Patrick Roth is dad to a gay son, who is unaware how hard his dad had it in a homophobic world. Dad got his own dose of perspective when he saw a film about Alan Turing. Here are his thoughts on a world evolving.
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Recently, on a cold and rainy day in Austin, Texas, my husband and I went with a friend to see the movie The Imitation Game. The film is about Alan Turing, a brilliant mathematician who, among other things, helped crack the code created by the Nazi’s Enigma machine during World War II. It’s estimated that this great feat shortened the war by at least two years and saved millions of lives.
Most people outside the world of computing have never heard of Alan Turing. Not only was his work during the war classified for fifty years after, he died in 1953 at the age of 41 from cyanide poisoning, possibly suicide. He also died in disgrace. Alan was convicted of indecency in a time when sexual relations with another man were a criminal offense. He spent his life hiding his sexuality for fear of rejection and social derision. This brilliant war hero couldn’t talk about his role in breaking Enigma. Nor could he talk about himself, not his true self. He most certainly couldn’t have imagined living his life as a successful, and openly gay, man.
The three of us left the theater feeling very thankful to have been born in our time and not Turing’s. We are all also in our 40’s, yet we are successful, accepted members of our professions and communities. We are all openly gay and legally married. My husband and I have two children. Our friend and his husband have hosted and cared for several foreign exchange students. While marriage equality has yet to come to Texas, the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals could change that any day and the federal government already recognizes our marriages. It is all but inevitable that same sex couples will soon be able to legally marry nationwide. How very different our lives and possibilities are than Alan Turing’s.
Which brings me to my son. He came to live with us just before his 13th birthday. We knew from his case worker that he was gay before we even met him. At that point, he had only come out to her. Just before his 14th birthday, my son decided to come out to the rest of his world through social media. He especially wanted everyone in his bio family to know (and stop asking him about girlfriends!) Wade and I were very proud of him for the courage and strength he showed at such a young age to be honest and true to himself and let the chips fall where they may. It also made us wonder at how different his world is from the one in which we grew up.
While I came out early to my mother, I was not out to everyone in my life until much later. Wade wasn’t out to everyone until his mid-twenties. That’s still rather young compared to some of our friends. Being able to marry and have a family with another man wasn’t something I thought possible when I was young. Being openly gay in middle school would have seemed close to a death wish. For our son, it has been nearly a non-issue.
We wonder, with very full hearts, at the world in which our son is growing up. Of course there are still struggles, and there will always be those who have issues with the LGBT community. Sadly, not all LGBT youth have accepting realties. But we know that our son is growing up seeing same sex couples as successful, accepted members of their families and communities, raising their children in peace. He knows, without any question, that he can date whomever he chooses. He can bring them home to our family, and we will accept them completely (as we tease them mercilessly!) He will be able to marry anyone he pleases, if he so pleases, and his marriage will be just as legal and valid as his sister’s. The world is his to enjoy – without limitation.
Because we know that countless numbers of men and women have been, and still are, persecuted for being who they are, we understand how amazingly fortunate we are to be able to raise children and to glimpse the possibilities in store for them. We can only imagine how the world may be for their children. As for our son, we marvel at how different his opportunities are than ours were at his age – just as we marvel at how different our lives and opportunities are than Alan Turing’s were in his time.
Originally appeared on Handsome Father.
Photo: Flickr/Bernt Rostad