Are you a man who believes it’s essential to be handsome or rich to attract women?
Maybe you accept it’s possible with a bit of charm and charisma, but feel like you don’t have that either? This guide will inspire you not to give up hope.
It’s possible to learn a bit of game to charm women, but there are other things you can do to become more attractive as well.
If you’re tired of being lonely and invisible to the opposite sex, now is the time to take action.
These 10 ideas helped me to grow to become the type of man that women are excited to date. I’m sure they’ll do the same for you. No riches or good looks required.
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1. Be More Social
Many men struggle to land dates because they’re barely meeting any new women. Perhaps they have a couple of hobbies or go to the bar at weekends, but they’re not taking the opportunities to talk to people they cross paths with.
You don’t have to become a ‘pick-up artist’ who hits on every woman who crosses his path, but try making small talk with a new person every day. This will make you more comfortable talking to strangers and better at starting fun conversations. Then, when you do see an attractive woman you want to meet, you’ll find it easier to introduce yourself in a smooth and natural way.
You’ll make an impact by even having the courage to approach a woman in a daytime environment like a café or the mall. Fewer men are brave enough to do this since the dawn of dating apps and other means of digital communication. So, you can stand out as a better option than all the dudes in a woman’s DMs just by having the balls to talk to her in real life.
Social savviness has always been an attractive trait for a man to possess. Nowadays, you can become savvier than most guys by talking with someone new every day.
Perhaps you’ll begin your small talk with a genuine heartfelt compliment. That way, you’re spreading positivity and it’s not a bad strategy for introducing yourself to an attractive woman either.
“Communicate with honest appreciation and you’ll be amazed how she lights up in front of you.” — Mark Manson, Models.
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2. Make Female Friends
You don’t need to be rich, good-looking, or even charismatic to make female friends. Just be a nice guy who listens to her problems, or provides value in some other way. If you’ve been too much of a ‘nice guy’ to your crushes in your past, you probably know this works.
Anyway, there’s a happy medium between the endlessly friend-zoned ‘nice guy’ and the playboy who tries to sleep with every woman he meets. We’ll call him the ‘good guy’.
He’s the type of man who makes female friends by choice, not just because they won’t date him. This guy can get more action than anyone else, especially if he knows how to leverage his female friends.
The best way to do that is to invite them to outings and events, and ask them to bring their girlfriends along. These friends-of-friends will be far more open to dating the ‘good guy’, because he has already been vouched for by people they trust.
When you meet friends-of-friends, notice how they’re nearly always instantly kind to you. It’s much easier to start dating these women, compared to strangers who don’t know whether they can even trust you. So, how about you use your new ‘just be social’ challenge to make more female friends? It’ll usually pay dividends in the long run.
“[Men think] she didn’t want to have sex with me so she put me in the friendzone. Therefore, the friendzone is the worst place. It’s the lava at the bottom of Super Mario Bros.
“I’m like: don’t ever get put in the friendzone. You put them in the friendzone first and then you’re fine.” — Michael Sartain
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3. Dress And Groom Yourself Better
Men tend to underestimate the importance of dressing well to attract the opposite sex. Many don’t realize you can transform your appearance with a better outfit.
You don’t need to have a deep wardrobe of high-end brands either. It can make a huge impact simply wearing clothes that fit your body well.
From there, you can add a few accessories and look at colors that suit your skin tone. It can be as simple as finding a male model with a style you like and copying it.
A good grooming routine can make you look much better too. Treat yourself to a high-end hairdresser who’ll suggest a modern haircut that matches the shape of your face. A well-trimmed beard can make that face more masculine, while a basic skincare routine can make it glow within a few weeks.
Keep your nails trimmed and clean too. How can a woman expect you to look after her if you can’t even look after your fingers?
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4. Build An Aesthetic Body
As a man, the single best thing you can do to improve your appearance is to build a strong aesthetic physique. This article from Psychology Today highlights the academic studies that prove this is true.
It has been proven that muscular men have more sexual partners and are generally preferred by women. It has also been shown that they’re happier and healthier in general. The burn might suck while you’re actually pumping iron, but it’s worth the pain in the long run.
This video from Hamza Ahmed identifies the six aesthetic muscles — neck, upper traps, lateral delts, upper chest, lats and abs — plus how to train them. If you prioritize these muscles, you’ll get that V-taper look that drives women crazy. There’s a ready-made set of workout routines to download in the description of this video too.
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5. Start A Side-Hustle
A side-hustle will help you attract women, but not necessarily because it’ll make you more money. It’ll attract a lot of women simply because it shows you have ambition.
Ambition is a sexy trait, not only because it can lead to success. It’s also a sure-fire sign of passion burning inside you. That’s why starving musicians, actors and artists still tend to attract so many babes.
You’ll need to learn to speak emotionally about your side-hustle and sell your dream. My guide on how to make an emotional impact will help you do that.
If you’re passionate and ambitious about your main job, that’s even better. If you’re not, create some time to pursue a side-hustle that makes you truly happy. This will make your life more fulfilling, regardless of how many women it impresses.
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6. Go On An Adventurous Holiday
In the sitcom ‘Friends’, there’s a running gag about the ‘backpacking across Western Europe’ story, which womanizer Joey claims will never fail to get him laid. Joey paints the picture of his supposed trip with eloquence and grace, but the gag works because it’s somewhat believable that women could be seduced by this tale.
Women love when a man is adventurous. It excites them. It sets him apart from every other guy. It shows other attractive qualities like bravery, passion and a lust for life. Crucially, women often assume that being around an adventurous guy will help them develop these qualities. So, how about you book yourself an adventurous holiday this summer, rather than sunbathing at a classic beachside resort?
You can post photos on your social media and online dating profiles. More importantly, you’ll develop into a more interesting, adventurous, well-rounded person. Perhaps you’ll even develop your own ‘Western Europe’ story to help you seal the deal on a first date.
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7. Find A Life Purpose Other Than Chasing Women
Nothing turns women off as fast as neediness. A woman wants to date a man she sees as her superior. When you need her, that shows you don’t see yourself that way.
It’s a man’s job to pursue a woman without acting too needy. That’s a difficult balance for some to strike, especially when they’re lonely.
The best way to find this balance is to discover a life purpose that’s more important to you. Perhaps it’s your job. Maybe it’s your side-hustle. It could be taking care of a family member. Either way, this will help you naturally stop the behaviors that make you look desperate, such as texting back too quickly or trying to hang out with your crush too often.
Hollywood movies might spread the idea that endlessly doting on women is the secret to winning their hearts. In reality, it’s the other way around. A woman will respect you more if you have a purpose outside of trying to date her.
“A man’s highest purpose is his priority, not his intimacy. Your woman knows this. Deep inside, she really wants it to be this way.” — David Deida, The Way Of The Superior Man.
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8. Meditate
Meditation will help you build a lot of qualities that women find attractive. It’ll make you less anxious about approaching and flirting with women in the first place. You’ll become a better listener because you’re less likely to be ruminating in your thoughts. On top of that, it’ll make you a calmer, more grounded presence to be around. This makes you appear more confident and tends to help women feel safer around you.
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9. Invest In A Professional Photoshoot
Dating apps are rigged against men. Studies show that only the top 20% of attractive profiles attract any promising matches.
The good news is: it’s not too hard to propel yourself into this top 20%. Most men’s online dating profiles are awful. The majority of average profiles only feature selfies and low-quality photos of them posing for the camera. The better profiles will add pictures of their travels, their passions and a fun lifestyle.
You can skyrocket your profile’s popularity by hiring a professional photographer to take some high-resolution snaps of you. These days, there are plenty who specialize in taking online dating photos. They’ll know how to make you look your best and provide a range of photos with perfect framing and lighting.
These types of photos will immediately catch a woman’s attention, as they’re a pattern break from the endless mediocrity they’re exposed to on Tinder. They’ll create an aura of status around you, because the only people she’s used to seeing in such high-quality photos are models and celebrities.
Even if you’re sworn off dating apps, these photos can help you create a high-value Instagram profile. This is fast becoming an essential tool for attracting women too.
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10. Follow Joe Elvin On Medium
Following me on Medium has been shown to make you instantly sexier. Scientists suggest the joy from reading my dating and relationships articles helps to remove impurities from your face. On top of that, you’ll become more clued up about dynamics between men and women — and this knowledge will help you dominate the modern dating game.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Ramiro Pianarosa on Unsplash