When it comes to relationships, effort and commitment don’t always equal a happy union.
The truth is, we can damage our relationships by making mistakes that can jeopardize even the strongest of bonds. Many of us make these mistakes unknowingly, while also ignoring the potentially damaging behavior of our partners.
Thus, it’s imperative to perceive and resolve these problems before they threaten the strength of our partnerships. Here are some common mistakes that can become an everyday occurrence, putting your relationship at risk.
1. Not taking care of your appearance
To some, this may seem superficial, but the time and effort you put into your appearance often reflect your inherent values toward your relationship.
Let me explain, If you stop making an effort to look after yourself, it comes across as though you do not have any enthusiasm or focus on improving yourself. It also cultivates the idea that looking good for your partner isn’t of great importance to you.
This lack of care could make things turn sour after a while, especially if your partner is a more focused individual who feels that self-image is an integral part of who they are.
2. Being financially irresponsible
Money makes the world go round, but it can grind your relationship to a halt, especially if you’re arguing about being wasteful with cash.
Sidestep this issue by showing your partner that you can be more responsible with your finances.
Another issue is focusing only on your finances, this splits the dynamic in your relationship so that you’re less of a team and you can come across as uncaring toward your partner.
By planning together you can reassure your other half that you have a future together, doing so will make them feel more secure in your relationship while helping you have some cash squirreled away if it’s ever needed.
3. Having no other interests outside of your relationship
If you get sucked into an all-consuming focus on your partner, you’ll be unable to see anything outside of your relationship.
This can stunt your emotional growth and general development as a person, ultimately leading you to experience negative emotions like fear, anxiety, and paranoia.
To avoid this from happening, remind yourself of how you used to spend time before you got together. Instead of smothering your partner, spend more time on your interests, and you will both feel more relaxed.
4. Creating a codependent relationship
When one or both parties in a relationship fail to cultivate outside interests, it will quickly lead to codependency. In a relationship like this, your source of confidence and your idea of self-worth come exclusively from your partner. Instead of trusting in yourself, you are always looking for validation having no real sense of self.
Of course, interdependence can be helpful in certain situations. In sports, business, and art, people depend on each other and come together as a whole to achieve a greater goal. However, you can’t afford to lose yourself. You must hold on to your identity to avoid becoming too reliant on your partner.
5. Acting like you’re single
While you should steer clear of the dangers of a codependent relationship, don’t take it to the extreme. The last thing you should do is a total 180, acting like you’re not even in a relationship.
If you go around behaving like a singleton, you’re disrespecting your partner, invalidating their feelings, and treating your relationship as unimportant. Always keep in mind that you are part of a loving union and be willing to compromise. When two people love and support each other and interact positively with one another, they forge a fulfilling relationship, balance is therefore key.
6. Being insecure or overly sensitive
Feeling down, depressed, or even worthless at times can happen to us all. Negative thoughts and emotions like this affect how we see the world and how we act.
In a relationship, these negative feelings can be more problematic as they can trigger insecurity, jealousy, and self-doubt. Even when you have a loving partner, there’s a limit. They can’t take on a near-constant stream of negative emotions while also trying to avoid your triggers, particularly if they can’t see a reason for it.
Feelings of this type are likely to be rooted in past relationship failures, but you must recognize this and strive to break past these patterns. By focusing on the reality of your situation and seeing how you may be affecting your relationship, you can learn from the experience.
7. Showing a lack of affection
Everyone’s different, some people love kisses and cuddles, while others struggle with physical intimacy.
This isn’t necessarily a big problem, but you still need to reach an understanding, showing that you do care by displaying affection in any way you’re able to.
Without affection, your partner will start to feel less important to you, causing you to drift apart. Holding hands, cuddling or even hugs are all great ways to show affection without bringing the physicality to an uncomfortable level.
8. Excessive criticism and nagging
An overabundance of negative criticism and nagging will get on everyone’s nerves, even if you’ve been together for a while.
A lot of factors contribute to this, the main one being that it reinforces negative emotions, looking only at your partner’s shortcomings and brushing past all that they bring to the relationship, resentment can cultivate as a result of this. Communication also suffers, the more this goes on, one person is continually asking for something and the other ignores them.
The best thing to do is to be proactive, be clear when asking for help or making a request, and use positive reinforcement to be patient and empathetic as well. Your partner might need a minute to collect their thoughts.
9. Lack of attention or lack of communication skills
As I mentioned earlier, an ongoing lack of affection may impede your relationship.
An example of this is when one person in the relationship doesn’t get their attention reciprocated by their partner, at the very least it’s a failure of communication, not sharing thoughts, hopes, and fears.
In our modern age, technology is continuously advancing, causing many people to develop a fixation, which means couples are giving more time and attention to their phones and social media than they are to each other.
Therefore, realizing that technology might be affecting your relationship is a big step in the right direction. From there, you need to focus on being present in your conversations, giving tech a break as you spend quality time with one another.
10. Being dishonest
Everybody lies, it could be that you’re trying to impress somebody with an exaggerated story, or maybe you’re trying to cover up a mistake.
Most of the time, these can be called little white lies, and by all accounts, they shouldn’t cause any lasting problems. However, you can’t forget that lying is a highly compulsive behavioral trait that can quickly snowball, having far-reaching consequences and hurting your relationship.
Hopefully, this won’t go as far as infidelity, but even an ever-expanding string of Lies can take control, sowing seeds of distrust and poking holes in the foundation of any bond no matter the strength. Honestly, truth is the best policy in this situation.
Be open and truthful with your significant other and rely on the strength of your relationship. Having the guts to admit when you’ve made a mistake will cast you in a good light in the eyes of your partner. So if you genuinely want a lasting bond, be trusting and truthful.
11. Following impulses and compulsions
Lying is just one of many compulsive behaviors that can destroy relationships.
If we are experiencing unhappiness or discord in our relationships, the likelihood of turning to compulsive behaviors rises as we turn to a particular habit or activity, hoping to find relief and respite. How this takes shape is specific to each person, it could be anything from indulging in too much alcohol to gambling, or even obsessive shopping trips.
These moments of weakness reveal how you might feel in your relationship. The more you overindulge in potentially harmful behavior, the less important your relationship and partner will appear to be to you, especially as you can open up about the feelings behind your impulsive actions.
The solution is to reach out to your significant other, leaning on your partner is not a sign of weakness, but one of strength. And when they see the trust you’re placing in them, it will reinforce your relationship.
12. Refusing to say sorry
Last but not least, mutual respect is vital, no relationship can endure without it.
Respect can be a subtle concept, but one of the easiest examples is accepting when you’re wrong. Being ready to say sorry if you need to, and feel remorse over your actions. This exemplifies your honest and mature nature, you listen to what your partner has to say instead of insisting on being right all the time.
If apologies stick in your throat though, you might be in trouble. After all, people won’t be in a hurry to stay in a relationship where they don’t feel valued or heard.
Now that you know these common mistakes that can tank a relationship, make sure to avoid them at all costs by building a relationship on trust, openness, and sincerity. You and your partner can create a strong and lasting bond that can stand the test of time.
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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