Matt Sweetwood has walked the decisions on college with five kids. He has insights for dads wondering if college is right for their kids.
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My five children are now all in their twenties. All five have gone through the anxiety of applying to colleges and the apprehension of waiting to receive an acceptance and financial award. All five went to one of the best public high schools in the country, which is known for its high rankings in national polls, high SAT scores, and placement of most of the students in top colleges. This fostered a highly competitive environment, in which students were shamed if they didn’t get admitted into a top college let alone choose not to go to college at all.
I have been through this process five times, so I have become particularly qualified at assessing the pros and cons of sending a child to college. Furthermore, my family’s large sample size and ability to get in to top colleges has created a sort of controlled experiment, in which all five children with the same upbringing and opportunities have had different experiences applying to and attending colleges.
Here is what each child has achieved to this date:
Daughter N – Current Age 28
N graduated high school at the top of her class and went on to a top college, where she graduated in 3.5 years. After graduating, N immediately found employment at a Fortune 20 company, where she still works.
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C graduated in the bottom third of his class and went on to college at a local university. Despite maintaining a 3.9 GPA, C dropped out of college to pursue an acting career. Two years ago, C decided to go back to college and will graduate this year from an Ivy League university.
Son Y – Current Age 24
Y graduated at the bottom of his high school class. He immediately went on to college at a local university, where he dropped out after one semester and went to work at a restaurant. Three years ago he started working at an electronics company where he is currently managing a large retail store and supervising 15 people.
Daughter S – Current Age 23
S finished at the top of her class in high school and went on to a top university. She graduated magna cum laude in 3.5 years. S immediately found work with the government, where she currently works.
Daughter T – Current Age 20
T finished in the middle of her high school class and went on to a college in NYC. She is currently a junior and is maintaining an A average. She is projected to graduate in May of 2017.
Analysis
My two oldest daughters, N and S, were the best students as they were growing up, which continued throughout college. Not only did they want to go to college, but they also enjoyed the experience there and quickly leveraged their degrees to find jobs that pay fairly well, with relatively large projected earning potentials.
My oldest son C did not enjoy the college experience at 19 years old. In retrospect, it was probably not the right choice to immediately send him to college. He needed a chance to explore and experience life. When he was ready, he made the choice on his own and was able to get into a much better college than he did right out of high school. Now, at 26 he is enjoying the college experience and is getting more value from the experience. His ability to find work should be similar to his two sisters who graduated from top colleges.
Although my youngest daughter T wasn’t at the top of her class in high school, she is flourishing academically and socially in college, where she enjoys the city atmosphere and internship opportunities. My guess is that her ability to find work will be similar to her two sisters and brother.
My middle son Y hated the college experience. He was not ready but went because it not only was what all his siblings did, but also what everyone did from high school. Since dropping out, Y has been working steadily for five years and is earning a salary similar to his sisters. His earning potential is unclear but he has gained a lot of practical business and management experience. He still discusses the possibility of going to college but has currently has no plans to attend.
What I have learned from these five experiences is that there are many paths to success and happiness. If a child is academically gifted and emotionally ready, then sending him/her to the best college you can is a great choice. However, pressuring a child to go to college when he/she is not ready is a recipe for failure. If a child is somewhere in between, the smartest decision is to send him/her to a college that is the best value economically and where they will be happy socially. Finally, if your child chooses not to go to college, it doesn’t mean he/she won’t be successful – or even eventually decide to go in the future.
The pros and cons of going to college are not the same for everyone, but are unique to each child. You know your child best, so don’t let anyone or anything influence a decision you both don’t think is right. Ultimately there really is no wrong decision because your child will find happiness and success if he/she wants it badly enough; my kids proved that to me.
Finally, remember that the biggest contribution you can make to your children’s’ success and happiness as adults, is to show that you love them and are proud of them, no matter what they choose to do.