I don’t know about you, but I’ve had vastly different experiences on Valentine’s Day. One year, a guy dumped me the morning of. Most years, I’ve hurt over my singleness; however, I’ve also had fun times with friends. Recently, I experienced my first Valentine’s with a partner. And I’ve also spent one Valentine’s Day feeling unsure how to celebrate while kind of, but not really, dating a guy. You name it, I’ve experienced it.
From these experiences, I’ve learned many life lessons that I want others to learn earlier than I did. For two examples from each of those experiences, keep reading.
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From Getting Dumped the Morning Of
1. Sometimes Valentine’s Day just sucks — and that’s okay.
I’m a perfectionist not only in the work I do but also in the experiences I have. I want holidays and vacations to go perfectly, and if they don’t, I can become stressed easily. When I was dumped the morning of Valentine’s Day, I had to learn that some holidays simply suck, and that’s okay. I’m not the only person who’s struggling, and I’ll make it through — and the same is true for you.
2. We deserve relationships with people who treat us better.
When I look back on that relationship, getting dumped on Valentine’s was a red flag. A few months after he dumped me, and a few months after that, et cetera, he “paperclipped” me, meaning he used my attention to improve his ego. All in all, I deserved a better relationship, and you do too.
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From Struggling With Singleness
3. It’s okay to want a partner, but try to appreciate the perks of being single too.
For most of my life, I spent Valentine’s Day without a date or significant other — and I hated it. Many of my friends have also struggled with this. Wanting to have a partner on Valentine’s and in general is certainly understandable and nothing to feel ashamed about. However, in hindsight, I wish I would’ve appreciated the perks of being single more. When you’re single, you can flirt with whomever you want. You have more freedom to do what you want. I encourage you to validate your feelings and try to be positive, too.
4. Being single doesn’t mean we’re unworthy or will never experience love.
When we’re single, it’s easy to worry we’ll never find love or that something is wrong with us. However, this is simply not true. Maybe you’re single because you need to focus on yourself right now, or because you haven’t found a healthy relationship yet, or to save yourself from the heartbreak of the many frogs that come before a prince. You are just as worthy, amazing, and loved as those who have a partner. This is a truth I had to remind myself of often.
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From Having a Great Time With Friends
5. While dating relationships come and go, friends are forever, and sometimes bring the most fun.
Friendships are one of my biggest values in life. I’m thankful to have amazing friends who love me, make me laugh, and want to spend time with me. Additionally, friends can bring less drama sometimes. Fun times with them remind me that my relationships with them are valuable and enjoyable, too. After all, who doesn’t love a good Galentine’s party?
6. Don’t let a partner get in the way of meaningful friendships.
After being single for a while and finally finding a partner, we can easily get wrapped up in that new person, wanting to spend all of our time with them. Knowing that I might fall into this temptation, I’ve worked to make time for my friends too since they make me so happy and I don’t want to neglect them. I encourage you to make time for your friends and not let drama pertaining to your relationship or singleness impede that.
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From Experiencing My First Valentine’s With a Partner
7. Passionate, wholehearted love will come.
After over 20 years of spending Valentine’s without an official partner, finally getting to enjoy the holiday with one was thrilling. This experience reminded me that being single for a period of time, no matter how long, doesn’t mean we’ll be single forever. We have to be as patient as we can and hold out for someone we’re not settling for, and we’ll meet the person who loves us in the ways we desire.
8. Be thankful for that love and celebrate it.
Since I’ve spent so many holidays single, I felt especially grateful to spend one with a partner who loves me dearly. When you find someone who loves you like that, or if you already have them, hold them close. Be grateful. Make the most out of the occasion and do all you’ve wanted to with them, as long as they’re happy with those activities too.
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From Being Unsure How to Celebrate With a Sort-of Partner
9. Relationships with half the effort aren’t even half worth it.
I stayed in this relationship of sorts because I wanted to be loved romantically so badly, but after a while, I realized it wasn’t worth it. I’d rather enjoy my singleness and be happy with friends than ride an emotional rollercoaster constantly. This guy’s “breadcrumbing” behaviors, in which he gave me intermittent attention to keep me holding on without any work, were simply not it. If you’re being mistreated or find yourself unhappy more often than happy, I encourage you to reconsider the relationship.
10. Focus on the fun you can have and people who love you rather than the confusion and hurt that can come from sort-of partners.
For the most part on this Valentine’s Day, I was able to focus on aspects other than any potential plans my half-partner and I would make — and I’m so grateful. I encourage you to focus on the people and activities that you can trust and that make you happy. Try to not worry about the rest. You deserve a Valentine’s Day that’s full of love and fun rather than flakiness and confusion.
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Takeaways
You will find the unconditional love you want, and your worth doesn’t depend on how or when. I encourage you to have fun this Valentine’s, acknowledging your value and the meaningful relationships you do have. And if the day is a mess, that’s okay too — you’re not alone, and better days are ahead. You are and will always be loved!
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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