But hey, screw it. What’s life without a little adventure?
The fact of the matter is we discuss desirable traits of men on this website far more than desirable traits of women. Fortunately, I have recently had my eyes opened to some amazing qualities that a woman can possess which make a man take her much more seriously when it comes to envisioning a real future together.
When it comes to actually considering whether or not a man would marry a woman…what does he factor into his decision making process?
She moves past petty jealousies.
While some jealousy [protectiveness] is natural in a relationship, it’s important that both partners are secure enough in themselves and each other to know where to focus their energy.
A mature woman will allow the man in her life to have his freedom, providing he doesn’t betray her trust.
She is intellectually challenging.
There is no denying that someone’s looks are what initially draws us to them. It’s difficult to spot a great personality from across the room. Many a fling was built on physical attraction alone, but how long can it last?
When conversations lack depth or intrigue, we often fill our time with physical activity together, but it is impossible to build a real connection or lasting relationship with someone on that alone. Being intellectually challenging and having the ability to hold real discussions about meaningful topics, will always trump shallow beauty in the long run.
She is honest and genuine.
How long will you stay in a committed relationship with a beautiful or handsome liar? If you cannot trust your partner or believe what they say, how can you construct a solid, lasting foundation with them? You can’t.
She is empathetic.
Being compassionate, supportive, and encouraging towards your partner is a huge part of building a successful relationship. Nobody wants a person who is a “Debbie Downer” all the time and will not support them in their endeavors or their times of need.
She is ambitious.
In addition to supporting and encouraging you pursuing your own goals and dreams, she will have her own as well. A mature woman has a vision for her future and chases after it with voracity.
A mature woman will be someone you can take on the world with. A partner in crime, a teammate in your relationship, and in life.
She is consistent.
Being consistent is a valuable virtue because it lets your partner know that you really are who you are. You haven’t sent your “representative” to get to know them during the first couple of months of dating, but then suddenly transform once they’ve committed themselves to you.
To clarify the point, think of consistency as the opposite of volatility. If someone is unpredictable and volatile, it’s difficult to know how they will be acting towards you on a certain day, and that gets old no matter how aesthetically pleasing she is.
She puts in effort for you.
I am all about giving in relationships. I believe seeing your significant other happy should also make you happy – but it is important to understand that it goes both ways.
Her putting in effort doesn’t have to be much. It can be something as simple as slipping the waiter her debit card to pay for dinner. It’s no secret that sometimes the romance wears off of longer term relationships, but you shouldn’t let it – and neither should she.
If a woman continues to do what she knows attracted you in the first place, even after she got you a long time ago, it shows she cares about keeping you around.
She carries herself with class.
I’ve said it before, and I will say it again. Class has nothing to do with the price tag on your outfit. Class is about the dignity you carry yourself with and the level of respect you show to those around you.
It doesn’t matter what kind of car someone is driving, what part of town they live in, or what brand of clothing they’re wearing – if they have an ugly attitude and embarrass others in public, none of it matters.
She is family oriented.
Before I get heat from people who say that not everyone is close to their family and that doesn’t make them a bad person or whatever – that goes without saying. Let’s keep in mind that I speak from my own perspective and to me, a woman who values both her and my family is important when considering a long term future. I’m sure most men who someday want a family of their own would agree with me.
She holds similar values as you.
This is often an extension of the family-oriented point in the beginning, because many times our value system comes from our upbringing. The things we find important (or not), the things we believe in strongly (or not), the way we treat others, and ourselves. It doesn’t matter how attracted you are to someone or even how well you get along, if your values don’t align, you will always be clashing in the long term.
She works to improve herself.
Whether it be committing to reading a new book or watching a documentary on a topic she wants to learn more about, a mature woman is always looking to improve in order to live a happier life.
In a generation of photoshop and ultra-thin fashion models, there is so much emphasis on improving the body that we cannot forget to also improve the mind.
She inspires you to be the best version of yourself, without changing who you are.
This is an identical point to the last one in the male version of this article, because it is equally true for both genders. A woman will empower those around her. She will strive for greatness and therefore inspire others to strive for it as well. This not only includes friends and co-workers, but also significant others.
As Mark Twain said – Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Gentlemen, we all know that women like this are hard to find. If you are fortunate enough to get her attention, make sure you do what it takes to make her feel special, every day.
Needless to say, every man likely has a different ‘checklist’ for what he is looking for in the woman that he would consider potentially making his wife someday, but my instinct tells me one would be hard-pressed to find a guy who didn’t agree with the points listed here.
The only thing as good as finding this type of woman, is what happens in your life after you do.
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Originally appeared on James M. Sama’s blog
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What if we like each other but she is with someone else?
Some truly wonderful posts on this website, thank you for contribution.
I really love this article of yours. I am a girl and am single. I feel like thats how I am to the guy/young pastor I love. Thanks to you James Michael.
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Could you elaborate on values? What kind of values need to be aligned?
I see from Ann’s comment, the fight to tell you what makes a woman marriage material. However, I 100% agree with your article. These qualities are what it will take for a man to decide for himself, to commit to that one woman for the rest of his natural life and minimise the risk of divorce. Men need consistency in a woman’s kindness and empathy. For long-term romance, men need a more conservative woman, who really will only show herself to him and keeps herself only for him. While reading through your comments section here, I see that women disagree… Read more »
Part of being a woman is to be inconsistent – we change with our cycles, etc. And that should be celebrated, not seen as an undesirable quality.
Among this 12 points 2 points are not seeing in a lady I date.What should I do?
Cut your loses and run for the mountains!
Humour in times of seriousness is not a good trait especially on such important matters. If she really has almost all of them then consider her almost perfect!
As a man I always try to improve myself and try to look my best so that my future woman can be proud of me. I want a woman who would do the same for me. Yes, men are visual. Just because we know what we like does not mean that we are shallow. Women need to stop getting angry when a man suggests that they join them at the gym. It means that the man thinks you have the potential of being his life partner. If he doesn’t want you he would not waste his time.
I dream of a girl who respects me and that goes both ways. If she is happy with me she would not be seeking the attention of men in public while going out with me. She can talk to anyone but she should also show that she is happy being with me. We should be able to talk about anything to each other even if we don’t always agree. Most important she should be responsible with money and be able to discuss money matters with me.
Thank you for your inspirational reply. It made me smile ????
Hi John my name is Jamie I really like what you said, i agree with what you wrote, i not only look for those things in a man but thats how i am personally. I read thru comments but normally don’t reply to them. In this case I am because caught my attention & wanted to confirm there are women out there who are genuinely like that, i know i am.
Anyway you posted this over 4 mths ago but if you happen to get this I’d love to hear back from you.
Hello Jamie, l would like to know you more better. Please contact me. Thanks.
i dream about a girl whom am not in love with and i feel i really need her ,what should i do
seems you can sum ‘what makes marriage material’ into:
1. she is a genuinely nice person (nothing you question / can’t easily overlook)
2. you are happy being around her (intellectually exciting, synergy)
that’s my take on the article and the criticism in the comments. also, I’m relatively young and haven’t really dated (not that I care too much), so there’s that.
What a great article. 🙂
Well written article. Pretty basic, standard traits both partners should have for a successful marriage.
Omg. Im a human. Gimme a break. Anyone who can find anyone like that is dead and in Heaven. He’s lucky if I make him dinner. I’m lucky if puts the dishes in the sink. This article is stupid.
That’s why you are going to be sad and alone for a long time…
She sounds great! I’d love to meet her!
Well it is very true that many of us are Not Single by choice.
btw,
In the example I used off the top of my head, I’m aware these characteristics don’t necessarily go hand in hand. Just like an alcoholic doesn’t always abuse, there are happy ones too! It was just an example, and not a true one at that 😉
Hi James, I certainly appreciate your perspective…and thank you for braving the harsh and disrespectful remarks. I may not agree with you wholly, since I do agree with what Bry said, but I can see how this is helpful to someone who doesn’t have the life experience under his belt or intuitive sense to know and recognize certain values in a woman that would facilitate a more harmonious coupling. For example, if a man only knew he wanted a playful, innocent yet mischievous love would he be accepting of the fact that she was inconsistent, flaky, and susceptible infidelity? Again,… Read more »
Reading through this ‘article’ you could be forgiven that the ONLY thing this male truly values in a woman is ‘aesthetics’ BUT he is forcing himself to describe other possible qualities?
A completely ingenuine attempt. And a whimpy one too.
it is a good advice
A woman that has all of these attiributes is a very hard find… and a man may very well waste his time trying to find this woman.. he might not find her at all.. if a woman comes and it feels right, and you know 100 percent in your heart that she’s the one, then go ahead and marry her.. you dont have to check her first if she has these qualities.. she may not have all of these qualities (nobody’s perfect anyway), but thats just perfect as she can get for you.. and you alone.. Shout out to my… Read more »
Seems to me a person who has those traits–male or female–is a healthy person capable of fulfilling the responsibilities of one end of a healthy relationship.
FYI, my heart knows jack; it’s just a muscle in my chest that functions as a pump.
im a loving man who is craving to feel the attention from a woman , im 40 years old and two children 8 and 9, and some what disabled , there’s nothing that I can’t deal with, but feel alone , I make enough money , but no one is interested in a man like me to love a woman like you
Well…. I’m one of these women and am still single at age 41… despite doing the footwork to meet people.
So I’m turning this back around and asking, where are the *men* who have these qualities?
This is the sort of response we get when men focus on men’s issues on GMP. There are hundreds of articles about how men should act / change to suit women on here. Perhaps you should open your mind to what men want in partners instead of getting offended that we even have requirements?
Hello. Would like to know you more better. Kindly contact me please.