Social psychologists all agree that comparison is innate. It is part of our lives and we make comparisons to determine our level of happiness. We do it all the time when trying to make sense of the world. For instance, if you want to determine whether you make enough money, you compare what you earn with what your peers take home. Same thing when deciding what car to buy, clothes to wear and lots of other decisions we make on an almost daily basis.
Comparison in the era of social media
Then along came social media and the darker side of social comparison manifested itself.
Suddenly, we were inundated with photos, videos, and stories of people living exemplary lives. We couldn’t help comparing ourselves to them and falling short.
You probably think that teens suffer most from the negative effects of comparison. After all, they’re the demographic that spends the most time on social media and they’re the most vulnerable to negative comparisons to the different influences in their environment e.g. from their friends, school, the media, etc. Additionally, they’re also prone to depression, anxiety, and other health issues thanks to these comparisons.
Well, you’d be wrong. Although teens do feel the effects of unhealthy comparisons, parents haven’t been spared either. FOMO isn’t just a teen issue, it has spread and it’s ruining parenting for most of us.
If you spend any time on social media, you’ll definitely come across parents who seem to have it all together. They go on vacation, have disciplined kids, live in spotless homes and also somehow balance all that with successful careers.
At the back of your mind, you know that it’s all an illusion but instead of letting it go, you fall into the comparison trap. You find yourself posting a carefully edited, cropped and filtered version of your life designed to show how awesome you are at parenting. Alternatively, seeing people being “perfect” parents can make you start questioning your own parenting skills, wondering why you don’t seem to hack it as well as they do.
Handling social comparison
While making comparisons is innate and unavoidable at times, you can use it to your advantage. For instance, you can use healthy comparisons to motivate yourself. When comparing yourself to others, you bring up a kind of rivalry- which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Instead of letting what the other person has make you jealous or envious, focus on what you can do to achieve it. If they’re better cooks, how can you improve your cooking or if they’re fit and toned, maybe you can start working out.
Since making comparisons is part of life, we should teach our children how to better deal with it. Remember that your kids are always looking to you for cues on how to act so if they see you happy and content with your own life, instead of always making unhealthy comparisons, they’re likely to follow suit.
Additionally, it’s up to us parents to help our kids to understand and develop their own identities. They need to learn that their differences make them unique and they’re to be celebrated. Similarly, we need to impart the importance of finding their own happiness and not holding themselves to unrealistic standards being set online.
Finally, we would all benefit from living in gratitude. Sure, your life might not look cool to your online followers, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t special and perfect in its own way.
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We celebrate Gay Pride all year long. But this year, we’re doing some special programing for a large-scale campaign #LoveEqually. We’re looking for both sponsors and contributors. Check it out! https://t.co/tkraXFPxLL pic.twitter.com/X2FlBEZb8Y
— The Good Men Project (@GoodMenProject) March 11, 2019
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