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Death is an inevitable part of life; most of us first experience it with older relatives and grandparents, and as we grow older and start families of our own we face the loss of more intimate relationships as our loved ones pass on.
While we may think we are ready for the loss of a loved one through illness or aging, it is impossible to prepare for the anguish, or some of the things that we must deal with as we go through this experience. If you are faced with a recent or imminent death of a parent or other close loved one, read on for some simple strategies for coping and making life manageable as you move forward with your own family:
1. Make funeral arrangements
As a surviving child, you and your siblings will likely be called upon to make or finalize funeral arrangements. This involves first calls to a funeral home, the mortician, and a family lawyer to notify them of your loss. Make a checklist, take things slowly, and communicate with friends and family members who may have information about pre-existing arrangements or last wishes of your parents. Realize that this is a difficult time for all involved, and relying on help from others will make the process of planning a funeral and internment a bit easier.
2. Deal with the estate settlement
Many parents will have drafted a last will and testament for their children as a means of passing on financial assets, property, and other belongings to their children. This is usually administered to the family through a lawyer or executor, a person who has been appointed to take care of legal matters after death. A probate lawyer is someone who is specifically trained to handle affairs of state and will be able to help you through the distribution of assets efficiently and peacefully. If your parent or parents had property in other states, it might be advisable to procure the services of a lawyer in the area who is familiar with state law and estate practices. For example, you want a San Diego probate lawyer if the property is in San Diego. Knowing who to work with will be an essential piece in making estate settlement run smoothly.
3. Tell your own family
Kids are remarkably resilient, and they tend to process information more simply than we do. As you approach the task of breaking the news to your children, be simple and direct. Don’t sugarcoat the situation, and pause after telling to allow your children some time to react. Some kids may cry, others may ask questions, some seem to not react at all, at first. It will be important to tell them that you are here for them, and you will be available to support them through tough emotions and new experiences like funerals and burial as they come up. Tell them what to expect, and be physically and emotionally available to help them process their grief.
4. Grieve
Grief is a natural process of feeling emotion after a loved one dies. You’ll likely be feeling many different emotions right now—anger, sadness, loss, fear, uncertainty—and these emotions will come and go in waves. Feel your emotions, be present in them, remember the good times that you had with your family member, and let go gradually as you realize that life will again resume a sense of new normalcy. In time, you’ll realize that this experience made you a stronger and more compassionate person.
5. Ask for support
Even the strongest individual will need a little extra support from time to time after a death in the family. Learn to lean on and ask for support from family and friends to help get you through difficult times. If people are offering to organize meals and bring to you, allow this. If you need time away for a few hours to process emotion and practice self-care, ask a friend or family member to take care of the kids while you take care of yourself. As you move through your own feelings and emotions, you’ll be able to take on your obligations like you once did.
You’ll get through it
Dealing with a loss is one of the most difficult things you can do in this life, but with time, tools, and support, you’ll make it through. Finding hope and comfort in daily living and connecting with others around you will bring happiness back to you once more. You can get through it.
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This content is sponsored by Anne Davis.
Photo: Shutterstock