I have a good friend who became a father about three months ago. He was breaking away from a toxic work environment that carried minimal opportunity for advancement while his wife had a solid career waiting for her after maternity leave. These circumstances led to my friend becoming his infant daughter’s primary caregiver — with all the benefits and challenges therein.
It’s strange how in this day and age society still conforms to the stereotype that men cannot be caregivers, even for their own children. My friend tells me that when passersby see him carrying his daughter, they say, “It’s nice of you to help out”. For all they know, he’s the only parent in the picture. Why not just give him the same warm smiles and compliments that people give new mothers?
This is not intended to be a suggestion to my friend, but a little known fact is that men can lactate. We have nipples for a reason: if an infant is hungry and no lactating women are present. Therefore, men have the nurturing gene after all. The key is finding non-breast-feeding ways to utilize it.
While I am far from ready to take care of a child, I do like to cuddle. Cuddling to me is the quintessence of nurturing. Every woman I have been close to knows this, and I admit that I was shocked whenever a woman I was intimate with did not want to cuddle.
Cuddling is wonderful — whether you use the ‘big spoon, little spoon’ metaphor or choose not to get so sappy. I have cuddled with friends and lovers alike. It does not have to have any sexual connotation whatsoever (although cuddling after sex is the best).
Cuddling is strongly connected to childhood. Even adults need to feel like children sometimes, particularly on Saturday mornings or after a stressful day at work.
The need to be a nurturer, in the broader sense, is about parenthood — and men can be parents. They can be cuddly teddy bears to their sons and daughters, along with their adult friends, without a hint of creepiness. Although we are three days past Christmas, I think Santa Claus is the epitome of a (male) nurturer. He has a fuzzy suit, a jolly face, and a large lap to sit on (while asking for presents). I was about to argue that no one questions his masculinity, but that is no longer the case given the post-modern world that we inhabit.
I say to men: we need to get in touch with our inner nurturer.
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Male Stereotype Number One: Men Don’t Cry
Male Stereotype Number Two: Men Don’t Ask for Directions
Male Stereotype Number Three: Men are Competitive
Male Stereotype Number Four: Men Don’t Cook
Male Stereotype Number Five: Men are Warriors
Male Stereotype Number Six: Men Are Clumsy
Male Stereotype Number Seven: Men Are Aggressive
Male Stereotype Number Eight: Men are Either Good or Evil
Male Stereotype Number Nine: Men Can’t Be Friends with Women
Male Stereotype Number Ten: Men are Strong
Male Stereotype Number 11: Men are Breadwinners
Male Stereotype Number 12: Men Don’t Refuse Sex
Male Stereotype Number 13: Men ‘Manspread’
Male Stereotype Number 14: Men ‘Mansplain’
Male Stereotype Number 15: Men Don’t Listen
Male Stereotype Number 16: Men Are Better Drivers
Male Stereotype Number 17: Men Like Porn
Male Stereotype Number 18: Men Don’t Do Therapy
Male Stereotype Number 19: Men Can’t Handle Commitment
Male Stereotype Number 20: Men Aren’t Feminists
Male Stereotype Number 21: Men Like Guns
Male Stereotype Number 22: Men Don’t Have Feelings
Male Stereotype Number 23: Men Don’t Shop
Male Stereotype Number 24: Men Are Leaders
Male Stereotype Number 25: Men Are Childish
Male Stereotype Number 26: Men are Stubborn
Male Stereotype Number 27: Men Are Territorial
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https://pixabay.com/en/animal-red-panda-cuddle-cute-1852823/
Men can absolutely be nurturers and are great nurturers. There is actually science behind this. Nurturing is a very masculine trait. Society has many things backward……. love men that nurture