A working dad gets his priorities in order and decides to leave his long-time employer. Here is how he gets going with self- reflection and discovery.
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I worked for my former employer for 22 years, or as I like to think about it, two more seasons than Derek Jeter played for the New York Yankees.
Jeter, who handles every situation with class, came to mind when I had to figure out how best to leave an organization that was a big part of my life. I spent more years there than I did at my childhood home and in college. My relationship with my employer was even longer than the ones I’ve had with my wife and kids.
In the midst of a restructuring, I decided to leave on my terms and with respect. And, since I had to figure out what to do next, getting a head start on my next career, whatever it might be, was critical.
Here was my exit strategy. It’s one for you to consider and adapt if you’re ever in a similar situation:
Get Personal. For me, this meant writing and widely circulating a heart-felt departing note. I shared the note in advance with some people who said, “Nice note, now stick it in your desk drawer. No one else needs to see it”. But others knew, and I knew, I had to send it. I wrote about how proud I was to work for the organization, my desire to set a good example for my kids by understanding my strengths and pursing my passions, and wanting to be more present for my family by eliminating an awful NY-metro-area commute. In response, many colleagues shared their own struggles, gave me feedback on my strengths, and signed up to support me! They gave me confidence in my decision and inspired me to keep writing and sharing.
“Worry About Yourself”. That’s the advice a mentor gave me early on. Putting self-interest first doesn’t come naturally to me, but I needed to take that advice. After my decision, I stayed onboard for several weeks to finish my projects and transition my responsibilities. But, I also spent a lot of time looking through old performance appraisals, reviewing initiatives that I enjoyed and performed well, and self-reflecting. My middle-school daughter was going through a similar self-discovery for an assignment called “All About Me.” So, I created my own version of the assignment, gathered this information and filed it in a black binder called “All About Me.” It would prove to be crucial in helping me figure out what to do next and how to get there.
Network. Network. Network. I was never a great networker, but now was as good a time as any to improve. I was very proactive and never said no to a colleague who asked how he or she could help me. My work network fell into a few natural and sometimes overlapping categories: Inner circle of trusted confidants and mentors; knowledgeable and experienced colleagues; and, friends with whom I just wanted to stay in touch. My last few weeks included a steady diet of coffees, lunches, drinks and learning — lots of little going away parties which I preferred to a big party — and my commitment to stay in touch.
Involve Your Family. Since my decision was in part driven by my wife and children, they had to be part of my transition. I enlisted my two boys to video-tape my last commute. We even created a story board in advance. Not surprisingly, the final video was nothing like Jeter’s touching commercial of his last commute. My older son made fun of my Speedos and pre-work swim routine. Fellow commuters and food-stand owners more or less did not really care that it was my last commute. And my planned big finale, arriving home to my 3-year-old daughter’s daddy-I-love-you-hug, was a bust, finding her distracted in front of the TV. The video served its purpose though as a good reminder of what I never wanted to do again! The very next day, my two girls were with me to load up the car and say final goodbyes. They kept my emotions in check and I left on a happy note.
Think it. Say it. Write it. Do it. Writing my heart-felt note and video-taping my last commute showed me that I could train my brain to get out of my comfort zone and do anything I wanted to do. By thinking, saying, writing and then doing seemingly insignificant things, I gained confidence and realized that my new career would have no boundaries except the ones I created. A few weeks into my decision, I had turned the corner and knew I would not revert to a safer, familiar career. Purpose and passion were my driving forces going forward.
Back to the Captain. During Jeter’s last few games, he became frustrated with the media’s concern for him. The commercial of his last commute fueled their anxiety, with Frank Sinatra singing “My Way” with its lyrics about “the end is near” and “face the final curtain.”
But, like me, Jeter saw the end of one career as the exciting beginning of a new one. That’s why the theme song for the video of my last commute will be another Sinatra song, “The Best is Yet to Come,” the same song that my Dad included on t-shirts celebrating his 70th birthday. Jeter should take note.
My next important questions were how to figure out my true calling and how to go get it.
Look for more from me on those.
Photo: Flickr/David Sullivan
Congratulations to you. At least, you want to have a more balance life with your family plus wanting to do something else with your life. Americans place too much status and respect on their jobs especially when they are high ranking people in the public/private sectors who don’t know what to do with themselves when they retire or force to retire.
I left a job relatively recently as well. I’d like to think I left under good terms and was ready. You clearly did and it seems to be part of the reason you are transitioning so well.