I’m no expert on women.
In fact, after a divorce, it would be fair to say that I failed miserably with the woman in my life.
Just like how you create time for anything else you value in your life, you have to create time for the woman in your life.
Upon further reflection, however, I learned a few things about how to treat, love and care for the woman I am with. It may have been too late for my marriage, but it isn’t too late for my next relationship. Or for your next relationship.
You could say that mistakes and failures in relationships are the keys to learning, growth and understanding. The worse you are at relationships, the better you can understand them.
It’s true what they say – failure is the breeding ground for success.
Based on my own experiences and having checked in with women I know, here are 11 ways to make a woman feel loved.
1. Make time for her consistently.
A woman feels loved when you make time for and prioritize her in your life. I’ve seen a lot of men who tend to create lots of time for women during the dating process, but not once we’re in a relationship with them.
Just like how you create time for anything else you value in your life, you have to create time for the woman in your life. Make it time that’s dedicated exclusively to her – fun nights out, game nights at home, or joint adventures with friends.
Creating time for the woman in your life helps her feel important, cared for and loved. If you continually date and woo her, she won’t feel taken for granted.
2. Appreciate her.
Most women go out of their way to nurture, care for and serve the people they care most about. So much of their work and giving is ignored. Simple appreciation for what she means to you can make a world of difference to her.
Society has spent generation after generation creating an “ideal” mold that all women should fit into.
There are so many things women do that we take for granted. Thoughtful gestures, healing touch, passionate kiss, care for children, or thoughtfulness toward family are just some of the many things a man can appreciate about the woman in his life.
3. Acknowledge her.
Notice what she did and let her know that you appreciate it. A thoughtful gesture, kind word or small gift will help her feel appreciated.
Take your gratitude practice up a notch by looking for what you can appreciate about the woman you’re with, not what you can criticize her for.
4. Accept her for who she is.
Appreciate her for the best version of herself instead of reminding her of her flaws. The simplest way to love a woman is to accept her for who she is – no need to change her or wish she were different. No need to tell her that she doesn’t measure up or is insufficient in some way.
Society has spent generation after generation creating an “ideal” mold that all women should fit into. Society tells women what to do, what to eat, how to look and even how to dress. Just because news, media and culture harass women and get them to conform doesn’t mean that you should.
Tell your woman you love her unconditionally and accept her completely for who she is – no improvement needed.
5. Let go of trying to change her.
Along the same lines of accepting her is learning to let go of trying to change her in the relationship. You can’t expect or demand that a woman be a certain way in your relationship.
You can’t change a woman. The best way to help a woman become the best version of herself is through compassion, understanding and kindness.
Instead of attempting to change her or to get her to become someone she’s not, work on becoming the best person you can be. Work on your growth, your desire to change her, and how to let go of that desire.
6. Cultivate compassion.
Part of accepting her involves compassion and understanding for what she’s going through.
Compassion means understanding her challenges, her upbringing, and the difficulties she’s experiencing in daily life. Compassion means being present, being empathetic, and being forgiving – it’s seeing where she’s coming from.
It’s not having to be right all the time. It’s letting her do things the way she wants to do them.
Compassion is putting yourself in her shoes. Compassion is seeing things from her perspective. Compassion is being there for her or being thoughtful toward her as she’s experiencing a life challenge. Compassion can involve simply creating space for her or holding her for comfort.
7. Offer a listening ear.
Women, more so than most men, love to talk as a way of expressing themselves, as a way of sharing and even as a way of loving.
One easy way for us to love them is to listen to them without trying to fix them, help them, or troubleshoot for them. Listening without judgment or advice helps people feel heard and seen.
In our society, we usually engage in two-way conversations; we always want to respond, fix something or offer advice. Instead, try listening with empathy to help a women express herself and be who she is.
8. Show openness and honesty.
When you do converse, nothing can make a woman feel more loved than honesty.
Women, I’ve found, value this quality more than almost any other one. Being able to have an honest conversation, share deep and intimate thoughts and have an open conversation allows women to feel safe.
Turn offs include hiding information, not being completely truthful or outright lying about something. Women can usually deal with whatever it is you say to them, but they feel hurt and betrayed when you lie or hide the truth.
Opt for more honesty in all parts of your life so that you’re living more of your truth with the woman in your life.
9. Be vulnerable with her.
Women feel loved when you share your feelings and your experiences – positive and negative – with them. They don’t want to hear your every fear and worry, but they do want to hear what you’re struggling with and your challenges.
Just as much as they appreciate your being there for them, they want to be there for you. Sharing your vulnerability gives the woman in your life a chance to comfort you, nurture you and love you.
Women understand how difficult it is for men to open up, so opening up to her helps her feel special, needed and loved.
10. Commit to being a better partner.
The best thing you can do for her – and for you – is to become the best version of yourself. Grow, learn and work on improving yourself. Work on eliminating bad habits and becoming emotionally stronger and more vulnerable.
You may be doing a lot of personal development work, but also work on becoming a better partner in your relationship. Read books on becoming a better man, attend workshops about being a better partner and try counseling if you think it will help you work through old patterns and harmful tendencies.
What has she really appreciated that you’ve done for her before?
When you commit to becoming a better version of yourself, women get the benefits of a better you. Healing your emotional wounds, becoming a better listener, and being more present in your life are all big wins for her.
11. Show small acts of thoughtfulness.
It doesn’t seem like fancy trips or heroic declarations of love impress most women. More than heroism and grand gestures, it’s the small, everyday acts of thoughtfulness and care that seem to matter most.
Thinking about small ways to show appreciation, to make her life easier or to anticipate what she needs are just some of the ways you can show her how much you love her.
What does she need help with?
What would brighten her day?
What has she really appreciated that you’ve done for her before?
Consciously think of small ways to improve her life – things like putting away your own clothes or the dishes in the kitchen seem to make a much bigger difference to women than you can imagine.
Shower her with small notes, affection, and light physical touch.
Yes, women like to be praised, appreciated and loved with words.
You don’t have to be a Shakespearean Romeo to tell your woman how much you appreciate her. You don’t need to write poems or declare your love in the public square. Small love notes, words of appreciation and greeting cards that share your feelings can warm her heart and improve your relationship.
Show her affection by holding her and touching her the way she likes to be touched. Do things that she enjoys. Be thoughtful of her needs and more aware of her feelings.
Start today. See what happens.
Good article. You need to be a helper to a woman as well. Women love it when you offer to assist them do their chores or anything they are doing. That add more love and fun to your marriage.
You forgot the most important part that any women craves more then chocolate – hug. There is something almost magical about hug, it’s not only a stong bonding tool with your S.O. it’s also so soothing, caming, relaxing…in hug all your pieces come together. Being huged from our man makes us feel secure and loved. For me it’s the higest on the list what makes me feel loved.
My husband and I have been married for three years and we have three kids. I was pregnant and devastated with our fourth child when I found out about his secret affair, I discovered he was always hiding his phone from me, staying out night outside, as a pregnant woman, i need his attention and care, he made me feel less of a woman when i needed him the most, my condition got worst every day by day, i could not help it but find who will take me out of my miserable condition, i contact [email protected] com to save… Read more »
I don’t understand the listening but not helping part. It makes no sense to me. For instance if my girlfriend is complaining about problems at work I am just supposed to listen and not offer a solution if I have one? What does that solve? Even if she feels better after getting it off her chest, the problem will still exist tomorrow and she will always be unhappy. When somebody has a problem that is upsetting them it’s probably safe to assume they don’t want that problem in their life any more. I agree you should listen to them and… Read more »
It’s not your problem to solve. She tells you work drama to vent not save her. She’s capable of fixing her problems but a lot of the time when you say things out loud and get it out to someone who’s not judging and not commenting it gives you a chance to fic things on your own
You are thinking like a man. And you are expecting your girl to behave like a man. I advise you to read “Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus.” When a woman talk she just want to talk and she just want you to listen and validate her feelings about the problems she is talking about. She just want you to tell her in a nutshell: “You have the right to feel that way, and I empathize you.” That’s it. Don’t offer any solution or anything. We men are different. We only talk about our problems when we are… Read more »
She is not saying what is logical thing to do. But what women wants.
Trust me women and logic don’t go hand in hand.
This is all well and good advice but it’s not as simple as this. My current wife wants far more different things than my past.. it’s a big vast gray area with NO clear cut answers. The suggestions provided are useless with my current wife. She wants me strong hard working protective financially secure and responsible and good father and faithful to her only. To her that proves I love her she doesn’t want to hear my emotions or want trinket or her ass kissed. She wants to be physical and very sexual and to take care of her needs.… Read more »
I read some testimonies about a love spell caster by Dr.Ozama on how he has helped lots of people in bringing back their ex lovers within 14 days, Sincerely I was just thinking if that was real and if this man could really help bring back my lover whom I love so much. I decided to contact him because I love my boyfriend very much and we have been apart for a couple of months I really missed him so much, I have tried all other means to get him back but couldn’t. I contacted Dr.Ozama and he told me… Read more »
you forgot to mention money. you dont need to be affectionate to a woman, or care for her or whisper sweet nothing or any of the above if you have money she can spend. especially indian women…they really love your money.
Wow this is also the way sane people deal with mentally unbalanced people
Nothing last forever… Love or feelings will fade away. It’s better to always be yourself and expect nothing in return. What I learned in a relationship is, it’s better to be with someone who love you just a little bit more
My girlfriend absolutely hates chocolate. She thinks it tastes disgusting and it also makes her teeth hurt as well.
Mine too! Really low on her list, as in rock bottom!
These all apply to men as well
You’re right. Men also feel loved by many of these ways.
nobody care about men :/
I tried all the above.. but still she is no more with me.. and she is not a witch or something.. so these fundamentals dont apply in all cases.. but yes I love your blog and I am happy that next one will stay with me for life.
Nice post Vishnu! I have observed that at times men and women fail to understand each other because of the conditioning. From childhood we are told to behave in a certain way with the other gender. This conditioning is so strong that even if a couple wants to get past over their differences they can’t do so and the conversations or fights keeps on going in one preset direction which eventually leads to dissatisfaction . I believe if we teach our children to be see and perceive the other gender as a human first and then a boy or girl… Read more »
Good points and insights Deepti. I like this way of thinking that leads to empathy, compassion and understanding between the sexes. Society might not change but each person, couple, family can make changes. Thank you for your comment.
No man does this now unfortunately. .everyone is selfish and only think about themselves ??
I know a couple who do Anju 🙂 And hopefully this inspires a few more. Thanks for chiming in.
These are wonderful tips and I believe each one really does work. Sharing your wisdom here on this subject really shows that you’re not afraid to be vulnerable, Vishnu. Nice work!!
Thank you Lisa! I’m glad to hear it resonates and these tips work:) Thank you for dropping by and your comment.
Women are not unicorns.
Then again, neither are men.
Yes, we should all be making our partner a priority.
But my own experiences were summed up pretty good by Richard Aubrey.
Consistently making her needs your priority will make her take YOU for granted.
hi there, thank you for sharing your perspective and experiences of Richard Aubrey. We each have to do what works for us. I was on one end of the spectrum (non-attentive and didn’t make her a priority at all) but have learned some lessons since and striving to do better.
Appreciate your comments.
As much as I would like to, I couldn’t deny this.
There is truth in what you said.
There’s a thin line in being generous and being a doormat. Just too difficult to distinguish.
Good one, Vishnu…practical advice!
Thanks Alok for reading and your comments.
Absolutely, Vishnu. We learn every day.
Various relationship advice suggests that the first time in forever a guy does the dishes, he’s HAWT.
If he does them all the time, he’s a wimp and everybody knows it.
Somewhere in there is a truth, but I suspect nobody would want to go there.
Richard – women are not perfect or even always consistent. (Either are men.) But this article was really awesome and wonderful and it’s worth listening to. So you’re right because I don’t want to go ‘there’. Because it would be nice if you could validate the truth of this piece instead of looking to make women the bad guys.
Vishnu – Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! These are exactly the things that make me feel loved and cared for in a relationship. Your article made me cry – in a good way. Thank you.
Thanks for your kind words Erin. I’m glad it resonated and I’m glad you liked the post. Thanks again for reading.
Romance is putting your dishes in the dishwasher. Sometimes that’s all it takes, just effort. Listening too. There are times when I have little idea what she is talking about,or why she is so upset. and find myself just looking intently and nodding on cue until I get it. There are other times when I already have a solution in my head…but have learned that if she wants a solution she will ask for a solution. If she does not, just listen and…well..nod on cue. if one loves his woman, I mean really loves her as she may love him,… Read more »
Appreciate the kind words DJ and glad you’re already doing many of the things mentioned in the post. I think what you said is you’re learning from your relationship and that we all can learn and improve our relationships by taking more proactive steps. We can each keep getting better at love and relationships.
Great article, and this actually related to something that I told two male clients: learning how to validate and just listen to the women in their life. That can make a huge difference. Understanding where someone is coming from can make a huge difference.
I know for me-someone that accepts me as I am and can make me feel good increases my attraction to them. Someone that criticizes me or doesn’t seem to make an effort to understand can be a relationship killer.
THanks Rupali yes to understanding and acceptance!! super important skills to help any woman feel loved. And actually, a couple qualities that would helps any man feel loved too 🙂
These sure work for me! Hope a lot of men (and women) will take your advice to heart. It can’t help but improve any relationship!
THanks Martha – appreciate the kind words! I hope others find it helpful too 🙂