If you ask a group of single people if they want to be married, many of them will tell you yes. If you get them to open up more and be really honest with you, many of them will probably tell you that they struggle with being single.
But why? Why is being single so bad?
Truth is it’s not, but we make it seem that way.
And more truth, chances are you will get married. So why rush into it? Why not enjoy all that being single has to offer while you can?
Here are 10 reasons why we tend to rush out of our season of singleness, while not realizing what we are actually giving up.
Check out this article: 15 Perks of Being Single
. . .
1. The world makes it seem like there is something wrong with you if you aren’t married
One of the biggest lies we all hear is that if you don’t find someone to marry in your lifetime then something is wrong with you. That is not true at all. First of all, some people just choose not to get married. Marriage isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. It’s not weird or wrong, it’s a choice. If you don’t feel like marriage is for you then that is perfectly okay.
But, if you desire to get married and have yet to find that special person, then it can feel like something is wrong with you. And the more time that passes by the more that lie tends to seep into your mind. And the world doesn’t help. Many events and holidays focus on people with families. We constantly see pictures of couples and families. People will say, “What a beautiful family you have” but if you’re single many times the comment might be, “How is such a pretty girl/handsome guy like you still single?”.
The world makes it seem like there is something missing if we aren’t married. It’s like there is an expectation that you are married and have children by a certain age, but who’s idea is that anyway? Why do we feel like we need those things in order to be happy?
2. The world makes it seem like it’s better to be married than to be single
People tend to make marriage seem like it’s better than it really is. Yes, it is a beautiful and amazing thing when you get to spend your life someone you truly love and enjoy spending time with, but there is so much more to marriage than most people realize.
When you’re married yes, it’s great to have someone there all the time, but you also have to realize that you both still need your space. Yes it is great to have someone to depend on and help you with things, but there will also be times when they need to depend on you and you have to help them with things. Yes it is great to have two incomes to pay the bills, but you also have to realize that you will now have double the expenses.
Truth is people don’t really need to be married in order to live a full and satisfying life. Marriage can definitely add to that but it should not be the focus. We tend to idolize marriage and that makes us feel like if we don’t have it then we can’t enjoy life. That is not true! In fact, sometimes you can enjoy life even more without being married.
3. We don’t realize how complicated marriage really is
Marriage isn’t an easy thing no matter how wonderful your friends tell you it is. It takes work, a lot of work. Just like any relationship it needs things to help it grow. You have to communicate, spend time together, respect each other and put one another’s needs before you own.
Communication alone can be complicated. You have to figure out how to voice your needs and feelings to your partner in a way that they can understand. And when they voice their needs and feelings to you, you have to make sure that you are validating them and making an effort to change or compromise.
When you’re single, things are way less complicated. The only person you have to worry about or consider is yourself. You don’t have to think about how a decision you make is going to make your partner feel. You don’t have to worry about going out of your way to make sure they feel like you care. You really just do what you want to do, when and how you want to do it. It’s pretty simple.
4. There is a lot of pressure to get married
How many times has your family asked you “Are you seeing anyone?” or “When are you going to give me grandbabies?” Maybe your friends innocently ask about your love life and when you tell them you’re still single they kinda say “Oh, well, you’ll meet someone.” It’s hard not to feel the pity they are trying not to express.
Not only is there pressure from your friends and family, but also pressure from yourself. If you’re a woman who wants to have kids you might feel like your “biological clock is ticking”. There is some truth in the fact that you can’t have kids past a certain age, but there is also truth that modern medicine is so advanced these days that most women in their 40’s can have children without issues. Also there are other options such as surrogates and adoption. For men, they might feel like they don’t want to be that “old dad”. They dream of taking their kid out to play sports, fishing, camping and more, but they realize that some of those things are harder if you have a 10 year old when you’re 55, but they aren’t impossible. If you keep yourself in good shape you probably won’t have many issues keeping up with your kid even at an older age.
Be gentle on yourself and don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself. If your friends and family are pressuring you to get married, sometimes it’s just best to smile and nod. They are usually well meaning, but not always understanding.
5. We don’t realize how much freedom we have a single person
When you’re single the freedom you have is pretty much unlimited. Of course there are work and family responsibilities, but you can pretty much choose to live your life in any way that you want. If you want to go to the store, you just get up and go to the store. If you want to purchase an item, as long as you have the money, go for it. If your friends invite you to hang out, you can just get up and go.
When you’re married, you have to communicate with your spouse that you’re going to the store and sometimes even ask if they want something. And if they tell you, “Don’t go out tonight, just wait until tomorrow” then what will you do? Your spouse has limited the freedom that you would have had as a single person. If you want to purchase an item and they say “No, we are saving for a house”, then you kinda can’t buy that item. And if your friends invite you out but your spouse wants to spend time with you then you really should prioritize your spouse over your friends.
Every marriage is different of course but each couple is going to have limited freedom. Whenever there are multiple people they are not always going to agree on everything and there will have to be compromise and sacrifice. There are going to be things you want to do, things that you did all the time when you were single, but once you get married you won’t be able to do those things anymore.
6. Holidays can feel lonely without a family
This is probably one of the most valid reasons why many people tend to rush into relationships, but they don’t realize that there are so many other options for holidays.
Just because you don’t have kids to watch open gifts on Christmas morning or someone to cook for on Thanksgiving doesn’t mean that you can’t still enjoy the holidays. Sometimes you can actually enjoy them even more without a family of your own.
Go out to the beach and BBQ with friends for the 4th of July. Volunteer to feed the homeless on Thanksgiving. Host a Christmas party. Take yourself on a weekend spa trip for Valentines day. The possibilities are truly endless, and actually even more endless when you’re single. When you’re married and especially when you have kids, it’s much harder to just get up and go somewhere or do something that you think would be fun.
To be honest, holidays with family is actually really stressful. You have to cook and clean and shop and deal with drama. It can actually be a lot more peaceful just spending the holiday on your own with a delicious meal and a movie of your choice.
7. We think having a partner will make us be a better person
This can be true, however, it shouldn’t be the reason why you choose to be a better person. Do it for yourself not for a partner. What happens if they don’t really care anymore or you break up? Are you going to keep up with being a better person or are you just going to let it all go because they aren’t supporting you anymore?
If you want to lose weight, read more or improve any of your skills, you should do it for yourself first and foremost. Yes, a spouse can support and encourage you, but you should be your own biggest fan. And honestly, there are going to be some things in your life that your partner just isn’t going to understand. You might be really excited about a new book you just read and they might not care about reading one bit. They might be nice about it but they won’t share in your excitement.
Having friends to go along your journey with you is sometimes even better than a spouse. Sure, a supportive spouse is great, but it’s even better to have a friend or two who understands and maybe is even on the same journey that you are.
8. We take our friends for granted
One of the biggest mistakes people make is they stop spending time and investing in their friendships once they get married. Yes, you do need to put your spouse first, but you also shouldn’t completely cut off your friends. It is actually healthy to have friendships outside of marriage, especially long lasting ones.
When we are single we tend to feel like our friends aren’t enough to sustain us. We might go and hang out with our friends but then we feel dissatisfied because we come home to an empty house. We think if only we had a spouse then we would be happier, not realizing that that’s not always true. Sure, it is nice to come home to your spouse after a night out, but it’s also nice to come home and have the bed all to yourself.
Plus we don’t realize how great it really is to have friends. True friends are rare. If you have someone who you can be open and honest with that is awesome and is not something everyone has. Yes, you should be friends with your spouse, but sometimes you just need to vent about your spouse. Of course talk to them directly about any issues you may have, but once in a while you just need to tell a friend about how they never do the dishes and how they leave their nasty socks on the floor.
As a single person your friends are there for the times when you feel lonely. Call them and reach out. Go hang out with them and enjoy life together, especially if they are single as well. This is a time when you can really invest in your friendships and grow and build them. Plus, it can actually sometimes be even more fun to just go out with your girls or guys and just hang out. There are certain things your spouse just won’t want to do, but your friends will.
And if you or one of your friends gets married, don’t let that stop you from being friends. It will probably change things but you don’t have to let it change you.
9. We don’t realize how embarrassing life can be
As we age our bodies change and not always in ways that we would like. Certain food can cause us gas or upset stomachs. Sometimes we can’t always control our bodily functions. Some parts of our bodies will start to smell really bad. We start to grow hair in places that we don’t want it or lose it in places where we do want it.
When you’re single, it’s pretty easy to hide most of these issues. You can just excuse yourself and leave a party or spend a few hours getting ready before going out. When you are married and live with someone there is no hiding these things. If you eat a food that gives you bad gas and you share a bedroom, well, your partner is going to be able to tell. If you start to grow hair somewhere it never was before, your partner is going to see it at some point.
Of course a good partner will love you no matter what, but it still stinks to have to share these embarrassing and sometimes gross moments that many people would rather not. Yes, it’s nice to have support, but sometimes you just want to keep certain things to yourself. That’s much harder in marriage.
10. We feel like we need a partner to achieve our goals and dreams
Sure, for many people getting married and having a family is a goal and dream of theirs, but what about all the other ones? If you’ve always wanted to write a book, it can be a little more difficult if you have a spouse and kids to consider and care for. If you want to excel in your career, it’s much easier to work overtime when you don’t have to worry about neglecting your relationship. If you want to travel to new places, it’s so much easier to get up and just go without having to make sure your spouse wants to go or if they are okay with you going.
Think back to what you wanted to do as a kid, what was one of your big goals? Most of us had more goals than just getting married. Sure, that can still be on there, but what else did you want to do? And why haven’t you done it?
When you are married you are going to have a lot less time for yourself. It’s going to be harder to achieve some of your goals. Sure, your spouse might encourage you and support you and even help you with some of the goals you have, but they also might not. It just depends. You might really want to get your masters degree but your spouse might feel like it’s more important for you to have a job that brings in a decent income now. They might feel like it’s a waste of time and money for you to go back to school. If you do it before you’re married then they have no say in the matter.
Go for your goals and dreams now, don’t wait to get married to achieve them. Marriage might not help you achieve them as much as you think it will.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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