When a stranger calls his daughter a “diva” this dad started to fume. He decided to speak out. Here is why he wants us to get rid of the term for good.
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We stood in line at the toy store, as my daughter jumped and bent over in frustration because I was not going to buy the expensive doll that sat within eyeshot of where we stood. Although she knew I wouldn’t budge, she batted her long eyelashes and attempted to persuade me in a sweet voice to buy the doll. All of her efforts were in vain and I calmly pointed out to her why the desired purchase was not a smart buy. As the conversation rolled on, a young woman jokingly said to me, “You’re raising a little diva there.”
A chill went up my spine.
I smiled and shook off the comment, but I so badly wanted to share with the woman my thoughts on that word — “Diva.” Because I hate it. To me, the word is right up there with Bitch, the C word, and other derogatory words that we use to describe a woman that doesn’t play nice. Even though we don’t look at the title “Diva” as a swear word, it kind of means the same thing. And while society is straining to enter a new age of equality, using words like Diva, or engaging in “diva” behavior, is not doing anything to push equality along. If anything, it does more harm than good to the equality cause.
When you think of the word “Diva,” what comes to your mind? Here’s what comes to my mind. A spoiled starlet that cares very little for other’s needs. A person that is more concerned with what she wears than what is happening around her. If a star is late or gives a degrading answer, we say, “Oh, she’s such a diva.” We give the title to stars such as J-Lo, Beyonce, Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift, and Mariah Carey. I do not know any of these women and I am sure that many of these so called “Divas” give their time, money, and fame to causes around the world.
But I do not want my daughter to be a diva.
In fact, if my daughter grows up and becomes a self-proclaimed “Diva” or is proclaimed so by others, then I will be disappointed in my efforts as a father. My desire for my daughter is that she cares little about her wardrobe and looks, and cares more about others; especially those in need.
Sometimes I feel that I am losing this war. From an early age, toys and media have shoved their idea of the ideal woman in front of my daughter, trying to convince her that all things pink are for girls and that her world should revolve around fashion, puppies, ice cream, and going to the mall. Before I get too carried away and have everyone rolling their eyes, I will say that these things are not totally wrong. There’s nothing wrong with wanting dolls that take puppies for walks and there isn’t anything wrong about wanting to look your best. I love taking my daughter out to get her nails done. But there has to be more to her than that. I don’t want her to be so wrapped up in herself that she believes the world is here to serve her.
There’s another problem, though. Words have power, and historically words have been used as a way to deny women equality. We perpetuate that problem when we use words like “diva” to delegitimize women and degrade them. It’s easy to discount and devalue women if you think of them in terms that suggest they are something other than equal persons. (Isn’t that what the term “Diva” is — a title we bestow on women when we don’t want to remember that they are people?)
We live in a selfish society. The desire to be a “diva” only perpetuates this downward slope towards a “it is all about me” mentality. Let’s ditch the term. Let’s stop labeling women as such and let’s stop pushing our daughters to be “divas.”
There are amazing women out there for our daughters (and sons) to look up to. My daughter can sing Taylor Swift’s songs, but I would much rather have her be like her mother, Melinda Gates, Sunitha Krishnan, Arundhati Roy, and Malala Yousafazi.
Better yet, herself.
Originally appeared on OneGoodDad
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Photo: Flickr/Emma
The word “diva” in this context is third or fourth generation anyway. Outside of opera, it’s mostly in use within the LGBT community by, and about, drag queens.
I disagree with this article, probably to the surprise of no one, it does however, raise a good point about the perversion of the word “diva” which if you check dictionary.reference.com the term diva is defined as: “a distinguished female singer: a prima donna,” it is derived from the Latin term diva which means goddess (masculine form divus). By and large that is what it means usually. It is in fact a compliment. That being said, this is where the perversion of the word “diva” takes over. Urbandictionary.com has many, many, many definitions for the term “diva” most mirroring the… Read more »
Dictionary definitions unfortunately help little at times. The crucial thing is not what a word, unbeknownst to people, really means, the crucial thing is what emotions the average person feels when they hear it, what they associate with it. And that changes over time, and dictionaries can”t keep up with it. In my country certain conservatives are trying the same dictionary approach to prove that “negro” can never be an offensive word, and to fight against gender-inclusive language. On the other side of the aisle progressives try to prove that Arabs can never be called antisemites (because they technically count… Read more »
Brandon, clearly in this situation, the woman did not call his daughter a “diva” because she believed that his daughter was a “distinguished female singer”. And since we know that she was not called “diva” because the woman was trying to comment on her status as a singer, and it was response into a behavior the young girl was engaging in, we know the exact reason she used the world. Urban Dictionary definitions give us the hard cold facts around the more negative definitions of words and how people see them in real life applications. It does not “hold less… Read more »
Erin, yeah, okay I’m genuinely not surprised you rearranged (?) I guess that would be the best way to put it (which is putting it lightly, putting it heavily you perverted my statement), I guess I should have been more blunt than saying we should “educate people”. My bad, sometimes I sugarcoat my word, our PC nation sometimes grabs hold of me. When I say “educate people” I’m not saying sit them in a cozy classroom and use a ruler to point to the marker-board; I’m saying call them out on their BS, you’re forgetting –conveniently—that sometimes that is what… Read more »
My punctuation game was off for some reason, but I think I made my point.
Brandon, lets get real clear about something off the bat. How you have chosen to talk to me is a bigger reflection of you, then it is a representation of me. The put downs, the pot-shots, the condescension…these are all representations of you, not of me. When *you* say things to another person being within a debate or discussion such as, “It’s because you’re too close minded..”. “…your narrow minded, pretentious, and self righteous (critique)…”, “Lol that’s adorable, stupid and sardonic but adorable how you…” these things represent *you* poorly, not me. Now that I cleared that up…. What exactly… Read more »
This is a really interesting article, AND take on the word “Diva”. My name is ADIBA, but people often mispronounce it and call me “ADIVA”…when my best friend types my name into her phone, it autocorrects it to “a diva”….I chuckle because people have been telling me that I’m a diva for as long as I can remember. But not because of my behavior. I’m far from spoiled, or rich, or any of those negative connotations that go along with that word. So, I finally asked someone WHY they thought I was a “diva”. They said it was because I’m… Read more »
Those things aren’t terribly good in men and they’re just as bad in women. Regardless of what term people use, the behavior is still obnoxious and disrespectful and people are right to call people out on it. The US tends to be rather supportive of diva behavior in women and we really shouldn’t be. It’s rather selfish, self-entitled and really only works because women have been allowed to bully men with the misdeeds that they attribute to men, without necessarily even having any evidence to back the assertions. The term needs to die, but not because it’s a bad word,… Read more »
Please explain how the US is supportive of “diva” behavior in women? And how women have been allowed to “bully” men?
Regardless of behaviors between men and women, labeling children with titles like “diva”, sends a very firm message to a child. Don’t call a little girl a “diva” just because she isn’t acting like a perfect stepford child every second of the day. Just as you wouldn’t call a little boy a “brat” just because he got upset that his Dad also wouldn’t buy him a toy.
“you wouldn’t call a little boy a “brat” just because he got upset that his Dad also wouldn’t buy him a toy.”
…yes… actually people do call boys brats for this very reason. I’m seriously starting to think you live in an alternate dimension from the one I live in, Erin.
8ball, your “alternate dimension” is simply a carefully crafted sentence to put me down. I’m fully aware of what you think of me. For a long time now I have known that the way you see the world, and the way I see it, are completely different. How about you save the snark for a change and talk to me like an equal instead of this condesending crap you like to pull. Just because we see things differently doesn’t mean we have to be enemies. As for what people call boys, I have seen people use the good old phrase,… Read more »
I didn’t take umbrage with the idea of not calling little girls Divas because I agree with it. I’m pointing out that you’re flat out WRONG when you said that boys don’t get similar treatment. Because you always say this and you are always always wrong about it. Every. Damn. Time. Save the snark? Why the hell should I? I’ve tried getting you to, for once, actually look at things from the point of view of men- this being a men’s site and all. And you absolutely refuse to. Every comment you make on this site is all about YOU.… Read more »
I never once said that I know men better then men themselves do. I’ve learned a lot by coming to this website. What website do you visit to better understand women 8Ball? But just because this is a website for men, that doesn’t mean I won’t offer my own perspective as a woman. All I know is who I am and my own experiences with men, the knowledge I’ve gained and that’s the place where I share from. No different that you actually. Your opinion isn’t more worthwhile just because your a man 8ball. We both add to the conversation.… Read more »
Are we seeing the article telling people not to call their sons brats, anywhere? I don’t think so. That’s the difference.
Come to think of it, “Sometimes you are such a boy” already is a gendered insult. Makes you think …