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It was not happy on Father’s Day. And I spent my day pretending everything was fine. Smiling at my kids’ silly innocent remarks and chuckling at their cute empty games. After all, that was the least I could do. Pretend everything was OK.
A year ago, I thought I had it all figured out. I was a Fulbright Scholar. I had completed my Ph.D. in natural sciences at one of the University of California campuses. My career in the natural sciences was set.
As I walked the podium, my youngest son, still learning his words shouted, “That’s my dad.” He was proud of me. I was proud of me. I waited my whole life for that moment.
I wanted my mother to be there, but she lay in an unmarked grave 11,000 miles away. At least, my friends from church, my high school teacher, my wife and my two kids were there to witness my initiation into the coveted world of research and academia.
But what went wrong?
Together with two other applicants, I had been shortlisted for an on-site interview at one of the top ten universities in the world.
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Around 700 applications later, I discovered the world was not interested in my unique experience or expertise. I was not good enough. Dejected, my family and I left the US for Zimbabwe on the 4th of July. At only four and two, my kids had to learn how to transition with grace – make new friends, learn a new language and join a new school.
As expected, my kids transitioned better than me. Taking them to the preschool was tough, I had to spend the day knowing my cherished sons could have had a better education if one out of the 700 applications I sent had been positive. If only one, not two, and not three. The pain stirred me to keep searching. I kept sending applications – 1,000 more. Indeed. Monster. LinkedIn Premium.
Finally, I had three breakthroughs. China. Switzerland. Zimbabwe. The Zimbabwean job was a short contract, the Chinese job required at least six months of processing and the Swiss job was my only hope. I wanted to work in Switzerland. Who doesn’t?
My sons wanted me to get the Swiss job. They prayed about it each day before dinner, “Daddy, when we go to Switzerland I want you to buy me an Isuzu truck.” My oldest son would say. “Buy me a big chocolate candy,” the youngest would interject. I wanted to buy my wife a house in Zimbabwe, help her open a school, or something like that.
Imagine my excitement when I received an email inviting me for an on-site interview in Switzerland. Together with two other applicants, I had been shortlisted for an on-site interview at one of the top ten universities in the world. I still remember seeing hope, excitement and a sigh of relief in my kids’ eyes when I broke the news.
Zürich turned out to be what I expected – a wonderful place for my family to live. As I walked around the city, I could imagine taking my kids to the local schools. They will be trilingual; English, Shona and German.. But that was not to be. Three weeks after my trip, I received a letter of regret. And my eyes were set for China.
In March, my family moved to China. My kids are not in school. I tried to enroll them in a local kindergarten and it seems they do not prefer foreigners. My wife is trying to homeschool them. And she’s trying to enroll for a degree in English or education.
Coming back from work each day, I am met by my oldest son eager to show me all the new things he learned from a couple of homeschooling videos I downloaded. He can read and spell three letter words, carry out basic addition and subtraction, comprehend a story such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs or The Pied Piper. But I do not know if his performance is satisfactory for his age group. And that kills me.
My youngest son is having a blast. He tells anyone who cares to listen that he loves China. But I cannot bear but believe I have failed my family, despite being a Fulbright Scholar with a doctorate in environmental toxicology.
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Photo Credit: Getty Images