A dad who has successfully raised his three sons outlines the four criteria he feels are important for a young person to be successful in life. Here they are.
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In an article called Unceasing Pressure I remarked on a Navy Captain’s exhortations to the Class of 2018 at the U.S. Naval Academy. Adversity, he said, is the key to resilience – and success.
It’s a theme that works with 18-year-old Midshipmen; it works for a 9-year-old as well.
Now, Dads search for these themes, these elements that comprise a good kid.
But what exactly is a good kid? I’ve considered long and hard that phrase since becoming a Dad. It’s an all-encompassing, but an amorphous term, behind which is a catalogue of behaviors and attitudes: loyalty, thoughtfulness, dependability, discipline, determination, drive, enthusiasm, and toughness. Yeah, nice list – but Dads want precision, not a thesaurus.
I’m not a great intellect, nor as I noted, a child psychologist. But I’m an adult and I see what happens in the workaday world. I’m also a pretty simple guy. And my take on a good kid falls into four realms: his Personal Conduct; his Worldview; his Resilience and Adaptation; and, his Aspiration. Grounded in these four areas, the good kid is reflexive in making the correct decision in every situation he encounters at home and school, with his peer group and in his community. You may have other realms, but these comprise a good foundation.
What then, you ask, are simple and concise definitions of these areas? Here are some – see if they make sense to you.
Personal conduct: A kid responds with confidence and poise in every aspect of social interactions. He carries himself with ease because he has developed self-control and patience.
Worldview: A kid knows and grasps his environment. He appreciates the intrinsic good that everyday life offers and understands the bad. Equally important, he develops the maturity to limit the prevalence of electronic media – the narrow, glowing rectangle – in his daily life.
Resilience: A kid moves out with drive and clarity when circumstances large and small go south. He absorbs challenges and failures head on, handles pressure, adapts, and discovers a route to recovery.
Aspiration: A kid habitually sets goals and holds himself accountable. He is realistic in evaluating personal benchmarks and resists obstacles with determination and endurance.
Working from this baseline, I then contemplated how to inculcate these four elements of behavior in my three sons. And, recalling my simple nature, my reflections yielded this:
When I was with my boys, I would seize upon examples of sheer right and wrong found in everyday life, create a simple parable, and then identify each with an unforgettable exhortation.
These maxims – Dad’s “sayings” as my three sons labeled them – became a pounding soundtrack in the boys’ lives. Virtually every important aspect of their adolescence was viewed through the lens of one of my appeals. Over time, constant reprise and explanation of these adages helped develop instinctive, habitual responses to the situations in which my sons found themselves. Indeed, nearly a decade later, all four of us still repeat these aphorisms. Some are nutty and comical; others are harsh.
I found that given simple, constant, and memorable guidance on temperament and behavior, a young boy will thrive, becoming comfortable with himself and his surroundings; he settles into a pattern of conduct, which leads to a pattern of accomplishment. Repetition builds character.
Photo: Flickr/shadeshots