really, it was an old shed half filled with lawn equipment where we had squeezed an old TV on an extension cord and a couple of fold out chairs.
There were only two rules in the clubhouse: you share any snacks you bring, and no girls allowed.
The Cootie Cult
We didn’t want cooties and a similar mentality prevails now with boys who have not yet broken through puberty. The problem is that such a mentality is the start of a much more offensive one, where boys don’t respect girls and so men don’t respect women. This can lead to boys growing up with the idea that girls are not equal to men. This can later lead to the idea that sexualizing and objectifying women is an appropriate reaction to their differences.
As we learn more about how pornography impacts the brain and emotional development of teenagers, we can see that the gender divide becomes more prevalent and young men have a harder time accepting women as equals. This is why it is so important that we as parents teach our boys to see girls as equals – human being deserving of the same respects and considerations as men – not a cootie cult.
Boys Won’t Be Boys
One of the most toxic phrases that reinforce negative gender based behaviors is “Boys will be boys.” It is demeaning, often used to explain away unacceptable actions on the part of those boys and it minimizes the experience of girls and women everywhere.
It is time that we eradicated this mentality once and for all. Boys will be who they are raised to be. They will be a product of the culture where they are raised, the values of society and the respect that is instilled in them by their family unit.
Point out misogyny around that comes out in music, movies or video games. Teach equality and the value of others outside of gender roles. Expose them to as much history and information about women as there are about their male counterparts.
If they do something that is out of line, don’t use the cop out about them just “being boys”. What they are being is wrong and their gender has no impact on that.
Empathy as a Value
Most of all, teach empathy. So much of respect is formed when we come to understand the feelings, struggles and motivations of another person. If you want your son to respect women as he grows, all you have to do is point out that girls are people and have the same desires, feelings and needs as anyone else.
They might feel like girls have “cooties”. But if they do, the boys do, too.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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