You fell in love with a guy, ready to give everything you have, and will definitely do anything for the relationship to work.
2 years down the road, you realize he isn’t worth it anymore. Because no matter how many sacrifices you made, it’d never be enough.
A case like this is typical. In fact, way more common in Asia lately.
Just like some men lost all their money to gold diggers, women also have this problem. The sad thing is women lose not only money but also pride, dignity, and pretty much everything else they have.
Sacrifices are needed to keep a relationship together. There’s no doubt about that. However, many women have made sacrifices when it’s not worth it.
And keep doing them only means you’re on the right path to losing yourself.
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Changing everything about you to please him
“It’s important that your partner clearly separates their own baggage and issues with what they’re asking you to change. If they’re the kind of person who doesn’t take care of themselves and only makes demands on others to try and enhance their mood, this is a bad sign.” — Brad Reedy
At this point, I’ve known too many women who try too hard to please men. Letting them know that it’s not a good idea has never worked.
Not until they returned to me and said how stupid they were for thinking the sacrifices would make the man stay.
Sadly, many women still do this.
They change their appearance, worry too much about it, are insecure about it, and think, ‘if I don’t try harder to make myself pretty, then he’ll find someone else’.
I’m a woman, and I get that feeling, too, sometimes. When a guy I liked rejected me, I took it as a sign that I wasn’t pretty enough for him.
Several years later, I asked him directly, and his answer was completely different than what I’d been thinking the whole time.
He didn’t want to be with me, but it wasn’t because I wasn’t pretty or smart enough. He didn’t think a long-distance relationship would work, so he never bothered to give it a try.
Changing yourself (everything about you) for the sake of pleasing or attracting men isn’t worth it because it’s too shallow. I haven’t met men who want to be with their partner just because she’s pretty.
When it comes to a long-term relationship, physical appearances are just a bonus. Most people want to prioritize personality and other practical aspects rather than focusing solely on appearance.
Quitting your job because you want to ‘devote’ fully to the relationship
“Stay true to yourself and your vision. Don’t let any one person’s opinion move you; listen, but be confident.” — Amanda Kahlow
A good partner (or a wife) doesn’t mean you should quit your job — especially when it’s truly your passion.
While I haven’t done this myself, I was raised by one. And I can’t tell how much she still regrets it ’til this day.
There’s a difference between genuinely wanting to quit because you have to take care of the and because you want to be seen as a devoted partner.
This happens all the time where I live (Indonesia). Some people, especially those in the small village, think women should quit whatever they’re doing and stay at home.
My brother’s female friends would spend 4 years in college and get married a week after they graduated.
While kudos to those who still prioritize education, the idea of having to stop chasing your dreams because you need to get married doesn’t sit well with me.
Because let’s be real, no one knows how long a relationship can last. Things can go south, and having the skill to look for your own money is the greatest thing you ever have.
Sacrificing it only to be with a man will cost you so much in the long run.
Sacrificing your dignity by begging for his commitment
“All too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding on to the commitment to you because you’re afraid he’s going to walk away and you’ll be alone again. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time.” — Steve Harvey
Nothing feels worse than having to beg for a man’s commitment.
“Do you want to be with me? Are you serious with me? Do you see a future in us?” — if you’ve been asking these types of questions to a man, you should stop.
I’ve been there. One experience is more than enough to teach me a lesson. The lesson is no man can suddenly commit to you just because you ask him to.
It never works that way.
Begging for his commitment will also lower your value. It’s a bitter truth to swallow, but think about it.
If you need to ask for it in the first place, how do you expect he’s going to put in the effort as same as you in the relationship?
Trust is needed in a long-term relationship, but respect is the main thing that keeps it healthy. And you can’t have that if you need to “check-up” every time on him, whether he’s committed or not.
Besides, someone who truly loves you won’t make you question those things in the first place. You simply feel secure in the relationship.
Final Thoughts
We need to make sacrifices in a relationship sometimes, but you should also know your limit. There’s no need to go above and beyond if the guy you’re with doesn’t want to do the same.
You might think your sacrifices will make them realize that you’re truly “the one”. However, that thinking is nothing but an illusion.
Stop romanticizing those kinds of situations where you’re getting hurt and hurt again by someone you love, yet you still stay.
I’ve been in both kinds of relationships; toxic and healthy ones. And I can assure you if he’s truly “the one”, you won’t have to make those sacrifices.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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