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There are many misconceptions about who can be a foster caregiver. One of the most underrepresented groups in fostering is single males, which has been attributed to the long-held belief that single men aren’t eligible to foster. For Pete*, this was the primary reason he put off finding out about fostering for so long.
The single father of one separated from his partner in 2010 and their teenage son now spent weekends and school holidays with his father. With a spare bedroom in his home, and with nothing to fill the days, Pete turned to fostering as a way to improve his quality of life. Despite worrying that these were “selfish” reasons to become a foster carer, it is the dedication of people like Pete that keep the foster system going.
Pete was shocked to discover that not only was he eligible to foster, but that private fostering agencies were actively seeking to recruit more single men. With so many different children in the foster care system, there is always the need for new foster carers to provide foster homes with different dynamics. He says: “not all looked after children are problem ones. Some just need somewhere to feel safe and secure and to be themselves. Nothing else.”
One of the biggest misconceptions people have about fostering is that they don’t have enough experience, but many people fail to recognize their own parenting experience.
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While Pete’s son was initially concerned about his dad becoming a foster carer because he feared a foster child could be aggressive towards his father, he soon had a change of heart. Pete now refers to the two boys as “my lads” and no longer distinguishes between his own kin and the placement child.
Pete speaks candidly about his own reservations and those of his son but concludes: “you could sit down and think about all the difficulties you could face but I think you would just tie yourself up in knots. I find that the best way is to deal with issues as they arise.” Although he was initially worried about dealing with behavioral problems, his concerns were proven unfounded:
“To be honest, he has taken me a bit by surprise. He is very considerate towards people, caring and thoughtful l(when we go shopping he always asks if he can get something for himself and my son), he is clean and tidy and always does things when asked, not ‘in a minute’”
He cited the strong support from his private fostering agency, Lorimer Fostering, for his success and ever-growing confidence as a foster carer. One of the biggest misconceptions people have about fostering is that they don’t have enough experience, but many people fail to recognize their own parenting experience. Speaking about his own experience, pete said: “I have never really considered myself as a carer for my own children, I suppose like most male parents I just considered myself as Dad.”
Perhaps by downplaying their experience, more single men aren’t encouraged to come forward and find out if they could be suitable foster carers. Pete’s advice for other men thinking about fostering is to consider the potential impact they could have on a child’s life: “I thought then, and still do, that if I could make a difference to a child’s life, even if only for a few months, then I had done something worthwhile.”
*Pete’s name has been changed to protect his identity and that of his family. Pete fosters with Lorimer Fostering in the UK.
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Photo Credit: Getty Images