Welcome to Portraits of Fatherhood: We’re telling the story of today’s dads.
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There is no better place to witness the changing roles of men and women in the larger culture than through the lens of parenthood. But rather than speculate on what and how contemporary fathers do what they do, we’d like to bring you portraits of the dads themselves. In their own words. Would you like to be interviewed for this feature? See the end of the post for details.
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NAME Jed Diamond
AGE 71
HOMETOWN / WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? Willits, California (North of San Francisco in Mendocino County)
@TWITTER @MenAliveNow
ON THE WEB www.Menalive.com
NUMBER OF CHILDREN 5 children, 15 grandchildren
WORK Full time work as writer, therapist, consultant
RELATIONSHIP STATUS Married
HOW DO YOU COMBINE WORK AND FAMILY?
My wife, Carlin, and I have been together for 35 years. It was the third marriage for both of us. Together we have five children and we raised our last two children together. I had been full-time parent to my daughter, Angela, and my wife had been full-time parent to her son Aaron.
Since we were a “blended family,” we had to find creative ways to work and handle family responsibilities. We both worked full time, but could work from home so it made work/family balance both easier and more challenging.
HOW HAS PARENTING CHANGED YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL?
Our children now range in age from 40 to 55. Through all the years, parenting has drawn out the best and worst in me. It has stretched me to my limits and brought me to exalted heights. It has been the best practical and spiritual training I could have ever hoped for. I’m a much better person and a much better man from what I’ve learned from our children.
IF PARTNERED, HOW HAS PARENTING AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Parenting has brought us more deeply in alignment with each other. Since this was our third marriage and we both had children from previous relationships, we learned the importance of taking care of the big Three: 1. We had to take care of our relationship to ourselves. 2. We had to take care of our relationship to our children. 3. And we had to take care of our relationship to each other. Over time one or another of the three would get out of balance and we would have to work to put more energy to the ones that were falling behind. It’s a challenge balancing our personal, couple, and family time.
DO ANY OF YOUR CHILDREN HAVE SPECIAL NEEDS? AND IF SO, HOW HAS THIS SHAPED YOUR PARENTING?
Our daughter, Angela, has always had special needs. She was only 2 months old when my first wife and I adopted her. She had serious health problems that created both physical, psychological, and interpersonal challenges. She’s Black and we are White. We’ve had to learn a lot about race, class, and culture. And of course, every one of us has “special needs.” We’ve all experienced a share of difficult early experiences that we must deal with. For Angela, her “special needs” were more obvious.
IS YOURS AN ADOPTIVE FAMILY? AND IF SO, HOW HAS THIS SHAPED YOUR PARENTING?
My first wife and I had a child (a son, Jemal) and then we adopted a child (Angela). When Carlin and I got together, Angela was living with me and Jemal was living with his mother. Carlin had two older boys living with their Dad and the younger son living with her. Together we have five children and we’ve been very involved with them through all stages of their lives. Being parents and now grandparents (of 15 children) continues to shape our lives.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST PARENTING MOMENT?
My worst parenting moment occurred when our daughter, Angela, stole our car when we were out. When we came back and found the car had been driven and returned, I became explosively angry, yelled and screamed, at Angela. It also recalled times when she was a little girl when I would get so angry I would pick her up and throw her in her room (Even though I threw her on a water bed, I’m sure it was scary.).
WHAT IS YOUR BEST PARENTING MOMENT?
When Angela gave birth to her first child, a daughter, my wife and I drive down, hoping we’d arrive in time for the birth. We barely made it, but Angela wanted us both in the delivery room with her. I felt blessed to see my new grandchild come into the world. When we left the hospital, my wife went back to the hotel room to get some rest and I took Angela and the new baby home. Angela was trying to breast feed, but wasn’t having any luck and the baby was crying. I could see both were becoming increasingly stressed. I asked to hold the baby and I helped Angela recall the relaxation exercises I had taught her as a little girl. I asked her to relax, breathe deeply, and picture herself comfortably breast feeding and her new daughter connecting lovingly. I handed the baby back to her and both mother and baby connected immediately. I felt proud that I could help my daughter “breast feed for the first time.”
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We’re looking for a few good dads.
IF you’d like to be interviewed for this feature, please write to Lisa Duggan at: [email protected]
Please write “Portraits of Fatherhood” in the subject line.