Wondering why men are scared to commit? Yes, dating after 40 can be challenging. Whether it’s online or offline, the process requires a lot of effort and time, and often, you’re left with a feeling of defeat, rejection, and just plain exhaustion. But then, you find someone special online. You connect and start to fall for him, only to find out that your potential partner doesn’t want to become exclusive or label the relationship at all. I want you to avoid this potential pitfall. With that in mind, here are three reasons why men are scared to commit to a relationship.
1. There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea…and He’s a Fisherman
Although commitment can be a positive thing for most people, there are still certain negative aspects that turn some men away from going all in with a woman. For example, once a guy commits, he loses any potential opportunity to date other women. Some men, or shall we say immature boys want to keep their options open for as long as possible. It’s understandable why men are scared to commit, especially if they’re dating again after divorce. After a long marriage ends, it’s important to spend some time healing and learning about who you are again. It’s understandable that a man at this stage of dating doesn’t want to settle down again so soon. In fact, I would discourage you from dating a man who’s newly separated or divorced, because chances are, he has some wild oats to sow. It’s frustrating, I know, especially when he seems to be so amazing. But you need to walk away from men who are not emotionally ready yet, so you can be open to someone who’s on the same page as you.
2. There is or was Someone Else
Some men are scared to commit because they have unresolved issues from the past. If he keeps talking about his ex, even if it’s with anger, don’t be surprised if he can’t commit to your relationship. He’s either still holding out hope to reconnect to a past love, or he’s too vengeful to commit to you.
We all have past relationship history. And the best place to put that relationship is where it belongs—in the past. Many women are afraid to date a widower because he may not be able to move on from his one true love. However, many widowers are ready to love again, and they can make the best partners. So, get to know each person you date to see if they are open to a relationship or still holding onto their past.
3. He Has Other Priorities
In some cases, the reason why men are scared to commit to one woman is because they simply have other priorities right now. In that case, he might see an exclusive relationship as something that will prevent him from fulfilling his current life goals. A fulfilled life is not only about finding someone to love. Other areas of focus for a balanced life can include family, work, hobbies, friends, spirituality, and much more. Some guys find that one or more of these are simply more important at this time than a committed relationship, which keeps them from settling down temporarily or maybe even permanently. That’s actually a good thing to know in advance, before you get involved.
Now that you know three reasons why men are scared to commit, please stop pursuing men who can’t or won’t commit to you. Know your value and your must-haves, and stick to them. Be the woman of value who communicates her needs to the men you like—as an empowered and graceful woman, strong and soft at the same time. And if he is still too scared to commit, use my favorite word in dating: NEXT! That’s the only way to make space for the right guy to show up.
This post was originally published on Last First Date and is republished here with permission from the author.
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