In a world where controversial ‘Hot Topics’ are abuzz, Brian Gawlak finds the teachable lessons in trending issues.
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Angelina Jolie has been making headlines this month, and it has nothing to do with her erstwhile wild antics, her sensationalized marriage to Brad Pitt, or even for her work as one of Hollywood’s top actresses. I read an article earlier this week which credits Angelina Jolie with raising breast cancer awareness, leading to a 20% increase in genetic testing after she went public with her struggle and journey after testing positive for the BRCA gene (click here for reference). She made the brave and bold decision to undergo a double mastectomy and had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed and bravely shared her experience with the world (click here for reference).
My wife and I have seen every one of Angelina Jolie’s movies and we’re guilty of following the tabloid-accounting of her life (even if we don’t necessarily intend to). I don’t always believe everything I read, but I am entertained nonetheless – she is truly one of the most fascinating (and talented) actresses of her generation. I often roll my eyes at the headlines associated with her, but I am truly grateful for the headlines she is currently making.
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A week after my father passed away from brain/bladder cancer, my wife received a call from her mother. I will never forget the expression on my wife’s face as it went from her typical uplifted smile to complete blank stare. I watched as the color ran out of her face and my heart immediately began to pound against my chest. When you witness someone have the immediate reaction my wife had, you react immediately to the reaction. My mother-in-law discovered that she had breast cancer, which came as a shock to us as we did not know she went in for a mammogram or had any concern. My mother-in-law and I had a bit of a strained relationship at the time, and having just lost a parent, I panicked. I feared the worst case scenario and prayed my wife would be spared the pain of losing a parent.
The doctors advised that even a double mastectomy would not improve the chance of survival as the cancer could already be spread throughout her body. They were hesitant to give her a full body scan as the cancer could be in her brain, her bladder, her lungs and still not get picked up by a body scan. The situation seemed bleak.
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The phone rang a couple of weeks later, and it was once again my mother-in-law. It was a repeat of the experience of the first phone call. The pounding of my chest was muted by the racing thoughts in my mind when I saw my wife’s reaction to the latest phone call. Was my mother-in-law OK? Was this the end? I stared and squinted to figure out why my wife was reacting like this again.
My mother-in-law was advised she had triple negative breast cancer, an aggressive type of breast cancer with an unclear prognosis. The doctors advised that even a double mastectomy would not improve the chance of survival as the cancer could already be spread throughout her body. They were hesitant to give her a full body scan as the cancer could be in her brain, her bladder, her lungs and still not get picked up by a body scan. The situation seemed bleak.
One week later, my wife arrived home from work in the middle of the day with that look on her face for a third time. I immediately embraced her and hugged her waist and put my hand on the back of her head. I was clear I had to be the strong one in the moment and was prepared for anything.
“Is your mom OK?” I asked her, choking back tears.
“Mom’s fine. I went and had a mammogram and I have to have a biopsy,” she confessed.
I went numb and continued to hug her and reassured her everything would be fine. I was in complete shock that my wife withheld the fact she had a mammogram done, never mind the fact I wasn’t there with her when she had it. Later that night, I channeled my inner- 2007 Britney Spears and I shaved my head bald. Those who know me personally know I’m kind of a freak about my hair – to shave my head bald was a bold statement (or a sign that the scale had been tipped and I was officially at the “zoo”). I stared in the mirror ready to fight, and thinking, “If Cindy is going to have cancer, I am going to go through this with her and we are going to kick cancer’s ass!” I think it was really about me being in solidarity with every single person who ever had cancer or lost someone or loved someone with cancer. Shaving my insignificant hair off my head, making such a bold statement was my way of empowering myself to be strong enough to support my wife and my mother-in-law.
My wife’s abnormal cells were removed from the biopsy and were benign. No additional lumpectomy or treatment was required. A titanium marker was placed in her breast and she would have to undergo frequent mammograms and MRI’s for two years to make sure she was OK.
My mother-in-law, or “The Energizer Bunny” as I refer to her (she has had several health crises), kicked cancer’s – triple negative breast cancer’s – ass and is living the ideal-adventurous-traveling-retired life cancer threatened to take from her. Sometimes hope wins, and sometimes cancer loses, even if it sometimes feels like we are all on the brink.
My wife and my mother read every word I write. I am taking advantage of this column to very publicly ask them to consider Angelina Jolie’s bravery, breast cancer awareness month, and common sense: you need to both find an OB/GYN and make it a girl’s day out. Go get smushed, have lunch, and if you must get “smashed” afterward -call me and I’ll pick you up. I beg you to go get checked. Early detection is the key and you are not too old, or followed up enough to be exempt from having these life-saving tests done.
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I read the article about Angelina Jolie to my family and discussed my plan to write a ‘Dad’s Hot Topic’ about her and why she is currently “buzzing.” October is breast cancer awareness month and Angelina Jolie is such a formidable, beautiful human being who affects so much change, so I figured I would have my family’s full support. My mother, much to my total horror and surprise, advised me that at age 70, she has not gone to see her OB/GYN in years, and is grateful that she is old enough to never have to worry about having another mammogram as she is “too old.” What?
I then turned to my wife, who was given a clean bill of health on her breast exam follow ups for over two years after the scare, and reminded her she has not only not had a follow up, but does not even have an OB/GYN since we moved to Florida 15 months ago. She shrugged her shoulders and assured me she was fine. What?
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My wife and my mother read every word I write. I am taking advantage of this column to very publicly ask them to consider Angelina Jolie’s bravery, breast cancer awareness month, and common sense: you both need to find an OB/GYN now and make appointments for a girl’s day out. Go get ‘smushed’, have lunch, and if you must get “smashed” afterward – (call me and I’ll pick you up). I beg you to go get checked. If any of you reading this have similar thoughts to my mother and my wife and think dues have been paid – no one is immune (and men, we are not either, breast cancer is not gender specific). Please do self-exams every month. If you are due for a mammogram, get one. If your wife/partner is overdue for a mammogram and does not self-examine – examine for them (pretend you are doing something else). Early detection is the key! If you feel something, say something!
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Angelina Jolie, thank you for inspiring me to write this and for the amazing bravery and courage you have had in your plight and your difficult decisions and your ability and willingness to share it with the world. You are a pillar of hope and a beacon of light. Oh, and one more thing: cancer – f@#k you! #savethetatas
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*author’s note: my wife and my mother read this article prior to publication and both agreed it needed to be published, and they are making appointments tomorrow for mammograms.
Click here for information on breast self-examinations.
photo: flickr/jkuttarkabat
Originally appeared on Dad’s Daily Buzz. Reprinted with permission.
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Mammograms are so important…breast exams are not enough sometimes….mammograms can pick up subtle findings….
Angelina Jolie is helping to bring about awareness…breast cancer and testing are difficult topics to talk about….
Go see your doctor…get screened…early detection can make a huge difference….
Hmmmm…. When I was undergoing treatment for breast cancer, a scarf on my bald head, skin a woeful colour, tired, single mum, seventeen rounds of chemo and a month of radiotherapy, surgery…all of that, pluss managing my life, with little support….a girl at a checkout, started to tell me how ‘brave Angelina, ‘ is…I was like, ‘huh,??’ I’m still a bit WTF about these Angelina stories, I suppose you would only really understand why, if you had been through what I have been through…my cancer wasn’t genetic, nor was I unhealthy….I was a fit, healthy eating crosfitter… I think what… Read more »