Raising a child with special needs takes a special kind of man.
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What would you do if your kid was called a “sped” or even worse, the “R” word?
We had a family friend who adopted a boy with some special challenges. His classmates called him a lot of names. At first a lot of people thought he was just a trouble maker and he needed to be disciplined. He had quite a bit of energy and would have problems interacting with other kids. The school was increasingly a challenge for this little boy. He didn’t seem to fit well into a classroom setting with his energetic and inquisitive nature.
He viewed this girl as a gift with gratitude where some might see a burden.
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His parents took him to the doctor where they eventually heard their son had Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD. Now this was many years ago and many people had not heard of this disorder. He was put on a prescription to calm him down. His dad was a very involved parent and would spend time with him working on school and play with him. His mother had a hard time handling the fact that their child wasn’t perfect and noticeably spent her time with their other children.
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Patience
Fathers of special needs kids get very little credit in my book. I have witnessed dads who try to get their special needs children involved activities. I knew a dad who had a boy with Down’s syndrome and this boy wanted to play basketball really bad. The father worked with him over the course of the basketball season and he finally got his chance to score and that boy was excited and his dad was too. Not many of us have the patience to stick with something for a long time. This helped this father and son connect over basketball.
Gratitude
There was a family that wanted to have one more child. They had a daughter who was born with severe brain damage. She had to be cared for all day and fed through a tube. Her dad expressed to many people how they were happy to have her every day of her life. In a throwaway world, they cherished this girl each day. He viewed this girl as a gift with gratitude where some might see a burden.
Celebrate Small Wins
Stevie is a little autistic boy who is a lot of fun to be around. He has a smile that lightens your mood and a laugh that is infectious. He has been a handful for his parents, indeed. Stevie had trouble learning how to use the potty. His father tried a few things with no luck. Until someone suggested making it more of a game. Stevie loved to play games and each time he did things right they would celebrate. A little girl asked his daddy, “Why do you get so excited for Stevie?” He paused and looked at her then he said, “We need to celebrate those small wins everyday.”
Don’t compare
Alex is a father to two special needs children who are adorable. The oldest little girl is on the autism scale and to most people seems pretty normal. They also have a younger boy who has Down’s syndrome. Alex talks how many people see their son and know he has some challenges, on the other hand with their daughter she appears fine. He cringes when people try to compare the kids to someone else’s. Alex said, “Each special needs kid has their own challenges and needs lots of love and care.”
Connect on their terms
Joe is all grown up now, but many years ago when I first met him, I was amazed at his curiosity. He too had problems with school and groups of people. Joe was not very old when they diagnosed him with ADHD. His parents were troubled by his behavior and didn’t know what to do. One day he came home from school talking about Boy Scouts. Someone came to talk with their class about it.
Cherish your young people each day you have them they are a gift. |
They had to contain Joe’s excitement about Boy Scouts. His parent’s weren’t sure if he would work will in the outdoors with other kids. His dad took him to some activities and Joe seemed to do well. They let him continue with it. Eventually, a camping trip came up and Joe had his heart set on going. His father agreed to come along and help out. Joe was just in his element being outdoors. Joe’s dad was fascinated how well he did on many trips and outdoor activities. He credits Boy Scouts with helping him connect with his boy.
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I realize how many great fathers are out there working with their special needs children. They have taught me so much in my many encounters with them. We all need to practice patience with our kids as they grow and test us out. Each of them test us in their own special way. Cherish your young people each day you have them they are a gift. We can not take them for granted. Celebrate the small and large victories in their lives. Don’t ever compare kids and learn how to connect with them on their own terms.
What way can connect better with your kids?
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