My Father
By Kevin Powell
I forgive you
For leaving me
As a little boy
With a hole the size
Of a jumbo airplane
With no arms
Because you
Did not
Know
How to love
Yourself
I forgive you
For telling my mother
She lied
That you would
Never give her
A near nickel
For me again
Though I did not know
What a near nickel was
I forgive you
For the times
My mother yelled at me
Not to be like you
But then also screamed
I was just like you
I forgive you
For those moments
When my mother
Grabbed and shook me
When she really
Wanted to
Grab and shake you
I forgive you
For all
The graveyard moments
Where I
Wished I was being
Taught by you
How to be a man
But had to
Scan
The different angles
Of blinking eyes of
Some other male life
While they were not looking
I forgive you
For never calling me
After that day you
Bumped into my mother
Years later
And took my telephone number
And said that you would
But never did
I forgive you
For the hurt
Forever lurking there
Like a pipe bomb
In my living room
For the hurt
Forever sleeping there
Like an unwanted partner
In my bedroom
I forgive you
Because I heard how
Years later
On your death march
With a body part or two
Chopped off
Missing
You asked your other children
For me
The only one not there
The only one up North
The only one who had barely ever seen you
The only one who did not know you
The only one who never called you
Dad or pop or sir
I forgive you for dying
Without my knowing
Yet I cried a decade later
When I found out
Because the hole was still there
I forgive you
Because
I also forgive me
For all those many years
I hated myself
For having
No father
(Written by the Author on Monday, February 7, 2022, 8:32am)
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Photo Credit: Author (with permission)
There is still so much pain in this piece albeit forgiving pain. It breaks my heart.
So powerful, Kevin. Important topic. Thank you for sharing.
A very powerful and moving poem.