In the age-old quest for a love potion to guarantee someone will love you forever, there’s actually a much simpler and more direct route to ensure your beloved’s undying love. True, it may take a little effort on your part, but it’s got to be easier than slaying dragons or selling your soul to the devil to be granted a magic potion.
And heck, if you’ve read this far, then congratulations, you’ve already started on number one.
- Work on yourself.
Ugh, I know, effort… on your part. I didn’t ever say it was going to be all fun and games. But we’re talking about undying love here — certainly that deserves a little exertion, don’t you think?
There’s no way to skip this first step. You’ve got to be willing to look at yourself and ask, what about me isn’t so lovable? And you have to be willing to listen to the answers you hear and act upon them in your real-life quest to improve yourself.
The big bonus of this important step is that your significant other will see you doing this work, which might include therapy, reading self-help books, or taking time out for self-reflection, and she will be super-impressed. Not all men are willing to do this and it demonstrates that you care about being the best you that you can be.
- Listen to her and value her (I mean, really listen).
And that doesn’t mean just listen with your ears, but (sorry to get sappy here) listen with your heart and full attention. Now, I’m not saying that you don’t already listen to your sweetheart, but just imagine her delight when she notices you putting down your phone and giving her your full attention instead of that half-assed, I’m listening but multitasking too response.
Of course, you should express yourself to her also (just no mansplaining, please!). The more you give her your full attention, the deeper your conversations will become and the more entangled your lives will stay.
- Figure out how she likes to be loved.
What “equals” love in her mind may not be what gets your heart pounding. Actually, it’s highly likely that you feel loved in different ways than she does. So, you may be walking along thinking you saying “I love you” twenty times a day should do the trick, but just like we all have different learning styles, we also have different loving styles.
Ask her what makes her feel loved. Perhaps she’s the type who needs physical touch to know you care. If you simply ask her what makes her feel the most love, she will feel like your honored queen. (And this fits right in with #2 and the whole listening thing.) So once you find out the ways that make her feel loved, do them.
- Give her gifts.
OK, I get it; I just told you to ask her what she likes and now I’m telling you what she likes. How can I know, right? Well, I’m going out on a thinnish limb here and place my money on that she likes gifts, because who doesn’t like a little something-something for no reason?
I honestly don’t know anyone who doesn’t like to be surprised with a little unexpected present for absolutely no reason other than it’s another day that you love her. These love tokens can be small, inexpensive and trivial. The big “Wow, this guy is amazing!” thing of it is, it shows you are thinking of her. Always. Even when she’s out of sight. You show that she’s not out of mind.
Sidenote: Please, please don’t ever ask her if she wants to trade presents for a holiday you celebrate, just assume she does… unless she says otherwise. (And even then, if she says she doesn’t want to exchange gifts, you should get her a gift.)
- Be honest with her.
This is the ultimate. I know, it’s hard sometimes to know whether you should really tell her you don’t love that dress on her or aren’t digging the new hairstyle. But you can be a truth teller without being a dick. It’s all in the telling.
Pause before you say something that you think might be a sensitive point and say it in a way that at first makes her feel good, and then tell the truthy thing that might be hard to hear. Trust me: practice on the small stuff and then when there’s a bigger, harder truth, you’ll have her respect. You’ll have her trust.
- Respect her and treat her as an equal in every way.
Always remember, relationships that work, work because there are two equal partners. This means you need to show interest in her career and support her in her choices. If she gets her dream career offer in another city, you need to consider its effects on the whole family, not just you. You need to remember that she would do the same for you.
And when it comes to housework and parenting, I’m just assuming you’re a modern dude and totally believe that these types of responsibilities need to be divided in an equal manner. If you’re both working full-time outside of the house, then you need to be ready to do half the “work” that goes into maintaining a happy home and family.
- When you talk about your family, make sure you include her as a part of it.
This is a small thing, but shouldn’t be overlooked. If this woman is going to be with you for the rest of your time on Earth, then your brother really is her brother, too, don’t you think?
Assume she will want to go with you on your Great Uncle John’s annual family fishing trip. Invite her. Trust me, she’ll feel honored you included her, and if she needs to, she’ll find a nice way to explain sleeping in a tent with no toilet just isn’t her thing.
- Find creative ways to tell her that you love her.
Yes, even after you’ve tried and succeeded at showering her with love in all the ways she has pointed to, there’s still room for more. Because you never know, you may just discover something that no one has ever done for her before. So how could she have even known how good it would make her feel?
Think outside the box. Again, these don’t have to be huge expressions or be experiences that cost a lot. It really is the thought that counts.
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Allow yourself to make mistakes and admit to them. Allow yourself to be real and true and not hide any of yourself from her. Don’t be afraid to cry. And don’t be afraid to let her cry, too.
- Don’t ever take her for granted.
Right? The final rule that must be adhered to, but that you won’t even have to ever worry about ever again if you do all these other steps. These awesome human being things will demonstrate to her every day that you could never take her for granted because she is your love.
What it all comes down to is you caring about her and your relationship. If you just try adding one of these techniques to your daily repertoire, many of the others will likely just fall into place on their own.
As soon as you start making a greater effort to make it impossible for her to not love you forever, you’ll find her doing those things that will make you love her forever, too.
Someone’s got to be the instigator of the love fest, so really, why not you? And why not now?
This article originally appeared on Your Tango. For more like this from Your Tango, try:
Photo credit: Pexels