Having a child, especially for young parents, can be a difficult job because it involves so many responsibilities. The parents are always expected to provide conditions for normal development and ensure that the child is happy and healthy. Indeed, it is a tough task to complete because most of the day should be spent with the child practicing positive parenting methods. In this article, we will look at how to establish a positive friendly relationship with boys.
Contrary to the popular opinion, males are much more emotional and can be easily frustrated. To deal with the emotions of your son in an appropriate way, a parent needs to understand the psychological principles involved. Let’s review an example.
You have two sons: one is still in fourth grade while the other just went off to college to the city. They were two very good friends but when the older brother left, the younger one has dramatically changed: he resists talking about his feelings about his brother leaving the house. Also, the basketball that they used to play on the backyard has been thrown into the back of the closet and he does not come out to shoot some hoops anymore. How do you act in this case?
According to Brian Krans from Healthline, males tend to avoid sharing their emotions because their brain processes information differently. Unlike women who are known for their emotional approach to share their thoughts, men use analytical approach that has them acting passive toward many emotions. That is why your younger brother is acting so differently and avoids telling you how he feels about his brother leaving.
To ensure that your son expresses his emotions in a healthy way, parents need to be perceived as friends as well. You would not have the chance to discuss his problems if you do not have an open and free relationship with your sons. Many problems experienced during childhood are even preferred not to be released, says Kevin Hermann, an organizational psychologist from Proessaywriting. For example, a study found that most child abuse cases are unreported because the children prefer not to talk about, especially boys.
Therefore, your son will more likely to hide his emotions if he does not perceive as you as friend, so all that math problems and other school troubles might be revealed only if someone tells you. Given that he perceives you as a parent, he will be very cautious about telling you about this because he needs to avoid punishment or strict parenting.
On the other hand, your child will have much more desire to share the emotions with you if you were able to establish trustworthy relationship. This could be done by showing that you share his interests and can give him a valuable advice. Besides, you need to show that punishment is also a last resort for you because you wish to be friends in addition to being parents. A good communication is therefore the first necessary factor that builds the foundation for a good friendship with your son.
Second, you need to gain his trust. Make sure that he feels comfortable telling you everything by not referring to punishment. This way, he will be more confident telling you about his feelings. Together, the habit of good communication and trust will go a long way in building the foundation for a really trustworthy relationship with your son.
The third and equally important thing is to ignore the temptation to parent him in a traditional way that would involve lack of advice or even some form of punishment. This is the last thing you should do if you want to have a good relationship with your boy because he might get frustrated and even intimidated by possible outcomes of communicating you the feelings. What you should do is listen with interest and try to give him your knowledge in a way that does not make him feel he is being tutored like in classroom. The child will also appreciate it if you ask questions related to his experience and try to relate them to yourself as well. In case of our example described above, you should also acknowledge having a difficult time with your son leaving home for college.
To make sure that you encourage your son to perceive you as a friend as well, we have learned a little bit about how male brain works and foundation for the friendship should be established. Good communication, trust, and resistance to interrupt and teach are three good methods that will help you get started in the right way. Eventually, being a friend to your son will make him more secure and confident plus he will be glad to share his feelings with you like you taught him to.
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