A newly-divorced dad of four reinvents himself and quickly learns what matters most.
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My first toilet paper purchase was at age 37, I kid you not.
I never had to worry about basic essentials as they were always provided by my spouse. My job was to handle other things in the relationship but when relationships start to fade, the mundane and barely-noticeable things start to appear front and center. There were a lot of firsts at age 37, it seemed, as that was my age when the marriage to my high school sweetheart started to seriously unravel.
I was a dad of four, on my own for the first time, and learning how to find myself all in the process.
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That dismantling happened fast but the events leading up to it were years in the making. I suddenly found myself in a situation I had never experienced before until that point. I was a dad of four, on my own for the first time, and learning how to find myself all in the process.
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Fast forward a few years to my impending 40th birthday. I made it through some tough times during this transition and I owe much of who I have become today and the process I used to get here to a handful of effective strategies. For starters, I seriously increased my level of physical activity the moment it became clear my marriage wasn’t going to survive. If I was going to be back on the market, I had to work on a revitalizing, dadbod-eliminating plan for wellness.
Seeing the stress leave me in the form of sweat was very therapeutic. I desperately needed an outlet to funnel my emotions, confusion, anger . . .
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Single parenting requires a truckload of energy. The last thing I needed was four kids overpowering their hogtied dad. I started CrossFit, joined a gym and started walking, which later turned into running. I remained active seven days a week and sometimes twice a day. Seeing the stress leave me in the form of sweat was very therapeutic. I desperately needed an outlet to funnel my emotions, confusion, anger and the gym was my savior. As a result, I lost weight, became stronger physically and mentally and made fitness a lasting habit. I now rope my kids into my activity by running 5Ks with them and making activity an important part of our time together.
Friends welcomed me back and now I make a deliberate effort to stay connected to the people who stood by me from afar.
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I also worked on rebuilding my relationships. During the latter years of my failing marriage, the last thing I wanted to do was be around married friends who seemingly enjoyed each other’s company. As a result, I remained distant choosing to live in my own world of self-pity. It was a dark place. My new freedom opened the doors to reconnect with the same people I had pushed away for so long. Friends welcomed me back and now I make a deliberate effort to stay connected to the people who stood by me from afar.
As for my own children, I have made great strides in connecting with them on a level much deeper than ever before. We talk. We engage. We have something money truly can’t buy. It’s so important to cultivate and value the relationships we build.
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I never imagined I would be reinventing myself at midlife but I am well positioned to know exactly what I want my next life chapters to look like.
My road to happiness began with a strong focus on self-care and authentic relationships.
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So maybe this business of restarting life at 40 isn’t so bad after all. The bit of pain on the front end resulted in some truly great gains. My road to happiness began with a strong focus on self-care and authentic relationships. Maybe someday someone will buy my toilet paper again. But for now, I am okay with adding this purchase to my expanded adult responsibilities.
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I loved reading this!