Doyin Richards is not an expert on women, but he has some ideas on what qualities they find to be sexy in men.
As a dad who often writes about Daddyhood, I’ve learned a lot from my wife, my friends, and my followers about women (specifically, moms). One of the lessons I learned is what most moms find to be sexy in men. Spoiler alert: Oftentimes it’s not six pack abs, a fancy car, or being rich.
Moms think good dads are sexy.
The women reading this who are married to great dads are nodding their heads in agreement. Since I started my blog, I can’t tell you how many messages I receive from women sharing pictures of their men caring for their kids and how “hot” that is to them. The Daddies Doin’ Work (aka, great dads) reading this are nodding their heads in agreement too, because they know their spouses will love and cherish them until the end of time due to the amount of work they put in for their families. The women reading this who are involved with less than great dads are nodding their heads in agreement as well, because they hear about and/or see great dads and think about how much hotter their men would be if they stepped up like the Daddies Doin’ Work of the world do.
Here are some examples of what I’m talking about.
#1 – Baby Wearing: Women love to see men wear babies. To see a big, strong man take part in a gentle act like strapping an infant to his chest is a beautiful thing, and most women find it to be extremely attractive. Not to mention, seeing a man willing to do that shows how confident he is. He doesn’t give a damn if Neanderthals make fun of him or laugh at him for using a baby carrier. He does it because he loves being close to his babies and that love trumps any hater’s opinion. I remember a woman once sent me an email that read, “Can you please have a talk with my husband about how great baby wearing is? He says only soft men would do that sort of thing.” Soft?? Really? My Instagram feed is dedicated to amazing dads – many of which are baby wearers. These men are a lot of things, but soft is not one of them.
#2 – Affection: You know that emotionally-unavailable dad? Sure you do. He’s the guy who thinks he’s an awesome father just because he brings home a paycheck. He never plays with his kids, he never tells them he loves them, and the only time he touches them is during an ass-whooping when they “get out of line.” Like the title of this post says, I’m not an expert on women, but I’ll go out on a limb by saying that no mom reading this finds that dad to be sexy.
You know what they find sexy?
Dads who come home from work and give their kids big bear hugs as soon as they walk through the door.
Dads who sit their kids on their laps while they complete puzzles or sing songs.
Dads who constantly offer positive reinforcement to their kids.
Dads who are manly enough to kiss their kids in public.
Dads who tell their kids how much they love them.
It’s a new world now and that emotionally-unavailable nonsense is completely played out. Affection is the new toughness.
#3 – Being Silly: The kids want to start a dance-off? He’s the first one to bust a move. Your daughter wants a date for her tea party? He’s the first one to put on makeup and sit at the table with her. These guys aren’t “too cool” to do anything for their kids because they understand that making their kids happy IS the coolest thing ever. Again, the level of confidence it takes to look silly and not care about anyone’s opinion (other than that of his family) is extremely attractive to many women.
Happy kids = happy Mama (which = happy Daddy)
#4 – Being a Partner Without Being Asked: The baby’s crying in the middle of the night and he quickly gets up to tend to her so you can sleep. You’re exhausted and he puts on the apron to whip up a nice dinner for you and your family – or, if he can’t cook, he brings home your favorite take out instead. He’s heading out of town for the week on business and he leaves thoughtful notes in his son’s lunchbox to say how much he loves him. He notices that you’re stressed out and he surprises you with a mani-pedi day to regain your sanity while he watches the kids. Nobody asked him to do these things. He just does them on his own because he’s a good-ass dude.
To some ladies, I’m sure this happens quite often for you. Even if that’s the case, I bet you still find it extremely sexy when it does happen, right? Of course you do.
To the ladies who find the acts listed in this section to be as likely to happen as an alien invasion, I’m sure you’d find it damn sexy if your man did these things, right? Of course you would.
#5 – Appreciating His Partner: It doesn’t matter if she’s a stay-at-home mom or a mom who works outside of the home – these women are all Mommies Doin’ Work. Between toddler tantrums, diaper changes, and kids doing the complete opposite of what’s asked of them, motherhood can be a stressful and extremely thankless gig at times. When their men pull them aside to say, “You know what, honey? I appreciate everything you do for our family,” all of the stress seemingly disappears. It takes so little effort to say thank you, but it has a ridiculously profound impact. Not to mention, moms find it damn sexy when their men appreciate their hard work.
In closing, here’s a memo to the young men out there who will eventually get married and have children of their own: Believe me when I say that moms love men who demonstrate the traits I outlined above. Sadly, there are middle-aged men who still have no clue about what it takes to be a good dad or husband. Don’t be like those guys.
Most importantly, if you complete these tasks just because you want to get laid, it will never work. Why? Because as soon as women become moms, their BS-radar gets intensified. Don’t ask me why, it just does. Everything you do must be genuine and from the heart or else you’ll be called out on it faster than you can say, “Let’s cuddle.”
Being a dad isn’t easy – but if you’re thoughtful, kind, and loving, you’ll be way ahead of the game and your spouse will love you for it. If you can do all of that and have six-pack abs…well, that just wouldn’t be fair to the rest of us.
Photo courtesy of bigstockphoto.com