Guys – are you feeling left out of the “ridiculously silly and impractical” Halloween costume market? Never fear.
A couple weeks ago, we featured sexy Halloween costumes so ridiculous it’s confusing, which was hilarious and… well, confusing. (Sexy corn, anyone? Sexy elephant? Sexy hamburger?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!) On the ladies’ side of the aisle, it’s clear there are a cornucopia of options for Halloween costumes that qualify as both sexy and ridiculous. Which inspired me to do some digging and find out what insanity was out there for the fellas, and let me tell you — oh BOY did I find some doozies! Twelve to be exact.
Turns out dressing sexy on Halloween isn’t just for XX chromosomes. These insanely over-the-top offerings prove that October 31 can be an equal opportunity objectification fest.
Maybe it’s your fantasy to go from house to house frightening unassuming normies with costumes that are borderline obscene. Or maybe your plans include a rave or just a two-person bump n’ grind. If so, then by all means, buy any of these 12 delightfully campy costumes, because they’re exactly what the doctor ordered (cough). But even if you’re looking for something a little less campy — well, you’re still gonna want to take a gander at this compilation of sexy men’s Halloween costumes because at minimum: LOLZ. Lots and lots of LOLZ.
2. PLAYING DOCTOR
His AOL screen name is shirtless4lyfe, and he’s a sexy medicine man who’s ready to operate. ($28.99, 3wishes.com)
3. HUGH JABONE
HUGH JABONE!!! I hope the person who came up with this delightful pun is smiling smugly in his or her cubicle. I also hope, nay pray to see a grown man strutting around in this on Halloween. Obvs for real wild men only. ($44.99, 3wishes.com)
4. AIR FORCE MARSHAL
5. FURRY POLAR BEAR COSTUME
This is the sexy costume trifecta: you can wear it for Halloween… and then again for Coachella… and then again for Burning Man. ($68.95,yandy.com)
6. MALE COP
You can see the outline of every donut this guy’s ever eaten… and that’s not all. Arrest me for looking, Officer! ($66.95, 3wishes.com)
7. PLAID KILT
8. HEAVY HOSE
“Oh fireman! There’s a fire in my pants, and I need you to put it out with your BIG FAT HOSE.” ($46.95, 3wishes.com)
It’s Xena Warrior Princess! Seriously, the resemblance is uncanny. And let’s be honest: on a primitive level, you’re tooootally into it. ($64.95,3wishes.com)
10. GUILTY PLEASURE SINGLET
This guy runs prison, OK? He’s both the officer and the offender. And he’s not ashamed of what he’s done — he’s got “GUILTY” written all over him. ($44.95, 3wishes.com)
11. LMFAO SKY BLU I’M SEXY COSTUME
“And when I’m at the beach, I’m in a Speedo trying to tan my cheeks.” Yeah, he’s sexy and he knows it. ($15, partycity.com)
12. FANTASY ISLAND
Dear god, do not let anyone you love wear this in public. One is required to guard his or her nether regions with more than three gauzy faux feathers at all times — it’s an unwritten social rule. Even on Halloween. ($28.99, 3wishes.com)
About the author
This article originally appeared on Bustle.