Matt Brennan finds himself more attuned to the realities of being a dad—despite what society shows him.
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For decades, we have been hearing about more women in the workplace. Should we really be surprised that translates to more dads staying home with their kids?
Society is busy adjusting to all of it. The way we portray these demographics in the media matters because perception is everything. While a lot of progress is being made, there is still much work to do.
Look at the popular television show from the late 90s, Everybody Loves Raymond. The show’s main storyline revolves around a dad, Ray Barone, who cannot seem to get fatherhood right, no matter how hard he tries. Family comes to the rescue, and the wife is always there to bail him out. I love Ray Romano. I think he’s hilarious. Here’s the thing…
This portrayal is dangerous. It is not the way I want to be known as a dad, and I’m pretty sure other dads feel the same way. I’m not a buffoon. For much of my son’s first year, my wife and I worked opposite shifts. I’m not a stay at home dad, but I’ve done my share of caretaking. I am happy to report that I know how to change a diaper, and I am perfectly capable of feeding or bathing my kid. It’s not just mom’s work.
So yes, having a kid has made me more attuned to these stereotypes. Let me draw a comparison for a second. What if we had a sitcom about a mom in the workforce who simply couldn’t handle it? I don’t mean a show about a mom struggling to find the work life balance, but a show about her simply not being talented enough to do her job, because she is better at home? I think we are past that as a society, as we should be.
More work needs to take place when it comes to the perception of dads. A lot of businesses have done well in the past marketing to moms. When advertisers changed their tune on Super Bowl Sunday, it made the national news.
I know it’s not glamorous to picture men, especially those that look like me (suburban, white), as victims of negative stereotyping. There are two significant examples I would point you to right now, however.
Online sales giant Amazon still calls their parenting program “Amazon Moms,” while it is marketed as “Amazon Family” in other countries around the world. There is a petition on Change.org with more than 7,500 signatures to change this, since dads buy diapers too.
Secondly, actor Ashton Kutcher recently made headlines pushing for something that many dads can identify with – more changing tables in the men’s room. On a solo trip out with his baby, he found himself in major need of a bathroom changing table. Most dads know these can appear in short supply. All parents understand changing a diaper on a bathroom floor is disgusting and no fun.
To be honest, these are issues I wouldn’t have thought twice about until I became a dad. I understand the temptation to gloss over this stereotype and move on. I’ve been part of a great group of more than 1,000 dad bloggers on Facebook, who have consistently advocated on these types of issues for a long time, and who do great work.
It is time for the media and society to understand that dads can be involved parents too, and treat them as such, because perception is everything.
By Matt Brennan
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Photo: Flickr/Andrew Blight
Fair points, Jonathan. To clarify my point, I meant shows or movies more contemporary with Everybody Loves Raymond.
“What if we had a sitcom about a mom in the workforce who simply couldn’t handle it?” I was going to say I thought we had a few movies like that some decades ago… Meg Ryan, Diane Keaton? I’m trying to remember who was in Working Girl… oh… Melanie Griffith. I can’t remember if the protagonists were identified as moms, or simply single women. Oh, wait. Didn’t we cover this somewhat with Lucille Ball in “I Love Lucy”? No, wait, she was identified as a housewife… Ricky Jr. hadn’t come along just yet. But speaking of another Keaton… Michael Keaton…… Read more »
It’s all about perceptions. Those types of portrayals don’t do dads any favors. Thanks for commenting.
Hey Matt, you’re at where I was at 30 years ago. I will always favor McD’s for one reason and that’s because they were one of the first fast food that had changing tables in the men’s room. It’s not only dad issues but it’s about how society continues to allow men to look like idiots. A few years ago Sears ran a commercial about a young couple moving into their first home, where he called out to his wife asking things like .. “Honey, the microwave is here where does it go?” “Honey, the refrigerator is here, where does… Read more »