Aaron Brinker read to and talked to his son before birth, creating a bond that benefitted them both.
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Many men discover their partner is pregnant and work towards fatherhood in small increments — they keep their partner happy, help with the nursery and go to a class on parenting. But they believe fatherhood does not actually begin until they physically see a child.
The moment I discovered my wife was pregnant my life changed. We had wanted to have a child for years, and this was exceptionally good news. I knew that I did not want to feel useless for 9 months. I wanted my future son to at least know who I was and know my voice, even if he could not see me.
I believe that when we conceive a child, fatherhood begins. Fatherhood does not have to wait until a child is born. An unborn child is in the womb for nine months, listening and learning the familiarity of their mother’s voice. I remembered reading that a newborn could identify their mother’s voice over other women in a delivery room. It made sense to me that a baby could/would know a dad’s voice just as easily.
It sounds silly to a lot of parents, but I had “tummy time” every night. I determined I would bond with my son before his birth. I explained to my wife in detail that I could talk to him, read to him and sing to him. I was lucky I did not have to convince her because she thought it was a good idea.
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“You’ll enjoy it. There is much you can learn from books and scrolls,” said Jeod. He gestured at the walls. “These books are my friends, my companions. They make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life.”
– Jeod from the book Eragon by Christopher Paolini
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Eragon was the first story I ever read to my son. Every night I would lean into my wife’s stomach and read to my unborn child. I would read with enthusiasm and use different voices for each of the characters in the book.
It never ceased to amaze me how my unborn son would respond to me reading. Often, Xander would kick me when I finished reading for the evening. I believe he was telling me to continue the story and not stop reading for the night. Reading to my son was some of the most fun my wife and I had during her pregnancy.
At Xander’s birth, the delivery room was full of strangers, and he began to cry. Xan calmed quickly by my wife’s voice and touch. He became upset again when they pulled him from her so the nurses could take measurements. I told my little boy, “Do not be scared. Daddy is here with you.” My son stopped crying immediately and looked towards me the entire time the nurses were with him.
I continued to talk to him in a soothing voice to comfort him. I have no doubt Xander knew whom I was at his birth. Other men would speak, and Xander would not even turn towards them. If I spoke, his head automatically moved towards the sound of my voice. I knew I had become a father.
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I am sure there are some people who doubt that my son knew me. However, I participated in my wife’s pregnancy for 9 months by talking to my son. At his birth, my son did not cry much, as long as my wife or I spoke to him. Reading to my son was one way I was able to bond before his birth and experience fatherhood.
As I look back now, I wonder if reading Eragon to my son had more of an impact than I knew. Xander loves playing with castles, knights and toy dragons. He even tries to speak in a different voice while he plays.
In my opinion, the moment we conceive a child, fatherhood begins. There is no reason that a person can not bond with their child before birth.
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As a father, reading to my son excited me because my wife and I, both instantly bonded with our son when he was born. Did anyone read to your children before they were born? If they did was there a favorite story that someone read? How bonded were your children to you and your partner when they were born? Tell me more in the comments!
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Originally printed on DadBlunders.com, and then brought to our attention by MaJenDome. Aaron explains the connection:
“I made a tweet the other day to @MaJenDome about reading to my son before his birth, and they asked me if I would share my story. The mission of the MaJenDome movement is to inspire expectant fathers to consistently read aloud to their children from the very beginning. I am telling my story about reading to my son because I believe it helped us to bond before his birth.”
Can’t say how much I appreciate this advice. My wife and I are expecting in August and admittedly I’ve been wondering if there’s anything I can do before the baby arrives. I’m definitely going to start doing this. Thanks!
Matt, Congratulations! Many men think that fatherhood has to wait but I can tell you that it doesn’t. I was worried before my son was born that I wouldn’t be able to bond until after his birth. I knew that mothers were instantly bonded to our children and I saw no reason it wouldn’t work for a man (if they were evolved) Speaking to my son, reading to my son or singing to my son became part of our daily existence. We already had his name picked out and as soon as we knew the sex I refereed to him… Read more »
So glad the Good Men Project picked this up – thank you. Also, big thanks to Rob and Aaron for being (as Rob would say) great dads. I believe that one day in our life time the idea of a man reading to his child(ren) in the womb will not be a good idea but an instinct. I believe that men will actually peer pressure other men to read to the womb. With great fathers like Rob and Aaron and wonderful supporters like Gina and Tom, I believe this culture change has already begun. Thank you all so very much.
Thank you so much for promoting this so much.
I appreciate it. I know that fatherhood begins long before a child is born. I would tell any father to start being a father from the very moment they know they are going to be a dad. I am living proof it works.
Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders
Tom, We tried for a total of nine years and saw a specialist before we got pregnant. We were actually to the point of giving up and trying something else. We had a name picked out for a boy and a girl. The moment we knew it was a boy we referred to him as Xander or Xan. I never used the generic “the baby” either. I understand why some people do but it seemed impersonal to me. Even before i knew the sex I was referring to Xander by our last name and saying “little Brinker” I believe that… Read more »
“The moment I discovered my wife was pregnant my life changed. We had wanted to have a child for years, and this was exceptionally good news. I knew that I did not want to feel useless for 9 months. I wanted my future son to at least know who I was and know my voice, even if he could not see me.” …. Is a feeling I shared when I found out my wife was pregnant after 8 years of trying. Rather then the generic “the baby,” we went so far as naming him/her with a name that I liked… Read more »
I also practiced reading to the womb with both my children. I love what Elvin is doing with MaJenDome, and I feel it crucial to get fathers involved throughout the pregnancy process. My children were very aware of my voice, and we have reading sessions every night now that they are here. Fantastic post, & thanks for sharing.
Robert,
It is an experience that I am happy to have been part of. I I agree with you 100%! I love the efforts that Elvin is doing with MaJenDome to promote bonding with your child and fatherhood. I know that it made a difference in my life. I was prepared to be a dad long before my son came home from the hospital. It is a wonderful feeling for any dad to have their child recognize them from birth.
Aaron Brinker aka Dad Blunders
It is such a great idea to read to your baby while he or she is still under construction, as it were. I know that I could tell during pregnancy that sound traveled to my baby. After birth recognition of mom and dad was so apparent, much as with you and Xan. We were surprised to find that our first born also recognized our dogs by their barks. Furry family members, I guess.
Everyone should follow your example of reading to their children, both before and after birth. Reading is an amazing bonding time.
Thank you for sharing1
Gina, I am glad you enjoyed it. I believe I bonded with my son long before his birth. As I was reading to him, he would make me laugh. He would kick so hard when I would stop reading. It is definitely an experience I am glad I had. I think our son knew our dogs before birth too. He never cried when he came home and they barked. I think he got out of his system before he was born. They would bark and he would move around in the womb (as if to say “knock it off”) Aaron… Read more »