The child is the father of the man
-William Wordsworth
We are born with these innate skills — hardwired wisdom, but we often forget about them as we age. Let’s look to my 7 month-old son Bram for some reminders.
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1. Practice Swift Forgiveness
Bram can be sad and angry with me one moment, but then quickly reconcile his hurt feelings, and move back into a state of contentment. He will be laughing and smiling again soon after.
It’s easy for us to lose track of what really matters to us when hurt, but we can get right back on track quickly. Forgiveness is an instinct. It is natural for humans to make amends with one another, especially those closest to them. Let’s not forget that.
The faster we can forgive, the easier it will be to move on with our lives. Younger people are loyal in their love, even to a fault. So we also need to hold ourselves to higher standards with our children, to not take advantage of their often unconditional propensities of forgiveness.
“Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.” -Indira Gandhi
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2. Eat Only When You’re Hungry
My baby also has healthy eating habits. He waits for himself to feel hungry, then drinks his milk, or eats his apple sauce or mashed bananas, until he has had enough. Then he stops.
He doesn’t eat more than he needs, or obsess over food because it tastes good, or starve himself because he’s worried about looking good.
So many problems in our culture result from distortion of the basic survival instinct. Babies have it right from early on — any dietary problems are later incurred in childhood and adulthood.
I’ve had a variety of dietary-related problems in my life: including obesity, alcoholism, and anorexia. An instinctive ability to reduce our eating habits to what we need and nothing more and nothing less, can be lost in adulthood.
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3. Don’t be Afraid to Fail
I have watched him persevere for 7 months, trying to learn something as simple as sitting upright. The smile on his face as he gazes at me across the room rewards that struggle.
Don’t give up when trying to learn something new, believe in yourself. It is normal to fail or come up short, repeatedly. It’s all part of the learning process.
Reaching goals requires single-mindedness and diligence. To remove the expectations of when and how something will happen allows us to focus and value any progress we’re making.
In their innocence, babies show stick-to-it-iveness about what matters to them. They develop at somewhat different speeds, but show fairly predictable paths to development in skill acquisition: such as crawling, walking, and talking.
As an adult, I’ve had problems with frustration. It’s easy to get discouraged when something doesn’t give you what you want immediately, or in short time. We can learn patience and perseverance from our children.
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4. Express Your Feelings in the Moment
When Bram is upset, he will cry, kick, and scream — to let me know right then how he is feeling. If he’s happy, he’ll laugh and smile, hug and kiss me.
There is no concealing or suppressing it, so that it will be neglected, or come out later on in more upsetting and damaging ways.
Emotional honesty and directness will pay us dividends, both in our communication with others, and in acknowledging our own needs. As we grow, our task is to maintain this candidness and expressivity we had as children, but adapt it to appropriate social settings.
Sometimes we lose touch with conveying our emotions, and there can be consequences in our lives. It’s always worth it to let someone know how you feel. You don’t have to sacrifice for that.
I’ve seen so many people bottle up their emotions over the years. My wife and I have an understanding that we always work things out as soon as possible. If something is bothering us, we talk it out.
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5. Enjoy the Soothing Power of Nature
When all else fails to calm him down, I can take Bram outside for comfort. He looks with wonder at the surrounding trees, flowers, and houses. He listens to the sound of passing walkers, bird songs, and airplanes, with nonjudgmental curiosity.
The world is a huge place. We are very small in comparison. Sometimes we need to get outside of ourselves and see the big picture. This gives us a sense of perspective and distracts us from our inner worries. There is always more to know and to reflect on.
Some of my happiest and most times have been spent outside, exploring our world, letting my thoughts and emotions run free, inspired by where I wander.
“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” -Albert Einstein
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6. Tomorrow is a new day
Every morning, he shows the same alertness and optimism. He intuitively knows that after a nightly rest, he is refreshed, and gets to start anew.
Yesterday doesn’t seem so important anymore. The present is what matters. Every day brings with it promising new possibilities.
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7. The Objective World is Fascinating
Babies seem to just know, that from the simple to the complex, our surroundings are a source of entertainment and constant stimulation.
I’m always surprised by how Bram can focus his attention and find pleasure where I may not see anything deeper. Yet upon closer inspection, I can start to see all the details — the unexplored raw material that he is processing and enjoying.
Infants see the world with a truly naked, unbiased eye. It is this unadulterated objectivity that we as grown-ups have trouble maintaining. Many of our biases are implicit, and babies can help remind us of how to be more objective.
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Final Thoughts
This list could have been much longer. Becoming a parent has really opened my eyes to human nature, by observing its development in my own child.
I invite readers to reflect on this in their lives. What other lessons can you learn from babies and young children, that you have sometimes forgotten with age? The simple truth may be, that we have just as much to learn from them as they do from us.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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