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Call it a Period of Possession; don’t call it Visitation. Although a noncustodial parent may just get to see the child of divorce on the first, third, and fifth weekend of each month, we should abhor the word, Visitation.
The Texas Family Code does not mention Visitation. It is called a Period of Possession – and the custodial parent will have hers and the noncustodial parent will have his. Some may think ‘possession’ refers to the child, but the term refers to the period of time.
The amount of time each parent may have may vary, but each only has a period of possession – short in the grand scheme of things – too short. And once it’s gone, it can never be regained.
Isolina Ricci Ph.D. in her book, Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child, lays out a healthy frame of mind to consider when co-parenting children of divorce. She covers the legal, financial and emotional realities of creating two happy and stable homes for kids in the difficult and confusing aftermath of a divorce.
Ricci believes it is essential that separated and divorced parents eliminate as much of the hassle and confusion as possible by setting up a working relationship with the ex-spouse. The goal is to make two loving homes for the kids.
The concept of Visitation is detrimental to such a goal. A dad can visit his son at school. Or a daughter may visit her mom at work. But a boy does not visit his own home. A girl will have her own bed at the noncustodial father’s house. She has her toothbrush by the lavatory and her artwork on the refrigerator. The child does not visit the noncustodial parent’s house.
One may visit their sick mother in the hospital. One may visit a brother in jail. And one may view the body of the deceased in a funeral home during a Visitation. But one does not visit their own home.
Parents of children of divorce should share time with their kids. Fathers should not speak badly of their child’s mother. Moms should avoid setting themselves up as ‘gate-keepers’ to their kids’ time with Dad. Such actions constitute Parental Alienation. You should not poison your child’s mind to hate the other parent. This is child abuse.
Enjoy the meager period you may possess with your children – then release them. The time parents may have with their children can be possessed in that moment only.
Time cannot be put in a chest. Only memories can go there.
Previously published on Texoma Enterprise
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Photo: Getty Images