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Twenty-five or so years ago, as I was getting ready to leave the house and family for the evening, I stopped to have a moment of closeness with our youngest child. I was filled with love and gratitude that I was able to give him what my father didn’t get to give to his children. Because my father was a road salesman he was never at home during the week, and weeknights were a lonely, often scary experience for me.
When I saw tears in my son’s eyes I was, of course, concerned and asked, “What’s wrong buddy?” I remember feeling confident that I could help him with his little boy troubles. As an involved dad, I understood that boys need their fathers. I was very glad I’d stopped my evening to be with him, and that we’d have this time where we could be close.
“Nothing,” he said, turning his eyes away from mine.
I waited a moment, fantasizing about him being bullied or afraid of the dark. He held his gaze away from mine.
Brushing his hair back I prompted him gently. “Come, you can tell me.”
He pulled back within himself further, “It’s nothing”.
I knew he was holding something very painful, and I fought the urge to force him. Time was becoming an issue. I had only a few moments to speak to him because I was on my way to speak to a parent teacher’s meeting about fathers.
One more time. I put my hand on his shoulder, and said, “Whatever you’re sad about it important to me, and I want to help.”
His brilliant eyes swung to meet my gaze and he said, “You’re never here.”
My sense of father closeness popped and suddenly I was a lonely boy whose father was in some strange city. Confused and a bit helpless, my words grabbed for a way back. “I’m here right now”.
“It feels like you’re always gone.” His upset was clear in his shaking voice.
So there I was, going out to beat the drum for father closeness and my own son had delivered the heart-wrenching truth that he missed me, felt obvious pain in our relationship.
Could it be that even my best intentions for others were somehow overlooking the needs of my family?
Out of the mouths of babes……….
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Photo credit: Getty Images