A concerned reader turns to ‘Dear Dad’ for advice on how to handle a bbq/shower in which she inadvertently became the host.
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I need your advice on something. My daughter is getting married next month, and she is on a tight budget. Her bridesmaids decided to host a Jack and Jill BBQ and asked if they could have it at my home. I agreed to allow them to have it here and am looking forward to it. Here is the problem – they sent out the invitations already and did not advise the guests that it is a b.y.o.b. event. They plan to provide lemonade, soda, and water to the guests, and have a cooler with alcohol in it for themselves. Call me old fashioned, but isn’t that just tacky? I am not sure what to do. I don’t want to end up sporting the ticket to make sure there is alcohol for everyone, but I think it is quite rude to do what they are doing. Do you have any advice?
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Dear ‘Old Fashioned’,
I actually do not believe you are being old fashioned about this. I agree with you that it is quite rude to not have advised that this is a b.y.o.b. event. It was kind of you to agree to host this event at your home, but by doing so – you are the host! I know that the maid or matron of honor is the one in charge of these types of issues, but if the party is at your house, they are putting you in charge. You have to follow your gut with what you deem appropriate because at the end of the day it falls on you.
I understand the invitations have gone out, but we live in a ‘checked in’ world where it would be very easy to convey something to prospective guests with a tweet, an update, a link. It would be no skin off anyone’s back to announce, even as an after-thought, that booze is not part of the deal.
My advice is to talk to the maid/matron-of-honor and advise her you are not comfortable with what she has planned. Make it clear you are not buying booze for an entire party, but want the guests to know to bring their own, or put the kibbosh on anyone having any booze. It is tacky and a bit of a faux pas on the part of the wedding party and does not bode well. I would not blatantly point this out to her, but try to steer her in the direction of what is appropriate and reasonable.
I encourage you to look up your local laws, as typically the homeowner (even in a b.y.o.b party) is responsible for the actions of each and every guest when they leave your property. If you are OK with being the designated driver for all the guests, then by all means, go for it! If you thought you were simply being nice by supplying the location and wish everyone well on their way home? Rethink it! You are legally on the hook for anyone who consumes alcohol during this party. Perhaps you can have a basket for car keys and collect them all before said b.y.o.b. drinking occurs?
I wish you all nothing but the best and hope it works out!
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Did you know that when you host a party – even with uninvited guests- you are legally on the hook if they drink and drive? Sound off in the comments if you have any horror stories about guests who put you in a precarious position!
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photo: flickr/Sarah Nichols
Originally appeared on Dear Dad. Reprinted with permission.
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