Trying to understand his son, Sean Swaby discovered that teenagers are just like cats.
My teenage son and I have serious talks about women, about relationships and about life. After a week of listening to his stories of teenage drama, I realized that I don’t get teenagers. I know that I am smart because every day I tell myself “I am smart and I know things.” I must know things because I have managed to make it this far without burning down the house, losing our children or getting lost in the bathroom.
But when it comes to teenage drama, I have a brain cell deficit. I needed some help, so I talked with The Cat. The Cat explained that teenagers are just like cats. Because I am generous, I will share with you what I have learned.
The 14 Rules for Understanding Teenagers and Cats
1. I like to glare at you. It’s just how I roll. I practice the look of death when you are not home. Get used to it.
2. Don’t look at me. Just don’t.
3. I will let you look at me if you are more cool than I am. If you need to ask, you are not cool.
4. Don’t talk to me unless I let you talk to me. You will know when you can enter my presence when I give you The Nod.
5. You are not allowed to interrupt me, but I will interrupt you.
6. Don’t be near me. When you are near me, I get confused and I cannot think. But if I sit on your lap and claw you, that mean’s I am ready for some cuddles.
7. If I let you be near me, just sit there quietly. Being in my presence is enough.
8. Don’t talk to me, or pet me, when other people are near me.
9. I know everything and you know nothing. Even if you have a Master’s Degree, I know more than you. About everything. Especially about relationships. At 15, I know how to express myself completely. Don’t miss it because I am awesome.
10. When I talk, I make complete sense. You may not understand anything I am saying, but that is your problem. And you have a lot of problems.
11. Cats and teenagers have nine lives, because there are a lot of people in here. I have names for the people inside of me: Cuddly, Friendly, Helpful, Shy, The Claw, Cool, Freak, The Other Freak, and Girl Zombie (see #12).
12. When girls are around, I become the Girl Zombie. I am fall under their spell and I become a Zombie.
13. The rules are logical. If you don’t understand them, go back and review rules 1-6.
14. The rules will change without notice and violators will be clawed. No exceptions.
Keep it real
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