He ‘blew it’ the first time. Now he wants his Ex-Wife back. Allana Pratt, Intimacy Expert tells him what it’s going to take…
Q: My ex-wife is giving me a second chance and if I blow it, that’s it. We fought so much the first time around because we are so different. I, now, have changed and she says she has changed too. How can we make this work, the second time, for the sake of our family because we have two kids.
A: I really honor you for wanting to give it your best shot, to be willing to give it a second chance.
Even within a marriage, even if you didn’t get a divorce and are trying to make it work again, there are some doozies people have to work through so good on you! Let’s talk about the foundation of your question: “If I blow it, that’s it!” – that kind of thinking is fear-based, not love-based. You are in a contracted state – you are walking on egg shells. You’re giving your power away, you are not open, free or expanded. This is setting you up for failure before you even start. Why not let go of this? Why not come from limitless possibilities? Why not know you are an amazing man no matter if it works or not? Why not trust that you being your best self, and she being her best self, wether together or apart, will support the kids? Pressure off, yes? Open up to your worth, open up to her worth, and open up to the possibility of what this is going to take.
You said you argued a lot and the cause was because you were so different. Do a little work on how each of you would like to be communicated with and find a way that work for both of you. Do some practice runs before an issue pops up. Maybe both of you like to be acknowledged in a certain way that hasn’t been consistent. Maybe both of you like to be loved, or touched, or receive expressions of love in a certain way. Maybe each of you like to have a different way of dealing with a touchy issue – maybe one likes to sit on it and one likes to talk right away.
Find some middle ground, create a deal that works for both of you on how to have honoring arguments where you hit ‘above the belt’. Talk about money, talk about sex, be who you are in your life – make sure each of you are taking care of your dreams, goals, friends, etc. Make sure you WANT to support each other’s dreams, yes? Then if that ground is solid, give it another shot and don’t look back, burn the bridge, close the door… two feet in and no walking on egg shells.
Yes, and about the kids. Yes are totally worth it! Yet let’s not conclude being together or being apart makes them better people in the long run… we have no idea what their life plan is and how challenge can mold us into the fabulous leaders we are meant to me. Bottom line I believe is that they just want happy parents. You are up for creating peace and so that your children can thrive. I am impressed and they will feel it.
Now, HOW are you going to pull this off? If you are religious, there could be courses at your church that you could go through. A talented therapist with a solid track record would be great. As you coach, I would be honored to help you get to the core of what didn’t work last time, heal it at the root cause, then use the transformation as a spring-board from which to soar into a stronger marriage than ever.
I find trying to fix, repair or even improve the past… just keeps dragging the past with you. However, letting go of the past, healing the core issue, then from a clean slate CREATE what works for both of you… that’s the recipe for lasting success. Let’s build the foundation where you can enjoy great sex, flourishing money, healthy communication and thriving children, yes? To let go of the past, let of of walking on egg shells, let go of expectations and see her with fresh eyes, the best you can…. something that will immediately help is downloading my complementary report and video series at www.GetHerToSayYes.com.
There is no need to waste time, energy and money on another divorce. You CAN do this right the second time… better than ever, with you a noble badass and her a sexy radiant goddess. Congratulations on your willingness to have it all!