A frustrated reader turns to ‘Dear Dad’ for advice on a non giving boyfriend.
My boyfriend is a dork and knows nothing about coexisting with the opposite sex. Last year for my birthday he said “happy birthday” and that’s about it. I was heartbroken. This year he didn’t even say happy birthday. I make such a HUGE deal out of his birthdays! And to top it off this man refuses to cook.
I got out of the hospital Sunday after a three day stay, had to grocery shop, go home and clean my hot mess of a house then I had to cook. In fact I was woken up from a nap to make dinner! What? Please help before there’s a body in the ditch!
Dear ‘Change Every.Single.Thing.Now’,
It took some time to truly process your question. I am at a complete loss of words. I know you love him, and I’m sure he rocks, or what? If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck – yeah, he does not rock. I’m sorry. But I threw up in my mouth a bit when I read this.
Actions speak louder than words, and based on your question he is basically telling you he doesn’t really care that you were ever born, and yet you still declare the day this man graced our planet with his clearly empathetic kindness a holiday? You then get out of the hospital and are woken up to make him dinner?
Birthdays do not only matter, but I think they are an important day to show your partner/spouse how much you love and appreciate everything they do. I think your boyfriend is sending a message in what he is not doing. Are you hearing the message?
My advice is to truly ask yourself: what am I worth? Who am I? What do I want for myself? What do I deserve?
If you are truly honest with yourself, I can’t believe your answer will ever be the man you describe in your question. I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship, but based on what you presented, I would guess this is a symptom of bigger problems.
If he was simply having an off day or two, show him this column. Sir: you are mistreating your girlfriend and need to do better. She deserves to be celebrated and made to feel special. She indicates that you are her boyfriend (read: temporary and replaceable without even needing a divorce).
Ma’am, take a good look him. This is the youngest and cutest he is ever going to be. Do you want to grow old with him and do you see a future together? If so, you both need to talk and need to ask and demand more from/for yourselves. If not? There are plenty of fish in the sea who know the importance of treating their partner/spouse with respect – especially on their birthdays! Good luck to you both!
My wife and I celebrate each other with “birthday weeks” where we pamper each other and schedule tons of fun activities with the family, and special quiet time alone. What would you do if your spouse/partner blew off your birthday?
Photo: Flickr/CJ Sorg (adapted)
Originally appeared on Dear Dad. Reprinted with permission.