DiaryDad’s mind wanders as he ponders a pair of shoes.
I found myself looking at this pair of shoes left in front of the sink in our bathroom last week and I had an awful moment of enlightenment. They fit snuggly on the feet of my soon to be 12 year-old son. As I stood there looking at them I could almost see him standing there looking into the mirror. I could almost see him doing any number of the routine mundane tasks he does standing in that spot, that spot now marked by his very empty shoes.
Before I knew it I was imagining him doing other tasks in front of that mirror. Like shaving, struggling with acne, or god forbid primping for a date. How did I jump so quickly from these shoes to imagining activities of a boy whose feet no longer fit in them. Greater still how is this little boy I brought home from the hospital just the other day even fitting into these shoes that are lying here on the floor of this bathroom?
How did I get here, how do I have a son that is almost 12 years-old? Have I taught him everything he needs to know to be 12? Have I helped him prepare for the teenage years that lie ahead? Does he have the skills and talents I wish I had possessed at his age, is he ready for this world?
Oh this world, am I doing enough to make sure this world is a place he can thrive? Have I recycled enough, am I considering my carbon footprint? What about this city, this state, this country, have I voted for the right things? Have I helped to elect the right people? Have I helped make this world a place he can succeed?
Have I taught him to be good to people? Have I taught him to make friends? Have I taught him to help those that need helping? Have taught him to do good even though no one is looking?
Will he be here one day looking at his own child’s shoes? Will he stand here like me asking these same crazy questions? Will he have the same worries I do? Will he fill this inadequate?
Wait… stop… no…
Just breathe for a moment, you are doing just fine. He was brushing his teeth, preparing for bed. He kissed you and your wife, then in his bed he read. He loves to learn, he is full of wonder.
Breathe deep and relax, don’t give into the panic.
One day at a time live each to the fullest!
Remember to laugh, remember to smile.
Tell him you love him, then show him you do.
The feet that fit these shoes have amazing things to do. They have places to go so he can learn and discover new things. They have places to go so he can meet new friends. They have places to go so he can overcome struggles. They have places to go, so they can come back and see you.
Oh these shoes took me on a journey that morning, more than I realized they could. As I found my way back and I opened my eyes, there they were these two empty shoes sitting on the floor in front of the sink in our bathroom. I picked them up and put them in his room, where he had long since been asleep. I leaned over and kissed him, and thought I can’t wait to see where the feet that fit those shoes go.
Photo Credit: the author.