I know the look you have on your face right now if you’re in a new fresh relationship that is going well.
But.
I also know what your face looks like if you had something good and it fell apart.
New relationships are exciting.
You see a future with somebody when you had no clue they would come along.
While this is a new and exciting chapter, it is also a pivotal time in your dynamic.
Why?
Although this is one of the best periods of a new relationship, the power struggle phase comes next.
Don’t assume you will be bickering and fighting, but when the excitement simmers down, you’ll need a good structure to keep growing.
The honeymoon phase is a great time to relax, enjoy your new partner, and bond.
It is also a great time to avoid a couple of mistakes that can happen if you don’t pay attention.
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Hide and seek
Have you ever gone through a breakup, and by the end, you thought there were so many things you never knew about the person?
As we start a new relationship, people get to see the best of us; you’re happy, and nothing can go wrong.
It is why it is the honeymoon phase. It is not your everyday life.
One of the most important things to do early on in a relationship is to expose the side that you don’t necessarily want people to see.
Sharing fears, needs, and boundaries are at the core of what we are afraid to expose to people.
Having a conversation about someone’s needs and boundaries is not always easy.
The conversation needs to be toward action items that someone can accomplish to meet your needs and boundaries.
Think about this; if I sent you to the store and said, “I need bread,” what would you bring back? White? Wheat? Sandwich bread?
You would only be knowledgeable if I gave you more direction.
I hear relationships end under “I need more communication.”
Well, what does communication look like to you? What action item did you give your partner?
I am using communication as an example. Be detailed about your needs and boundaries and how you feel about someone meeting them.
Give your partner a vision of what meeting that need looks like to you in action.
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Say no
One of the hardest things to do in a new relationship is to say no. It is a multifaceted objective that you must complete.
You want to be someone who has the energy and is willing to do everything your partner wants to.
You want to let things slide that slightly annoy you.
You want to entertain and see each other as much as possible.
These are examples of things that will lead to you building resentment over time.
Saying no is not a form of disrespect. It is one of the most respectful things you can do in a new partnership.
It will lay the groundwork for your partner to get to know you on the next level.
If you do not learn to say no early, your response will become angrier over time.
A no will turn into a “NO!”
While it is essential to let your partner know what you like, it is more important to let them know what you dislike.
Avoiding the word no is spinning the dial on a ticking time bomb.
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What’s the status?
Have you ever been sitting in a circle of friends, and your relationship becomes the topic?
It’s all fun until someone asks, “so what are you?”
If you haven’t established the path that you’re taking, that question can be awkward to answer.
Make sure you are doing status check-ins on where you two are going.
Now, I am not saying to ask your new partner every week about the status of the relationship.
Be sure you two are on the same page and have defined a path and pace you are both comfortable with.
Some people go all in and become “boyfriend and girlfriend” in a few weeks.
Others need months for a relationship to find its foundation.
Communicating the cadence of a relationship and your expectations is another important piece of relationship building.
It is another way resentment can build if someone expects a different outcome over time.
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I love hearing that people have found happiness in a new relationship.
We have all been there at some point.
Up in the clouds and can’t be bothered.
Without covering the pillars above, that exciting relationship can quickly fade.
The issue is that without addressing these items above, negative impacts build.
People are often unaware of the issues in their relationship in this phase, and by the time they notice, it has blown up.
Don’t let the honeymoon blind you. There is still work to do.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Khamkéo Vilaysing on Unsplash
